


You'll never know what will happen in the future (and is powerless against it)

by Hasegawa



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Epic Friendship, F/M, Gen, Lots of Angst, Minor Character Death, Multi, Pack Dad Derek Hale, Pack Mom, Pack Mom Stiles, Pack Mom Stiles Stilinski, Self Confidence Issues, Stiles is a girl, Unrequited Love, bromance turn one sided romance, everybody makes wrong choices, female!stiles, genderbent, happy end, mama stilinski death, pinning, possible pregnancy outside marriage (if continued), scratching each other's pain (if continued), teenage angst, trigger content. forced abortion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:31:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hasegawa/pseuds/Hasegawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles' mother died when she was five. She learned to cope and when Scott came into her life, he helped her overcome the feeling. However, the simple friendship slowly become something more for Stiles, yet it all changed when Allison came into the picture and Scott turned into a werewolf. Stiles deals with all the feels, problems and one scary alpha called Derek (and also his creepy zombie uncle). How can Stiles cope?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Stiles was five, her mother passed away from sudden car accident. She waited for her to return from the shop, but she never arrived. And then her father came home and told her that mother won’t be back at all. She has gone forever, to a place better above.

 

The weeks after that, Stiles found herself watching her father buried himself in massive amount of alcohol and fast food. Stiles missed the home cooking his mother always made, but daddy couldn’t cook much, so she ate the pizzas and take aways with him. Slowly her father got better, and one day he woke Stiles up looking sharp, just like before mother left them for good. At that time Stiles still thought mother went to the sky for a holiday, surely she would return soon. And seeing her father in his uniform, looking smart like before the day mother went away, Stiles pinned her hope and dressed herself in her most favourite dress, the one her mother always said made her look like a little bumblebee. She followed father to the car, excitedly moving her feet as they drove, probably to the shop, to get mother. Mother is coming back!

 

When they arrived in the daycare, Stiles wondered why the shop has a lot of children inside the compound. Then a lady came over, greeted her and told her father than Stiles would be fine with them. Stiles started to realise something was wrong. When her father rubbed her head and went back to the car, Stiles started crying. No, it was not the shop; Stiles didn’t know the new place. Weren’t they going to fetch mother? Why does father left her there? Where is he going? But the sheriff drove away, and Stiles’ hand was clutched inside the new lady’s arm.

 

Stiles learned that it was the daycare for children. She sat on the chair, wondering whether her father was fetching her mother now. Probably she went quite far, and it was easier for father to go and fetch her without Stiles being around. So Stiles endured the whole day in silence, eyes watching her surrounding while waiting till the time her daddy came back. Stiles was a bit afraid that her daddy wouldn’t return just like mummy, but Stiles shook her head and waited for father to get her with mommy on the front passenger seat. Probably mummy would have some sweets for her as well, since she went away to the shop that day.

 

When finally father came to get her, he looked tired and pale, but he hugged Stiles tightly. Stiles hugged back, but was disappointed when she saw mother wasn’t in the car.

 

“Where is mummy?” she asked.

 

Her father looked at her funny. And then he kneeled in front of her.

 

“She is gone, Stiles.”

 

Stiles huffed, her father could be so slow at times, “I know. She went to the shop. Didn’t you go to fetch her today? Where is she? Is she at home?”

 

Her father didn’t answer the question until he tucked Stiles into her bed. Stiles was upset all through dinner because she didn’t like the take away and she wanted her mother’s cooking, but father didn’t talk for the longest time and Stiles started to rant about how she wanted mother’s lasagne.

 

“Sorry Stiles. She is gone… forever. I love you.”

 

“What?” Stiles suddenly didn’t feel sleepy anymore.

 

“Mummy is gone forever. She won’t be back anymore. She is now living with the angels above.”

 

“But why? Mommy doesn’t love me anymore?” Stiles started to cry, “Does she not want to meet me anymore?”

 

“She loves you, Stiles.” Her father cried too, and he hugged her, but she wouldn’t hear his excuses. Mother was gone, and she won’t come back. Was it because Stiles was bad?

 

Stiles cried and cried and cried that night, begging her father to tell mummy that she would be good, so please come back. Please tell mummy that Stiles is a good girl, will be a good and pretty and beautiful and good, always good, so please leave the angels and come back home. Her father didn’t say anything and just hugged her for the whole night until she slept from exhaustion.

 

The next morning her eyes were swollen so badly she couldn’t open them, and she kept calling mummy to make it better.

 

She got worse, but slowly she saw that everytime she cried, her father cried too, and everytime she begged him to get mummy home, he drunk a lot, so she stopped. She stopped crying and asking. She handled the crying alone in her room, promising herself that this would be the last night she cried herself to bed, and if mother wanted to come back, she would. If she doesn’t, then she wouldn’t. Stiles just need to suck it up.

 

It got better. She obediently went to the daycare, then kindergarten, then middle school. Her father returned to the old sheriff and she learned to take care of herself and him. She cooked, slowly getting better and better. She forced herself to remember what her mother did in the kitchen, then forced herself to remember the taste of her cooking while trying her hardest to imitate the taste based on what she remembered. She tried hard to do whatever mummy did; like putting flowers in the bathroom, getting trashy magazines just to make the room feel less lonely, keeping the garden as good as she could. And slowly, her father reduced his alcohol consumption to almost zero.

 

It taught her that there are things that she needs to just accept, because she could change nothing about it.

 

 

* * *

 

She was diagnosed with ADHD. Stiles thinks it was just because she couldn’t stay still—she has a lot of things to do in order to keep the house, father and herself as well as possible, just in case when mother returned. She kept her belief, refusing to understand that death is final.

 

Her ADHD made it hard for her to get friends. Sometimes some of the girls in the class welcomed her in their group, but with her too active mouth and super fast brain, she couldn’t hold a proper conversation about boring stuff of hair do and the boys they hated/liked. She didn’t have time for those things. And so, slowly Stiles found himself as the bottom of the social ladder, the outcast that is good for group work (because Stiles is awesome with her research skill) but bad for social friending list. Especially since she is the daughter of the sheriff, making the students more wary around her just in case she reported small crimes they made back to her father (which is truly laughable, since the crime they made as a middle schooler is nothing sort of forgot to bring their textbook or forget to do homework, which is truly unworthy of police’s attention at all).

But her belief crashed and burn the day Scott came into her life. Scott came as the new transfer student, and the teacher introduced him to the class. When recess came, some students flock around him, since he was the new factor in school’s social ladder and everyone needs to ensure their own place. Scott was thinly and he kept wheezing, so the girls all asked him why. Scott innocently answered because he got asthma, which made several of the girls gave up on him. Then the rest asked about other normal questions like why you moved, and Scott answered it honestly, stating his parent’s divorce.

 

“Oh, we are sorry to hear that,” they told Scott, “Do you live with your father or mother now?”

 

“My mother. She is a nurse in the hospital.” Scott answered.

 

“Well, cheer up mate, at least your parents are still alive, unlike Stilinski’s over there.” One of the classmate joked. Stiles turned her head automatically, hearing her own name being called.

 

“Excuse me?” Stiles spoke out. “My parents are still alive.”

 

The classmate turned and shrugged. “Sorry, Stiles. I didn’t mean to remind you of your mother...”

 

“What about her?” Stiles jerked up, ready to fight.

 

The boy shrugged it off and returned to talk to Scott. Stiles suddenly felt very angry and pulled the boy away, ready to fight. It escalated quickly, with Stiles adamantly defending her parents, until the boy shouted to the whole class that her mother has died in front of the shop due to a car accident. The shop is owned by the boy’s family, and they were the one who helped called the ambulance and everything. Stiles screamed her head off about how he was a liar, and they ended up in the principal office.

 

Both students were reprimanded by the principal and the boy’s parents were called. The boy argued with the principal since technically he didn’t lie, yet the principal punished him while watching Stiles with pitiful eyes. It unnerved Stiles, who were trying to calm herself down on her chair and gently rocked herself. But the revelation stayed with Stiles. She couldn’t keep her head inside the sand anymore. She knew her mother was dead, but she tried her best to keep the hope that one that perhaps she would come back to them. As she exited the principal office, she felt the boy’s hand on her shoulder, ready to apologise properly; yet Stiles didn’t want to hear the apology, so she ran away to the other direction. She entered the room by the end of the corridor, which thankfully is a library and is empty since it was between class hours.

 

She hid between shelves of the library, keeping her head between her legs as she crouched down and made herself as small as possible. She wouldn’t cry, she promised she has finished crying about it that night. So what if her mother has died now? It has been years and Stiles has done a good job taking care both her father and herself. It was fine, everything was fine.

 

After a while, she heard the bell rang, telling her that school has ended. She heard someone came and sat beside her, and she felt a hand on top of her shoulder. When she looked up to see, she found Scott, the new student, crouching beside him and smiled weakly.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Stiles didn’t know. To be honest she wanted to know it herself. Should she mourn her mother again? But it has been so long ago and she was used being motherless now. On the other hand, she felt like the amount of time she spent crying back then was not enough now that she knew for sure mother wouldn’t be coming back. Now that she think back, the brawl she started was rather ridiculous.

 

“I don’t know.” Stiles sniffed, blinking her eyes, keeping the tears in.

 

“You can say it out loud, you know.” Scott smiled. “I did it, and it felt way better than keep it in. I … I don’t like it when father hit my mother, I don’t like it that she always looked tired, and I don’t like it when father brought home weird women. But I was afraid to say anything, so I kept it in, and because of that I had asthma, that’s what the doctor said. Anyway, I told mother about it one morning, about everything I felt, and the next day she divorced father and now we moved here and she never looked happier. So, I think speaking it out would help. It gets better, trust me.”

 

Stiles bit her lips and started to cry. “I.. I kept telling myself mother will return, you know, probably from somewhere, she just went on holidays… I know she has gone, but I don’t know, I just don’t want to admit it. I guess.. I guess it was silly of me to be angry at him when he was actually telling the truth…”

 

Scott shook his head. “No, he was out of line. He shouldn’t say that.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Yeah. I am sorry about your mother, though.”

 

Stiles nodded. Then Scott grabbed her hand.

 

“Hi, my name is Scott McCall, what’s your name?”

 

Stiles slowly smiled and shook Scott’s hand. “My name is Genim Stilinski, but call me Stiles.”

 

 

* * *

 

Stiles ended up being Scott’s best buddy. And since Scott hang around Stiles, he ended up as the social outcast. Yet Stiles and Scot didn’t care. They fastly became best buddy, with Stiles playing over to Scott’s place almost everyday and enjoyed the same games with Scott. Slowly Stiles’ dad and Scott’s mom knew that their only child has gotten a bff, and they encouraged the pure friendship between the girl and the boy.

 

Sometimes Stiles and Scott went to Stiles’ place and Scott would help Stiles cooked and when the sheriff returned back, he would eat with them and then sent Scott back to his place by car. Sometimes Melissa McCall, Scott’s mother, took Stiles with her whenever she went shopping on the weekends and helped her choose clothes (but Stiles still used her father’s credit card, as her father refused to let Melissa paid for Stiles). In the rare days where Melissa and John both found themselves with day off, they took both children to the park for a picnic or to the water park for a swimming day.

 

Stiles enjoyed the time of her life. She knew that Scott would be hers forever, and Scott would have her forever. Scott was not as strong or as manly or as naughty as other boys, and Stiles liked that. Scott knew her even better than herself, and she fancied that she knew Scott better than himself. Melissa already has a set of plates for her and a new futon for her if she wants to sleepover, and Scott already has his own room, the empty room beside Stiles’ as well as the seat on the left side of the couch in Stilinski’s house. Melissa let Stiles helped with cooking when Stiles stayed in McCall apartment and the Sheriff helped Scott to build up some body endurance through morning jog whenever the boy slept over Stiles’ place.   

 

Stiles thought there was something slowly budding between her father and Scott’s mother, but it was not really important at the moment. What really important is the game she played with Scott, their homework and how to get Scott to eat carrots (which he hated with passion).

 

When Stiles got her first period, Melissa gently guided her and told her what to do with herself, how precious she is, and how her body would change. How she would grow into a beautiful and strong woman, and how she needs to treasure her body for the one person she love and would be married to. Stiles ended up sleeping while being hugged by Melissa, and Stiles felt guilty when she wished Melissa was her mother. Scott came to school one day with red face, and even though Stiles tried to pry, Scott wouldn’t tell why. But the boy ended up talking to Stiles’ father, and the next day Scott returned to normal. When Stiles asked her father what it was all about, her father smirked and said it was a boy’s problem, just like how girls have their own problems. Stiles asked whether Scott has period as well, and the sheriff blushed before laughing for the next five minutes. But he didn’t tell Stiles what happened. Stiles pouted, but she felt happy that Scott shared something with her father.

 

The bond became deeper and deeper, then suddenly Stiles realised she has grown. Her chests are bigger now, not that big like Lydia’s, but still quite evident if she looked down. Melissa helped her to choose bras and panties when they went shopping together while Scott and Stiles’ father waited outside, pretending not to notice the obvious lingerie shop in front of them.

 

Her body changed was followed by change in mentality. Suddenly she was well aware how close Scott was, how his body scent always linger around her clothes, how he is taller than her by just a bit. Scott was still thin and a bit sickly but he got way better compared to when he first moved to Beacon County. Stiles started to realise that she could no longer pretending to not feel it when she put her head on Scott’s lap as she read and Scott played the playstation (of course Stiles has finished the game in record time and Scott was very determined to finish the game as soon as possible).

 

Slowly she felt differently about Scott. How he was no longer the Scott her BFF, but Scott a boy. It felt nice to walk beside him not because Scott was her only friend in the world, but because Scott made her heart went a bit faster. She found herself choosing her clothes more carefully before she went to school, just to ensure she looked decent and pretty enough for Scott. She started to take longer in the bathroom, ensuring that there is no unwanted body hair perking around for people to see. She washed her hair more frequently and sometimes even asked Melissa to help her tied it up in a cute bun or in an elaborate French braid. Scott never noticed, but Melissa has been looking at Stiles differently, as if she was trying to determine what Stiles was feeling.

 

Stiles really think that it would last forever. Scott and Stiles, together forever and ever. Always the best friend. And isn’t it good to marry your best friend, because they knew each other so well. Stiles slowly let herself imagine (in her ADHD mind) what her wedding dress would look like, what would they be (Scott would be a vet and Stiles would be the most awesome marine biologist), where they would live and how they would share a room for college. Scott has entered the lacrosse team while Stiles was in the cheerleading (and they were both benchwarmers), and it was just fun to tease each other from the benches while the clubs practiced. Everything was perfect and Stiles felt very, very comfortable.

 

And it all changes when Allison came into the picture.

 

* * *

 

 

Allison came as a new transfer student. Stiles immediately think that the girl was super pretty and looked super kind, and probably it would be awesome to befriend her. When she turned to share her opinion with Scott, she saw something worrying. Scott looked like he was in a trance, watching every movement Allison made.

 

When Allison was seated just in front of Scott, Stiles felt for the first time, the dark thrill of jealousy.

 

* * *

 

 

Things changed. It was no longer Scott and Stiles. It became Scott moaning about Alison and how perfect she was, to Stiles. Their time together no longer filled with easy banter and games and epic adventures, it became the psychiatric session in where Scott wondering how he would get Alison to see him while Stiles nursed her painful chest while ensuring Scott that he was a great guy and he was the best boyfriend a girl could wish for.

 

Stiles would then return home feeling dejected and looked at herself in the mirror and compared herself to Alison. They were like heaven and earth, Alison so perfect while Stiles is just normal. It dampened Stiles’ spirit, but she kept it cheerful enough whenever her father was at home. She wondered if she was thinner, would she looked as good as Alison? It was silly, but Stiles started dieting and tried her best to get into the cheerleading team. She almost got in, but found herself one step too fast and ended up falling on her own bum. She twisted her ankle that way, and she ended up becoming a benchwarmer again for sure. Her ankle needed total rest for at least a week, so Stiles skipped class for the whole week. By the middle of the week, it felt like the world has stopped moving, Stiles was utterly bored and lonely. Scott hasn’t visited him much, and the only time he visited, he updated her with stories about Alison this and that, which made Stiles felt even worse.  

 

By the fifth day, Stiles was feeling sorry for herself when Scott came into her room and asked her to cheer up. He saw that Stiles were truly depressed and finally talked about something else other than lacrosse and Alison. He mentioned about the ghost, murderer and voices from the forest around the County. Stiles perked up, eager to talk about anything other than Alison, so she egged him on and suddenly it felt just right to go and visit the forest themselves. Scott waited as she walked slowly using the crutches borrowed from the hospital.

 

That night, Scott was bitten and turned into a werewolf.

 

 

* * *

 

Things got better for Scott. He became faster, healthier and most importantly, more attractive. Soon, Alison became enamored with him. In the meantime, Stiles worried for Scott immensely, helping Scott to find out what happened with him, and finally researched as much as she could on werewolves and the myth surrounding them. Stiles could research a lot because she was still locked in her bedroom, unable to move too far or too fast without feeling pain from her ankle. Thus, Stiles was so busy in her research and worry that she didn't realise how close Alison and Scott had been.

 

So she was truly shocked and devastated when she went to fetch Scott the first day she was well enough to driver her jeep and found out that Scott and Allison has become a couple the night before. She was in her jeep, honking to get Scott to come down so they could go to school since they were almost late, and Scott came down with the most obnoxious smile on his face. 

 

"What makes you so happy?" Stiles asked, smirking. Her ankle is better now, and she can walk normally again (even though she couldn't do cheer leading at least for another month). 

Scott looked at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes and the proudest grin. "Yesterday Allison agreed to go on a date with me." 

 

"...What." WHAT. 

 

"Allison agreed to go out with me." Scott's grinned became disgusting for Stiles.

 

"When?" 

 

"Well... when you are still recuperating in the house because of your ankle, I kind of need to make group with somebody else and she offered, so we kind of talked and I got her phone number and we started chatting." 

 

Stiles wanted to bite something. While she was worrying sick about Scott's new condition and couldn't leave her bedroom because of the damn ankle, Scott got closer to Allison. And now they are going out. Why? Why? WHY????

 

It's not fair.  

 

"Hey, Stiles? Stiles? You okay? You looked pale so suddenly and your heartbeat slowed so suddenly."

 

"..."

 

"Stiles? Stiles?" 

 

"...Scott, I suddenly felt sick. I want to go home. Please go to school without me."

 

"Are you alright? I can send you to doctor now. Or we can call my mom. She is still upstairs, her shift is afternoon today..."

 

"No, I'll be alright. Just... Just woman's problem. Sorry, I think I need a day off. Would you tell the teacher for me?"

 

Scott finally agreed and let Stiles drove away her jeep. Stiles didn't look back, trying to keep her eyes on the road, while it became blurry from unspilled tears. 

 

it was then she accidentally crashed the jeep onto Derek Hale.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  


	2. I am lonely

  Stiles’ heart stopped beating for a second. She has crashed into someone. She killed someone. The man is dead because of her. She took a life. All because she was stupidly mourning a broken heart.

 

She quickly went out of the jeep and kneeled beside the man. He passed out, but his chest moved up and down, slowly. Stiles felt so much relief that she felt tears went down her face so hard. Some words, meaningless, went out of her mouth, yet she didn’t know and didn’t care of what she was saying. All she knew was she needed to make sure the man gets the medical attention he needed.

 

“…Hospital?” Stiles caught herself asking, either herself or the man or the air, but the word induced response from the man. He groaned loudly, a big NO. Stiles stopped ranting and saw that the man has blood on his side, originated from the abdomen. Feeling panicked in full blown now, she took off her own flannel shirt and pushed it towards the bleeding source. The man moaned in pain even louder.

 

She finally managed to get the man into the car, while in the meantime the man kept saying no hospitals, no hospital, no hospital. Feeling trapped and guilty (since she crashed into him), Stiles took the jeep to her home and helped the man to sleep on her own bed. She didn’t even think about it; even though thinking back she would then realise that the sofa, the carpeted floor, or the guest room would be better choice. But the regret came later, and now Stiles was busy feeling guilty, panicky and trying to treat the man on the same time.

 

She started by opening the part where the blood came out, and she cut the man’s shirt. By the help of Google, she managed to open the part and cleaned up the wound. The wound didn’t look like the usual wound from crashing, it looked more like slashing wound. Feeling suspicious but still guilty, Stiles took it to herself to perform immediate closing of the wound, probably by sewing it up. She had never done that before, but Google was pretty helpful and she was fuelled by adrenaline.

 

The man moaned in pain, so Stiles took the aspirin and gave three tablets straight away into the man’s mouth. He looked like wanting to throw them up, but Stiles massaged the throat, so that the medicine was swallowed. This was something she learned to ensure Scott ate his medicine back when he was still so sickly. Then she kept the man hydrated by making sure he drunk more and more water, luckily they still got some plastic straws from picnic last month.

 

Slowly the man fell into deep sleep; and Stiles found herself covered in sweat and blood. She slowly cleaned up, making sure the room was warm and then closed the door behind her. She entered the bath and when the water rained over her, she started to sob her heart out.

 

 

* * *

 

The man hasn’t woken up yet when Stiles finished crying her heart out and finished her bath. It was lucky for her that father has not yet returned from his work. She decided to sleep in the guest room, letting the man slept in her bed. She wished everything would be a dream tomorrow. And before she went to bed, she took one, two, three, four aspirins. She really just wanted to be numb and asleep. She didn’t want to think. She wanted to be free for once.

 

Luckily the drug worked quickly and immediately she fell asleep.

 

 

She woke up feeling like she had died and returned from the deathland. It was not fun, and her whole body hurt. Her eyes were swollen and immediately she remembered why she was crying her heart out. Her heart started to beat faster and why why why I killed a man filled her head.

 

It took her a while to calm down, but tears started to fall again. Her mother’s image, blurry and smiling, waving as she went away from the door. How her father drunk himself to sleep. How she wished she could still keep her childish imagination of mother being back home. How Scott saved her. How Scott became more and more like a man. How Scott made her happy and her heart racing. It was the simplest thing, like when he took her chewed pen and used it to fill in the answer he saw from Stiles’ homework. How they looked like the perfect family when they went to picnic, Scott helping her with the barbeque. How Scott played with her hair when she was trying her hardest to kill the zombies. How their sims characters seemed to like each other from the start, and how Scott decided that they should get married and built a house like Batman’s.

 

One time, Stiles asked Scott to eat in the diner where the kid at school all went to, and Stiles dressed up a bit. She actually put on a heel, it was only 3 cm heels but still a challenge for Stiles. Then Stiles fell flat on her face. Scott helped her up while laughing so hard. And they had the perfect dinner, which Stiles counted as a date, while eating steaks and watching the football game in the diner’s telly.

 

One time, Stiles woke up to find Scott sat beside her eating cookies and when he realised she has woken up, he smiled. “Wanna some?”

 

One time Stiles actually taught Scott how to do algebra and Scott whined, trying to bribe Stiles with candies and games and helping chores if Stiles would stop the algebra torture.

 

And then Scott smiled so widely and so happily, saying he is going out with Allison.

 

What’s wrong with her? Why is she never enough?

 

Stiles rubbed her eyes and slowly woke up. It was five am in the morning, and she was sure her dad just returned at two, so he must be sleeping by now. She slowly opened the door and went to her door, opened it and found that the bed was empty, while mostly unmade. There were some spots of blood, but it was empty. And her window opened.

 

She quickly checked whats missing from the room, but her laptop and phone were still there. Nothing was stolen. She wondered whether the man felt better already, or whether she was so bad that he didn’t even want to stay in her room to recover. Feeling bitter, she entered the blanket and curled there. It smelled a bit like sweat and blood and it was disgusting, but it was fine for Stiles. She doesn’t deserve much more, anymore.

 

Father didn’t check her at all. Otherwise he would already thrown a tantrum demanding to know who was sleeping on Stiles’ bed. Or probably asked why Stiles was on the guest room’s bed. But nothing was asked, her father must be so tired that he went straight to sleep. Stiles understood that long time ago. She understood. But just this time, she wanted him to come and check her before he went to sleep.

 

She was hurt, in pain and so lonely.

 

* * *

 

 

Waking up to go to school was so hard. Stiles wished she has superpower of keeping everything at bay and functioned like a robot. It was not the first time she wished she has Professor X or Jean Grey’s power to keep her mind sane. Or to read people’s mind, so she didn’t assume other’s feeling for her. She couldn’t afford to make mistakes anymore. She shouldn’t assume that people cares anymore. So she would assume that nobody cares, and it pained her chest.

 

She forgone the breakfast and drove to school. She didn’t bother to get Scott, since she wasn’t sure how she would react if she saw Scott more than required. And Scott has a girlfriend now, so surely he wouldn’t want to be seen with Stiles anymore.

 

She walked and tried to hide herself between the sea of student. Not really bad, actually. Nobody realised she was there and she put her stuff in the locker. When the first class came, she entered and found that her seat was taken by Allison, with Scott and Allison talking and smiling like they were the only two people in the world.

 

Stiles knew she was not wanted, so she took one of the empty spot. Beside her sat Danny, one of the hot lacrosse team player who is openly gay. He was not flamboyant, so people don’t really tease him. He was cool in Stiles’ book, so she sat beside him. The class started and Stiles tried to pay attention. She failed. Chewing the top of her pen, she wondered how many stuff has she missed, why was it so hard to follow the teacher’s words when Danny suddenly passed her a note.

 

_Are you ok_

Stiles wrote back. _Fine thanks._

_You were assigned to be my partner. Allison choose Scott first_

Stiles didn’t answer and just nodded. She then flipped the page of the textbook and read through from where she was familiar with before she twist her ankle and let Allison snatch Scott from her.

 

It was hard though. She just wanted to brood and cry.

 

When suddenly the bell rung, Stiles has learned nothing. Feeling even useless, she rubbed her face as hard as she could. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She almost smiled and called Scott name when she saw that Danny was the one with his hand on her shoulder.

 

“Look Stilinski, if you want I can teach you the materials. I see that you are struggling today.”

 

He is so good, Stiles wondered. Forcing herself to smile, she nodded and accepted the help. Danny told her that he would come to her place after school and they could study together, and tomorrow he would bring any notes he had from last week.

 

It was a helpful hand to the shattered Stiles, and Stiles grabbed into it as hard as she could. She knew it meant nothing because Danny is gay, and she didn’t want to assume anything anyway, so it was save. Danny is save. She could do this, she could find a new friend. A new best friend who wouldn’t get snatched by other girls.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come over here, this is my room—“ Stiles opened her room door to find the man she almost killed yesterday was standing in the middle of the room. Stiles was so shocked she closed the door again. To Danny, she tried her best to maintain her cool pose, “Ah, it is quite messy, so can you give me ten minutes to clear it up? Or we can study someplace else.”

 

Danny shrugged, “Whatever floats your boat.”

 

Stiles asked him to wait in the living room, and she entered her room feeling like she was going to her execution.

 

The man was standing in the middle of the room, looking healthy and super demanding. His presence just made her wanted to run away. It was pretty scary. And his facial expression screamed murder, possible serial killer.

 

“You.”

 

Stiles felt her sarcasm came back. “Me.”

 

“You.”

 

“Me?”

 

“You let me sleep here yesterday.”

 

“Well… yeah?” Stile shrugged and saw that the bed sheet still showed blood and surely smelled like sweat. “I… Look, I am really sorry about yesterday, I didn’t mean to hit you with my jeep. I mean, I helped you back here and listened to your no hospital pleads and frankly I was broken hearted because Sco… boy slash friend actually went with someone else while I was resting here a week because of stupid ankle and I don’t think its necessary to call ambulance and I was panicking and—“

 

The man growled. Like, real growl of wounded animal’s. Stiles immediately stopped talking.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“…Welcome?” Stiles wondered whether it was the right thing to say or she was being a retard.

 

“I need a temporary place to stay.”

 

Stiles raised an eyebrow. She felt she done this one right at least. “…So?”

 

“Since you did actually crash into me and caused me great pain and actually sew my skin together,” the man opened his shirt and holy, Stiles could count to eight muscle bundles, “I think I’ll stay here for the meantime till I can find someplace else to go.”

 

Stiles wanted to say big NO, but the killer facial expression informed Stiles that if she refused, then she would be Hannibal’s meal the next day, so she nodded quickly.

 

“Is that your boy friend or whatever it is waiting outside?” the man growled.

 

“Oh Danny? No, no, he is my classmate and he is kind enough to help me catch up with the stuff I missed while waiting for my ankle to heal. Don’t mind him, but I would be grateful if you could move to next door while he helped me…”

 

The man growled again. “I am not moving anymore.”

 

Stiles rubbed her temple. “But what should I say to him about you?”

 

The man shrugged. “not my business.”

 

“Fine.” Stiles sighed. “Whats your name anyway?”

 

“Derek.”

 

“Nice to know you Derek, and I am sorry I crashed you but I wish our acquaintance is short. Call me Stiles.”

 

“You are… a girl, right?”

 

“Yeah, so?” Stiles suddenly became defensive. She wouldn’t let anyone questioned the name her mother has bestowed upon her.

 

“No… Nothing.”

 

 

* * *

 

“Uh…. Stiles, I am sorry, but your boyfriend is staring to hard. I feel a bit awkward.” Danny whispered. “Do you think you can get him out, or shall I return tomorrow?”

 

Stiles sighed and turned back. Derek was sitting on the bed, staring intensely at them.

 

“Derek, dear, would you kindly let us study? You can get yourself something to eat downstairs.”

 

The man looked at her and she looked at him back and then Derek went out from the room.

 

“He is one possessive soul.” Danny commented. “How did you meet him?”

 

“I crashed into him—“ literally, but Stiles didn’t want to say that out loud, “when I walked home. And we talked and here we are. He is hot, no?”

 

Danny looked at Stiles strangely. “Stiles, look. I know we are not close or anything and I haven’t say much to you before, but you bump into someone and talked and suddenly become a couple? That sounds not too good.”

 

“It’s alright, you have nothing to worry about.” Stiles smiled. “I am fine. Thanks, though.”

 

“how long have you known him?”

 

 _One night? One day?_ “A couple of days.”

 

Danny sighed. “Look, I know it has been hard for you, especially with your ankle and Scott suddenly getting a girlfriend, but hooking up with a man you know only a couple of days is safe. You are a girl, Stiles. Sometimes you may forget about that but you need to keep yourself safe, girl.”

 

“ Ah.” Stiles wanted to laugh it off, but this was the kindest thing anyone ever said to her since she didn’t even know when and all she wanted was to cry. She couldn’t laugh it off. The attention, the advice, the caring, it all felt so good. “Oh.”

 

“I know he looks hot and all, but his eyes look like he is crazy. Do you want me to help you get him out of here? Why is he here in the first place anyway?”

 

“He is here because he has notwehere else to go.” Stiles answered honestly. It just felt bad to lie to Danny, because Danny seemed to care, the only person who cared about her now.

 

“That’s even worse.” Danny paled. “Does your mothe… Sorry, I mean does your father know?”

 

 _Does he even care?_ Stiles asked herself, and it hurt her for a second; but she smiled. She couldn’t let Danny made a big deal out of it. Derek would kill her. Or tell her dad that she crashed him with her jeep. She loved that jeep. “….Yes.”

 

Danny couldn’t say anything after that, and quickly finished their study session. When Danny walked down to the door, Derek watched them closely (he looked comfy by the kitchen table, eating what Stiles knew was her sandwich and peanut butter jelly supply with ease, until Stiles closed the front door behind her.

 

“…Happy now?”

 

Derek didn’t answer, but he kept munching on the sandwiches.

 

* * *

 

 

Stiles managed to keep Derek to the other side of the bed, luckily the bed is big enough for both of them if they lay by their side. She has changed the bedsheet, so it didn’t smell anymore. Stiles kept her blanket for her, and gave Derek a resemblance of towel blanket. The man received it without comment and went to bed after he used the bathroom. He smelled like father’s soap so probably he did take a bath.

 

When it became silent and Stiles wondered what her life has turned out, she heard her father’s steps downstairs. She wanted to go and greet her, but a hand caught her arm and held her still. So she stayed and listened as her dad oepend the fridge, heat the food, eat them, took a bath and walked across the corridor to his room.

 

She waited for her dad to come into her room to kiss her goodnight. But it didn’t happen. Her dad walked straight to his own room and ignored her. In disappointment, she started to wonder when did dad stop coming into her room. She was always sleeping when he came home, but she always fancied to think that father always gave her good night kiss before he went to sleep. Since when did it stop or whether it has actually even started?

 

She felt so abandoned sometimes.

 

She felt her chest pained and her eyes getting blurried so she snatched her arms away and hid herself under the blanket. She tried to sob as quietly, hoping that Derek let her be.

 

And she cried herself to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. A new day

 

Morning came and Stiles felt a bit better.

 

By then she has fixed herself some simple breakfast and brought Derek some toasts before she went off to school. She ensured that her dad was still asleep and fixed him a full breakfast on the table too. She wondered whether she was actually doing it sincerely as a daughter, or as a plead to her father to remember that she was still there—the breakfast couldn’t make themselves, could they?

 

While she drove to school, her mind rushed quickly through things. The thing with ADHD is that she couldn’t stop thinking about everything—every single thing triggered another reaction, linked it to something to think about and everything crashed before she gets distracted by something else. She was said to be very talkative, a chatterbox who always said nothings and doesn’t know when to stop. People just don’t understand that she was hiding behind her ramblings; she always thought about something other than what she was saying, and most of the time it helps her to keep sane—to hide behind the nastiness of her own desperation to be noticed and disabling loneliness.

 

She wondered how should she faced Danny—and then promptly thought that she might need to do grocery today. She has nothing in her fridge—the damn weird man has taken all of her peanut butter jelly supply. With his size, no wonder Derek has finished up Stiles’ three days supply worth. Stiles, while not as girly as other girls, was still considered small in built. Just like mommy, with long, raven hair and golden eyes like father’s. She wished father would look at her once again and told her, like he used to, that she looks like perfect blending of her father and mother.

 

Scott stopped in front of her jeep. She sighed and parked it, then faced the music.

 

“I didn’t get the chance to see you yesterday. I was waiting for you in the morning, after school—“

 

“Yeah?” Stiles smiled. It felt numb. Something was blocking her from her own feeling. She could do this. She is the queen of denial. If she could deny her own mother’s death for years, she can so deny that she was ever in love with Scott. “I saw you busy flirting with Allison, so I thought I’ll scram somewhere. How’s her, by the way? Why is she not here with you this morning? Oh I haven’t say congrats yet. Finally she turned to you eh? How’s Melissa by the way?”

 

Melissa would no longer be Stiles’ mother in law to be.

 

“Stiles!” Scott pouted. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean… it was just so sudden and Allison asked me to wait for her, but I told her I wanted to speak to you. Stiles? Are you mad at me?” Scott whimpered. Stiles turned to him, looking at the boy turned young adult who has stolen her heart and imagination of what future should look like. Wonderful. She could never win against that pouting face. Never.

 

So she smiled and rubbed the werewolf’s hair. “Hey it’s alright. Stiles is never angry!”

 

Scott smiled so blindingly like sun, that Stiles believes she was fine being burned just for that radiance.

 

“Well, you know…” and the conversation turned to something else, which is the usual thing between them, “they found a body in the woods that we went—a lady’s named Laura Hale.”

 

Stiles’ interest was piqued, and so both of them walked to the class while speculating about the mystery of the murder. It was almost like the old time, almost, just until Allison came out from the other side of the corridor, and Stiles was forgotten once again.

 

Stiles was introduced properly to Allison. Stiles smiled, Allison smiled. Allison is the true epitome of female beauty, and Stiles wondered why she was so stupid thet she ever thought she has a chance to win against this creature.

 

* * *

 

 

Danny lent her his notes, and after praising him as her angel, Stiles swore to study that night, carefully. All plans were thwarted when she went home and found Derek standing against an opened fridge, growling form both mouth and stomach.

 

“Alright, alright, I’ll do grocery now.” Stiles mumbles and took the keys she has automatically thrown to the bowl beside the front door. Derek suddenly came towards her.

 

“I am coming.”

 

Stiles looked at him, then shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

 

Just when Stiles was ready to park near her usual grocery store, she turned to see Derek watching her closely, silently. She spoke 15 miles a second, about everything she saw, even the squirrel on the side of the road, but Derek didn’t response to a single thing. And then she realised. She couldn’t show Derek around her normal stuff for various reasons, the most obvious being 1.) she doesn’t want to give him more idea of what her routine looks like, just in case he is actually a creepy stalker (too late, too late, she hears her own voice in her head, he is already sleeping on your bed) and 2.) people in Beacon Hills talks like there is no tomorrow. If she showed up with Derek, people would talk and soon her father would know.

 

Scott would know.

 

So she changed her mind, then turned the car back to the road. Derek didn’t comment, just silently watching Stiles. Stiles asked the man to stop it, but it surprised her that Derek actually respect her wish and turned away from her.

 

She brought them to a bigger supermarket on the other side of town.

 

It was a fun thing, actually. Stiles decided to pretend Derek is Scott—she asked the man to do Scott’s usual stuff, let him pushing the trolley, asking his opinion on which one was better (tomato sauce with wine, or five cheese?). She even asked what she wanted to eat, and it felt as easy as she was talking to Scott. It felt like she was fine, everything was fine, it was Stiles and Scott all the way through all over again.

 

“Sco—Derek, what do you want, orange juice or apple? I want the passionfruit, no deal, so you choose your own, don’t touch mine.”

 

Derek grunted and took the orange bottle from the shelves. Stiles smiled widely at him and patted his arm—damn, muscle, pure muscle, all muscles there—just like how she usually she patted Scott.

 

It gave her a pang of emptiness for a second, before jumping herself to think about something else, like detergent and more bandaids…

 

“Oh! How’s your scar?”

 

Derek shrugged, and Stiles causally lifted the shirt he wore (damn, hello, eight pack!) but saw no scar at all. That froze her for a second.

 

“…You heal quite fast.”

 

Derek didn’t say anything, entiher denying or agreeing with Stiles.

 

“…You should still have… are you…. Werewolf?”

 

Stiles found herself being lifted and slammed to the shelves. Pain shot from her back, and people looked at them funnily. Derek seemed to realise it as well, so he loosened her grab on Stiles, but hands on her nape, threatening to crack her precious neck if she dares to do anything or say anything stupid.

 

It was not like the sexy shoved “Love the way you lie” by Eminem n Rihanna where Dom slammed Megan Fox onto the wall. For one, Megan Fox is unbelievably sexier than Stiles, and secondly, Dom continued to kiss Megan, whereas Derek looked like he wants to skin Stiles alive. Stils readied herself for another pain or punch and hunched.

 

Derek swallowed hard.

 

Damn, why why why why why why.

 

She is a total retard, with the luck like fucktard.

 

“Let’s go. We have enough.” Was the first time Derek said anything in the trip, and Stiles nodded quickly—agreeing to almost everything, even if Derek ordered her to eat her own shoes.

 

When the time to pay came out, Derek stared at Stiles, raising his eyebrows. Stiles scowled, and took the precious wallet. She might need to redo her budget for the month then. With the extra mouth to fed—she could probably bluff through and told her father the increase in food budget is because Scott’s increase appetite—it was true, to a degree now that Scott is a werewolf—but she didn’t want to burden her father too much already so she wondered whether she should take a new part time job—she slowly took out all the cash she has to pay the whole stuff. Luckily she still have a few dollars change left, and she started to wonder would it be plausible to get dinner leftover as tomorrow’s lunch, or probably she could forgo tomorrow lunch, stating diet? Probably she needs to diet, since Allison… Ah, her mind needs to come back, come back and don’t think about anything painful.

 

When she was ready to carry the bags, Derek took over and he made it looks so easy. The gorceries bags looked like something that would fill a normal shopping trolley and with two bottles of juices, various stuff and ten kgs detergent, Derek’s biceps never looked stronger.

 

Stiles knew that if those biceps decided to choke her, she would die in seconds.

 

 

* * *

 

They entered the jeep, and Stiles felt her hand started to tremble. Would Derek kill him now?

 

“You know werewolf.”

 

Stiles nodded. “Sco—my best—my friend was bitten and showed the characteristic of one.” Stiles wondered what she should refer to Scott as. How everything has change just in a few days…

 

“Don’t tell anyone about this. And where does this Scott live?”

 

“Sorry?” Stiles turned. “How did you know…”

 

“You called his name several times a day, even in your sleep. Scott, the boy. Where does he live?”

 

“Why would you care?”

 

“Because I need to guide him through being a werewolf. This is not a laughing matter, Stiles.”

 

“Why should I trust you?”

 

The question stopped Derek’s movement. He stared at Stiles a bit longer before he sighed.

 

“Start driving.”

 

“Yes master boss.” Stiles pouted softly, because as much as she wanted to sass, she didn’t want to be mauled by a wolf. She didn’t see Derek’s small smile beside her.

 

* * *

 

 

Derek cannot cook. Stiles learned the hard way when Derek couldn’t even make a salad. He was useless with knife, which when Stiles commented on, brought an angry growled and exclamation that claws worked better than knives. That shut Stiles up, because she didn’t need to see the proof. She believes it 100%.

 

So Derek got the duty to clean the bathroom. Stiles wondered how the hell she could do that, but Derek actually move and went to bathroom and started cleaning when Stiles jokingly told him that if he has nothing to do he might as well clean the bathroom in return of free meal and bed. Well, probably Derek wasn’t too bad of a person, Stiles mused to herself as she took out the last piece of chicken and put it on the plates.

 

They ate in mostly Stiles’ monologue. Derek hasn’t yet to speak anything after Stiles’ last question, so Stiles took it as a permission to be Stiles again. She ranted about the price of potato compared to the price of onion, how the supermarket charged a lot while actually not providing much job to community (they have used those automatic check out machines and reducing the number of jobs—they should give the customers some discount, but nope, no discount. Such greedy corporation. Derek polished his plates and looked like waiting for second plate, so Stiles relented and gave him the portion she made for her lunch tomorrow. Probably tomorrow she could steal from Scott’s lunch or maybe she could just keep herself full with water. It wouldn’t be so bad to fast sometimes.

 

They ended up on the couch, Stiles busy reviewing Danny’s notes while Derek flicked through TV. Stiles chewed her bottom lips, wondering why she felt so like an idiot. She has missed so much and Danny’s writing was so neat and cute, better then hers for sure. If she couldn’t catch up, then she might be failing for sure. She always maintained her place as the top 10 in class, so this was a bit annoying. When she looked up to check on Derek, the man was gone, but returned a second later with a glass of passionfruit juice. He put it in front of Stiles.

 

Stiles smirked, but quickly hid her smile with hand. It was pretty sweet, actually.

 

After bath, they returned to bed, sleeping beside each other. And suddenly Stiles felt not alone anymore. Probably Derek really didn’t have anywhere to go. And if it’s actually true, then he could stay with Stiles. Stiles could adopt him in. Then she would have some companion who needs her and wont abandon her, like mother or father or Scott. And Derek probably really didn’t have anything—no money or place to sleep for sure. No clothes either, as Stiles saw Derek using the same clothing from yesterday. Freshly laundered though, so probably he used the laundry machine after her father went to work and then go around the house naked until it dried up. The thought made Stiles laugh; and she felt Derek’s eyes on her back. Yet she ignored it and snuggled deeper into her lovely blanket.

 

That sounds so lovely. She got a pet wolf. A man pet wolf.

 

* * *

 

 

She woke up to an empty bed.

 

In the middle of sleepy haze, she didn’t understand why it made her so upset. Then, the next moment, her door was opened and father came in.

 

She groggily yawned, felt her forehead being kissed, tucked back into the blanket, and she continued sleeping.

 

In the middle of her dream, she felt lost and realised that her pet has left her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think
> 
> Also visit me on hasesosi.tumblr!


	4. Chapter 4

A week after.

 

In the morning, Stiles slowly stretched her limbs, and found that again, Derek was spooning her from behind. His arm was on her hip, while his body directly touched her back. His legs were stretched on and between her own, and dear God, he felt like a furnace, hot and muscly. Stiles tried to move, but immediately she noticed that something hard and long was poking her back.

 

She could only guess what that was. She never knew male’s anatomy that well, since Scott never slept in the same bed with her ever since they entered junior high school. And she couldn’t pretend she likes being hugged from behind like this too, as she felt so warm and safe inside those embrace. When she tried to wriggle her bum and back over it, Derek would groan (somewhere between angry growl and happy purr), making Stiles somehow felt weird and needed to pee. So she sighed and let herself be hugged for another ten minutes before forcefully releasing herself from Derek’s arm.

 

As usual, Stiles waking up and pushing him away woke Derek. This had happened for the past three days, and they have passed the stage where Stiles stumbled with red face and blush all over her body and screaming like a virgin sacrifice—only screaming without sounds as she unconsciously doesn’t want to wake her father, while Derek grumbled and muttered sorry. After three days of waking up in the same position each time, slowly it became some sort of normalcy—in which made Stiles wondering why the hell she became like that.

 

That aside, Stiles usually woke up and then went to the bathroom to take short shower before preparing food for breakfast. Derek would take over the bath after her, and soon they would eat breakfast together. These days, since the discovery of Laura Hale’s body in the forest, Sheriff Stilinski increasingly came back later and later, and thus ruining his own natural clock, making him unable to wake up before at least 9:00 am. It made eating with Derek easier for Stiles, and then Stiles would drives her jeep to school while Derek does what Derek do.

 

It became some sort of domestic feeling, really, and it kind of made Stiles happy. She knows next to nothing about Derek—the man hasn’t say anything more than a sentence to her at all. But it doesn’t matter. It kept everything simple, and she likes simple. Derek needed her, and so she could bury her head inside people who needed her and forgot people who doesn’t need her.

 

But the good feeling ended when Stiles realised it was the time of the month again—she starts having her period. The annoying speck of blood in her panties was the premonition to the upcoming five days of doom. She sighed as she took the spare pads and wondered whether she has enough pad supply this time. Maybe not. Shopping is in order.

 

* * *

 

 

Stiles could feel Derek’s eyes when they entered the rack of female hygiene products. He stopped on the end of the row, refusing to follow Stiles who was bending over and looking for her usual brand of pads (Melissa has told her about tampons and pads; Stiles founds she is more comfortable with pads. Also, Melissa told her about the cotton and wings type of pads, so Stiles follows her advises and chooses one of the cheaper brand but with good quality).

 

When Stiles turned and saw Derek on the end of the row, looking uncomfortable, she smirked.

 

“What, you are scared with feminine products?”

 

Derek growled, looking angry and unamused. Stiles smirked and waved one of the pads box in front of him. “Which one is cuter, the flower pattern or the rabbit pattern?”

 

Derek refused to answer and looked away, but he stood by the end of the row waiting for Stiles, so Stiles counted it as a win. They resumed the grocery trip after that, and Stiles managed to make Derek promised to carry all the bags afterward.

 

“Because you are a werewolf with super power, you can totally help me to carry the grocery. Oh, you know what, I’ll even anointed you as my Grocery Knight! Behold the title!”

 

Derek complied while looking like he wanted to maul Stiles to death.

 

* * *

 

 

That night was the first night, and Stiles was ready. She prepared the bath towel around her hips area on the bed, checking that everything is fine and then put some pain medicine on the tale beside her bed. Derek watched the ritual in silence, and Stiles didn’t feel like explaining because the cramp has started. It was always painful for Stiles, especially when she ate cold stuff (why why why she ate the ice cream after dinner—curse her inability to refuse ice cream even when she knew she would regret it after) so she quickly climbed to bed and curled. It was lucky that the next day is Saturday; at least Stiles could bury herself under her blanket for the whole weekend.

 

She felt the bed creaked when Derek slipped on the bed as well. The pain suddenly spiked, so she gritted her teeth and wished herself to sleep. Yet she was surprised when Derek came behind her and hugged her, with the blanket and all.

 

“Is it painful?”

 

Stiles nodded. Derek patted her head and hugged her from behind, even though both of them were still awake. Stiles felt weird as Derek took the blanket away, then slowly massaged the nape of her neck, and then massaging her back, then her tummy. It felt ticklish; and she wanted to laugh, but the pain forbid her from being cheerful. Yet slowly she get used to the massage and it was quite wonderful.

 

“Sleep.” Derek whispered. “I’ll take care of you.”

 

Stiles nodded. She closed her eyes, but she asked with sleepy tone, “You are good… have you don’t this before?”

 

Stiles was asleep before Derek even answered. She never heard Derek muttering “Kate” as he kissed her hair.

 

 

* * *

 

Not even Scott was this good towards her, Stiles thought as she slowly sipped the hot chocolate Derek made for her. Sheriff Stilinski was suddenly called to the station due to some minor break in case, and he left the house after telling Stiles to cook whatever she wanted tonight—he would try to be back for dinner. Stiles nodded and wondering whether her dad knows that for the first day of her period, she really doesn’t want to do anything but curl up on bed and wishing to kill her own uterus; so cooking usually is out of the menu. Stiles usually cheated and ordered delivery before her father came back, and she was ready to do that before Derek took charge and started to cook something.

 

Stiles wanted to scream no, since she knew Derek was no good in the kitchen, yet when he came out from the kitchen with a mug of chocolate, peeping hot and some chocolate biscuits on a plate, Stiles melted and let him be. She curled on the sofa with her blanket all around her, enjoying the drink and chocolate galore. It was the best thing ever, showing how attentive Derek was. Stiles was curious how come Derek was so good at this, but currently she doesn’t have the will to ask.

 

Dinner was simple, consisting of microwaveable ready-made food. Stiles sighed and laughed at herself wondering why she believes Derek could actually cook. Nevertheless she enjoyed the dinner, especially when Derek refused to give her more ice cream and instead gave her hot honey lemon.

 

“You are an absolute angel.” Stiles moaned appreciatively. “Why do you know so much about this?”

 

Derek grunted. “I have a sister and a fiancee. It was required.”

 

Stiles suddenly felt the honey lemon tasted too bitter. Fiancee? Of course, silly Stiles. Derek is a handsome and wonderful man, of course he is already in love with someone else. Just like Scott. Ah. Disappointment. And also the embarrassment of her arrogance of thinking that Derek did this for her only. Of course he doesn’t. of course.

“Where are they now?” Stiles wondered just to change to subject. She wouldn’t let herself immerse in the depression again. What did she expect anyway?

 

“They are dead.”

 

“What.” Stiles turned so fast her neck went crack! And it hurt so bad. Stiles tried to relax her shoulder and neck, before trying to speak again. When the pain resided, she realised that Derek has moved and sat beside her, hands wonderfully kneading her stiff shoulders.

 

“Slow, girl.” Derek smirked. Stiles was surprised.

 

“You are smiling!”

 

Derek immediately scowled, and Stiles regretted pointing out the smile. Silly Stiles, always saying the wrong thing.

 

“Sorry, I mean I am so sorry to hear that… but what happened? Are you alright? Do you want to share? I can listen if you want to, I am a good listener!” Stiles quickly commented, turning to face Derek. Suddenly she realised that her face was inches away from his. Not good. Derek smelled good.

 

Derek shook his head softly. “Thank you, Stiles.”

 

The soft rejection was enough pointers for Stiles to not ask further. Which means she started to babble about all the questions and demanding answers about it. Finally Derek relented and answered most of her questions with short, concise answer like “no, yes, nothing, not your business.”

 

She went to bed feeling bad and also curious at the same time. And then when Derek massaged her again, she fell asleep in minutes. But she woke up in the middle of the night, when she felt particularly big chunk of her blood has sipped through her panties (this is her super power, which allows her to wake up whenever the flow became too much. It saved her so many times from the need to wash soiled underwear and bedsheet in the morning), she felt Derek hugged her closer and whispered, “Go back to sleep, Kate, I’ve got you.”

 

Stiles couldn’t sleep after that. She bet her head that Kate is not the sister, because judging from how Derek was hugging her, it felt more intimate than a sister brother relationship.

 

So… Kate.

 

One name that tells so much. Stiles imagined her as a perfect woman, probably blonde with nice body and huge breasts, which was the usual kind that boys like. Derek and Kate looked so wonderful together. And then she wondered to Alison, and then to herself. Kate and Allison are good names, feminine, sexy names. Stiles, on the other hand, sounded more like a boy, or a pet.

 

Ah why should she bring herself down?

 

She hated this. The jealousy, the degrading thinking of comparing other excellent ladies to herself, the embarrassment for thinking that she actually is attractive for any boy or man, the disappointment when she knows that the men she likes has liked somebody else. Men she likes… No, she doesn’t like Derek at all. Derek was just there, so probably Stiles mixed him up with Scott. Because Scott was never there with her anymore.

 

Stiles watched as the dark room slowly become more and more familiar. Her eyes traced the furniture, wondering whether her room was adequate as a girl room. She never has a mother, and Melissa never helped her to choose her furniture. She wondered whether if she has a mother, a real living mother, probably she would have better role model and she could teach her what boys like, what should she do to be liked, to be loved, and to be perfect all around.

 

She couldn’t blame her mother leaving, of course. Stiles felt so weak for even thinking of that. She knew how desperate she sounded like.

 

The painful cramp came and distracted her from the pain in her chest.

 

And she felt Derek’s arm around her even tighter.

 

Stiles wanted to cry for the unfairness of all.

 

Why cant the person she likes like her back?

 

* * *

 

 

Stiles tried her best to ignore her own thinking. She tried to accept everything as it is and treated Derek like he was just a friend. She ignored his smiles, his big hands and warm arms. She ignored the way he sometimes cuddled like a puppy in the morning. She also ignored Scott making eyes with Allison, Scott came to her and said hello but then immediately talked about Allison this and that. Stiles tried to ignore Scott when he stupidly invited Allison to eat with them, to share a bench with them, to make group with them. Instead sometimes she ran to Danny to make group, but most of the time Danny has paired up with one of the Jock Jerk Jackson, so she ended up making group with the perfect Lydia Martin.

 

She ignored everything around her by focusing on something else, like tonight’s dinner or catching up on materials she has missed due to her swollen ankle last time. She quitted the cheerleading squad, as she doesn’t think it worth it anymore—Scott doesn’t need her to cheer him up in the Lacrosse team—now that Scott is a werewolf with hunk body, he got endless supply of ladies cheering for him. He got into the main team right away, and actually doing pretty good.

 

Stiles smiled sadly as she sat on the bench, watching the practice. There were too many girls cheering for the team, but she could see Scott smiling toward only one girl—Allison—who was sitting on the other end of Stiles bench. Stiles didn’t even feel the need to compete with Allison anymore. She knew when she was defeated, utter and completely defeated.

 

“Hey Stiles.” Danny suddenly called her, making her turned toward him. Scott was behind him, smiling at her. Stiles wondered for a moment that probably Scott was coming to her again, but when he walked passed her and then sat beside Allison on the other end of bench, Stiles sighed and smiled depreciatingly.

 

Danny, on the other hand, sat beside her.

 

“…Don’t worry about him. He is just being an idiot, with the usual teenage hormone and everything. You are a great girl, and you know it, right?” Danny smiled reassuringly. Stiles smiled back, feeling lift up a bit.

 

“You are a great man, Danny.”

 

Danny smiled back and patted her back. “Just taking care of my friend. Look at Jackson, he is so deep inside his ass that he hurt people who actually loved him.”

 

Stiles laughed softly, wondering why Danny was acting so nicely at her. Why? What does he wanted from Stiles? Danny seemed to have everything, perfect body, cute handsome face, accepting friends and family for his sexual orientation, and enough money to go to private college. So why was he talking to Stiles? Was Stiles another charity case for him?

 

“…Danny, do you think I am attractive?”

 

Danny looked at her. His face and surprised expression proofed Stiles’ fear. “..You know I am not really attracted to girls, yeah?”

 

“I know. I just want to ask. Would you sleep with me if you are straight?”

 

_Lie to me, please. I need it._

 

Danny shrugged. But he smiled with kindness. “Of course. You are the most wonderful girl a boy can have, Stiles.”

 

Stiles felt her eyes prickled, but she smiled anyway. “Thank you, Danny. You are the best.”

 

Danny nodded. “You are great, Stiles. Trust me. And if you need anybody to talk to, I am here.”

 

Stiles felt a bit better after that, and she left without saying goodbye to Scott. Not that he cared anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

“…You can fuck me, you know.” Stiles blurted out that night, when they were in bed.

 

Immediately after she said that, she regretted it. She didn’t know why she said that. Just Danny’s words swimming inside her mind, and when she compared it to the movies and books she read, those words were the words the hero gave to the heroine’s best friend who are insecure and less pretty and was just there as a sidekick. In essence, the consolation a boy gave to an unattractive girl. That made Stiles afraid that she was actually unwanted and unattractive.

 

To reassure herself, she just suddenly jump to a conclusion that if Derek would fuck her, then she was still okay, attractive, _wanted_.

 

Wrong, _wrong_ thing to say.

 

Because Derek suddenly move away from her, looking as if she was talking in alien language. Stiles laughed it off, as a joke, and Derek looked like he loosened a bit. But damn tears actually betrayed her. She started sobbing even though she tried to laugh. No, no, no tears. Damn hormone. She is more prone to tears whenever she just had her period. Stupid, stupid Stiles.

 

“Am I that bad?” Stiles tilted her head, eyes blurred with water. Her chest was pounding hard, pain twisting her chest. Her voice showed how broken she felt. They have been sleeping on the same bed for a week and a few days, give or take, and not even once Derek tried to touch her inappropriately. Cursed her limited knowledge about boys, but even knew that boys couldn’t have their hands off girls if they could help it. So the fact that Derek has shown no interest on her at all hurt her pride so hard. And she was desperate. She wanted to feel _wanted_.

 

“Stiles, it’s not… this is not right.” Derek spoke out, and it was one of the longer sentences the man has ever said to her throughout the week. She wanted to laugh. He spoke that much just to reject her.

 

She wanted to be wanted, damn it. She wanted to feel how it felt to be loved like Allison being loved by Scott. Can’t she have that for a night, just a night?

 

“I want it. Don’t you?” Stiles asked.

 

“Look, I know you are having a hard time now, but you’ll regret this after. You don’t even know me all that well…”

 

“No.” Stiles shook her head. She won’t regret anything anymore. She has nothing else to lose. Nothing. “I don’t care. I won’t regret any of this. I knew you for the past week, and I let you in without asking much. Just… can’t you return the favour for tonight? Just once?.... and then you can go. I’ll let you do whatever you want. I am quite bendy, you know.”

 

Derek stiffened. Stiles rubbed her eyes, wondering whether she should move to the guest room now. But then she felt Derek’s hand on her cheek, rubbing it slowly.

 

“I like you, Stiles. But I am not ready for anything more serious. I just lost my family and was betrayed by my fiancée. I can’t give you much promise or commitment. I have nothing to offer. I want to touch you. But I can’t offer whatever you need. So I don’t touch you. I respect you. Do you understand me?”

 

Stiles nodded. “ye…yeah.” She didn’t, actually. She was lying through her teeth. “Alright. I am sorry for saying anything at all.”

 

She buried herself inside the blanket like a burrito and wished she could easily reboot her life, like she does to her laptop.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning she wondered why she woke up with empty bed. Derek was nowhere to be found. Then she remembered the night before, and realised how embarrassing she was behaving. Stupid, stupid Stiles.

 

She went to the bathroom and watched her own image in the mirror. Mirror, mirror, who is the stupidest of all?

 

She took double dose of her usual ADHD medication, thinking that supressing her thought for the day would be better than thinking too much.

 

 

* * *

 

She was surprised to find that she has forgotten Melissa birthday. She just remembered when Scott came to her in the class and told her about the dinner that night would take place at his place. Initially she wondered why dinner, but then she checked her phone and yes, it was Melissa’s birthday (she has an alarm in her phone calendar). Shit, she hasn’t prepared any gift and she didn’t tell her father either. She quickly texted her father, and asked him to get some bouquet of flowers for both of them.

 

After school, she let Scott get into her jeep, while Allison took the passenger seat on the back. Allison has a small beautifully wrapped box in her hands, and she was smiling prettily, asking for assurance that Melissa would like her present. Scott smiled and assured her, and Stiles did the same.

 

Stiles felt so wretched. She watched as Allison kissed Melissa’s cheek, congratulating her and then giving the present. She watched as Melissa squealed in happiness when she saw a beautiful simple silver bracelet in the box and thanked Allison. She felt so wretched when she hugged Melissa and told her that father would bring the present from both of them. She felt wretched when Melissa smiled at her lovingly and kissed her forehead and told her she doesn’t want present, Stiles being there was already present enough. Stiles felt wretched when she tried to help, but Allison has taken her space and helped Melissa out. Melissa asked Stiles to go and wait with Scott, and it hurt her chest so deeply. She doesn’t know why, but she really afraid of Allison taking her space in the McCall household. She was the daughter, but now Allison might already take over her spot.

 

Her father came quite late, but the dinner was wonderful. Her father looked at Scott and Allison, then looked at Stiles questioningly. Stiles pretended she didn’t realise her father’s eyes. And then Melissa and her father started to talk and they looked so comfy with one another. Her father brought a big flower bouquet, and a box of the best chocolate. It was the brand Melissa like, and they shared the box together. Stiles sat on the table, watching two couples being nice and lovey dovey to one another, and then wondered why she even bothered being there. She flicked through the television while Scott and Allison answering Melissa and her father’s questions.

 

When the dinner finally finished, she entered her jeep and turned on the engine. She was thankful that her father brought his own car. She has said goodbye earlier, telling them that she needed to head back and do her homework. Melissa didn’t want to let her go, but Scott ensured her it was fine, and so she left. Stiles left feeling like lowest of idiots.

 

* * *

 

 

When she opened her door, Derek was actually on the bed. Stiles looked away and changed, didn’t bother to cover herself. Derek has established that he didn’t find Stiles attractive, so there was no point to cover up. Even being naked, Stiles was unwanted and unattractive.

 

“Where were you?” Derek asked. Stiles didn’t answer. There was no need for her to answer. He didn’t care about her, so why did he want to know anyway?

 

“Stiles, you were late and you reeked of sadness. What happened?”

 

Stiles ignored the man and stripped naked. She then walked around the room, turning on the laptop and bends down to find some old comfy clothes for pyjamas. She wanted to take a long bath now. Since her father won’t be back home until late, just like usual whenever he gets to spend time with Melissa.

 

“Please cover yourself.” Derek whispered softly.

 

Stiles shrugged but covered her body with towel. She took the bottle of rose bath salt, a birthday present from Melissa two years ago (it showed how unfeminine Stiles are, since the bath set was still mostly intact, unused). “Why should I? This is my room, and you don’t want me anyway. Just look away.”

 

“I… I am still a man, Stiles.”

 

“Great. Good. You are a man, so what? Why are you here anyway? I thought you have left this morning. No other place to go is it? Poor you, returning to the hell hole with _Stiles_ because you don’t have anywhere else to go. If you are uncomfortable, then you are most welcome to leave.”

 

Actually it was best if Derek left, so Stiles could brood and immersed in her loneliness alone in her room.

 

Stiles ignored Derek’s reaction and went to the bathroom to wash herself and prepared to sleep. She decided there was no point of brooding, since no one cares anyway. She just need to pass through one day at a time, and things would get better. Probably she could get father to marry Melissa and so they would have each other and then Stiles would be free to go someplace else, far far away where she was actually needed. Something like volunteering. Yeah. That sounded good. She would find her place someplace else because she has lost her place here.

 

Feeling better after the long bath, she slipped into bed with wet hair and warmth. Tomorrow would be a better day, she was sure about it. Just be positive. Be positive, Be positive.

 

A hand slipped to her waist and pulled her to a strong, sturdy chest.

 

Be positive.


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles almost had a heart attack when her father called her name. Recently the sheriff won’t wake up until at least 9 am, in which Stiles has already went to school. She turned to see her father standing by the kitchen door, watching her closely. She smiled.

 

“Morning, dad. What do you want for breakfast?”

 

Her father walked toward her and kissed her head. Stiles smiled and felt the love, then ushered him to sit down on while she cooked same bacons and eggs. When it was ready, she sat beside him and gave him most of the food, she wasn’t feeling hungry that morning.

 

She wondered where did Derek go? It seemed that the werewolf knew whenever her father was near and always left the house before her father could even sense him.

 

“Stiles… do you want to take a day off today? We can go have picnic or day trip to the park again. Its been quite long since I spend time with you, and lately I am too busy to take care of you.”

 

Stiles raised her eyebrows. “What. Are. You. Talking. About. You are the sheriff dad, and the Beacon Hills needs you! I am fine, thanks for the worry though. But then… oh! Listen, Bacon hills, not Beacon Hills, do you get the joke? A hill of bacon!”

 

Her father sighed at her poorly attempted joke, but he looked more relaxed. Stiles was glad at least she could still assure her dad. Her father has so much more stuff to worry about, and Stiles shouldn’t be one of them. Stiles is a good girl, independent and dependable and she is always fine.

 

“I’ve see that Scott got a girlfriend.” Her father shrugged.

 

Stiles stiffened for a second, but then immediately put on her cheerful mask. “Oh yes! Do you know that he always speak about Allison this Allison that? He is soooo whipped. Have you seen him lately dad? He is like a lost puppy, following her everywhere! I hope Allison doesn’t report him to you, ha!”

 

Her father looked like he was contemplating Stiles’ answer, and Stiles felt really uncomfortable like that. She quickly finished her food and then head off to school. She wondered where Derek was, and probably the man needed to find his own food for that morning since her father doesn’t seem to be going out to work anytime soon.

 

But her father’s gesture alarmed Stiles. Her father must have sensed something wrong. She was a bit torn between basking in her father’s attention and worry; yet on the other hand she felt guilty because her father has too much to worry about and she shouldn’t be burdening him. What a dilemma. Stiles wished she wasn’t a good girl at all sometimes. Good girl needs to think about other people’s thought all the time.

 

Before she could leave the house, her father suddenly patted her head and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

 

“Have a great day today,” her father smiled. “Let’s have dinner tonight. I’ll take you out.”

 

Stiles smiled back, happily. It has been a long time since they had a dinner together, not counting the day before when they were celebrating Melissa’s birthday.  A day off probably would be too much for Stiles, but a dinner together would be wonderful. The time when her father was hers only, and no one else. Probably she could cook something more extravagant, and probably she could forget about her father’s healthy diet as well. Or she could also borrowed some movie and they could watch it together. She thought about the dessert she was going to make, and her father’s favourite food.

 

It was going to be the most wonderful dinner for sure, and she was looking forward to it.

“It’s okay dad. Let’s eat together tonight at home? I’ll cook something good tonight?”

Her eager tone betrayed her will to be a good girl. Her father looked at her with a gentle smile and rubbed her cheek. Stiles smiled back and hugged her dad. It truly has been a while since she actually hugged him, and it felt good.

 

She went to school with smile on her lips, while thinking about dishes she would cook that night.

* * *

 

 

“Stiles, do you have time later?” Scott sat in front of her. Stiles looked up from the page she was googling in her phone, blinking.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“I … I was thinking maybe we should check the forest again. Something in my head kept telling me to go there tonight.”

 

“Tonight…?” Stiles wondered and then an uneasiness entered her mind. She quickly opened a new browser and checked the lunar calendar. True to her suspicion, that night would be full moon.

 

“Uh oh.” Stiles bit her lips. She wanted to come and helped Scott, really, but she wants to go and spend a dinner with her father. She looked up to see Scott, innocent puppy eyes and pleading, looking just like an overgrown puppy. Stiles looked down and she saw the list of recipes she has written down on the paper (yes, the old fashioned way, since she was too excited to print in the school library’s outdated computers). And she decided then.

 

“Sorry, Scott. I’ve got dinner with my dad planned tonight. I’ll see what I can do, but probably I cant come, sorry.”

 

“Noooo… please, Stiles, you are the only one I can depend on this matter, please please please…”

 

“How about your significant other? You can ask her to help you.” Stiles shrugged, and weirdly enough, the pain in her chest was considerably less painful than a few days ago.

 

Scott looked away. “I… I haven’t actually tell her about it.”

 

Stiles’ mouth went ‘o’. “Seriously? You need to tell her soon, you know.”

 

Scott shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t just tell her. I am not sure how she would react.”

 

Stiles put down her phone and went all lectury on the value of truth with your partner, just a moment before Allison came over and asked what they were doing. Stiles and Scott looked like they were deer caught in the headlight, They changed the topic immediately to the weather, and tried to awkwardly laughed it off. Allison watched them, looking suspicious, but Scott and Stiles were nothing less than thick of thieves together. Luckily the bell saved them, and Stiles hurriedly ran out to her next class, which fortunately was separate class from either Allison or Scott.

 

When she looked back, she saw Allison interrogating Scott closely, looking angry. Stiles wondered whether they have finished their honeymoon phase and now going toward divorce? Nevertheless, she wanted the best for Scott, and if Scott is happy with her, who is Stiles to say?

 

She walked slower to her class, trying to change her thought process back to dinner. She has a lot to prepare, and probably she might need to prepare Derek’s portion as well… wait. If tonight is full moon, wouldn’t it affect Derek as well?

 

* * *

 

She huffed in satisfaction. Stiles just finished roasting a perfect chicken with asparagus. She also has spaghetti bolognaise, with enough cheese to burst her father’s vein, but it is a special night, so it should be fine. She also have asparagus cream soup ready as appetizer, also crème Brule as dessert. She felt very accomplished.

 

Feeling energized, she set up the plates on the table nicely using her mother’s cheap China. She somehow ended up learning how to fold the napkin from Youtube. She added a good tablecloth as well, then prepared the drink. It was a cheap punch, but after adding watermelon and some apple bite sized in it, the drink looks amazing. Stiles then sat on the sofa, waiting for her father to return. It is going to be the best dinner ever.

 

Soon, she heard her father’s car parking beside the house. She rushed towards the door and opened it for her dad, who looked surprised but smiling widely when he saw Stiles. He hugged her daughter, and Stiles enjoyed the smell of his father’s office on his uniform. She ushered him in, asked him to take a quick shower and then they can enjoy the dinner together. Her father laughed happily and purposely walked slowly towards the bathroom. It made Stiles pouted, but she couldn’t help but smile too.

 

Her father praised her for the food. It looked good, he said. Just when they were ready to sit down, suddenly her father’s phone rang. The sheriff looked at her daughter guiltily and answered the phone. Stiles watched him closely, wishing it was nothing.

 

“…But I am having dinner with my daughter now.”

 

Stiles bit her lips. No, please don’t go. Dad, please don’t go.

 

“Listen, I understand we are understaffed, but…”

 

Stiles felt her wish slowly getting away.

 

“…Fine, I’ll be there in half an hour.”

 

Stiles looked down onto her empty plate.

 

“Stiles…”

 

“What, now?” Stiles asked, and was proud that her voice was calm.

 

“It seemed that something would happen tonight near the forest. We have some anonymous tip. Usually we won’t put too much weight on such tip, but recently sighting of suspicious man have been reported near that area, and we cannot ignore the tip.”

 

Tonight… Stiles wondered. Shit. Scott. Derek. Werewolf. Forest. Stiles remembered how Scott said he was attracted to the forest.

 

“No.” Stiles shook her head. “Don’t go, dad. I have a bad feeling about this.”

 

“Stiles…”

 

“I am serious, dad. Don’t go. Something is wrong.”

 

“Stiles, please be considerate.” Her father scratched his head. “We can eat together after I come back, or tomorrow morning.”

 

Stiles felt her anger rose. “I slaved over these food already.” _Don’t you appreciate it?_

“Stiles, you can eat it first. I’ll try to get back as soon as possible.”

 

“But you always come back very late. I am hungry now, father.”

 

“You can eat this, this really looks delicious…”

 

“But I want to eat it with you!” Stiles almost screamed, but she held herself back. “I cooked this for us!”

 

“We can eat out tomorrow, if you want? I’ll treat you an expensive restaurant next town tomorrow, promise.”

 

“But I cooked this! I don’t want it go waste! And you have promised to eat tonight dinner with me!”

 

“That’s why we’ll eat out next time!”

 

“…You don’t like my cooking, dad?”

 

“Stiles, it’s not that, you know I love your cooking…”

 

“Then stay. Eat with me.”

 

“…Sorry.” Her father whispered softly and stood from his seat. It made Stiles even angrier, and in the moment of anger, she took the spaghetti bowl and throw it at him. It missed her father’s torso by a bit, but the China smashed onto the floor. The pasta and its sauce dirtied her father’s shirt and the floor.

 

“Stiles!” Her father shouted in anger, and Stiles couldn’t care less. She threw her mother’s China plate onto the wall behind her father, and then screamed her heart out.

 

“GO! JUST GO AND LEAVE!”

 

“Stiles!”

 

“GO AND LEAVE LIKE MOM!”She hurled towards the door, and took her coat. She then ran as fast as her feet could take her. If her father wanted to go, then damn him. She was tired being a good girl, a compassionate, understanding daughter. His work was always more important than Stiles. Melissa is more important than Stiles now. Scott has Allison, and Derek wont touch him. So be it. She doesn’t need anyone. She doesn’t care anymore. She was fine being alone.

 

Alone is fine. Alone is good.

 

* * *

 

 

When she realized where she was, Stiles found herself standing in front of Scott’s apartment. When she looked up, she saw Scott standing in front of her.

 

“Stiles? You come for me?” Scott smiled widely, but immediately turned concerned, “Are you alright? Why are you crying?”

 

Stiles wiped her face twice, hard. And then she sighed, before smiling like usual. “Nothing, I am good now.”

 

“No you are not.” Scott looked serious and he hugged Stiles tightly. “Who made you cry, Stiles?”

 

“Really, nothing.”

 

“You were saying a dinner or something…”

 

“Yeah, with my dad.”

 

“Nonsense. Your father would still be working now. Who did you meet with, Stiles?”

 

Stiles laughed hollowly. Even Scott knew that it was futile to think that father would ditch his work for her. Was she in another denial, just like the last time when she denied that her mother is dead? And again, Scott was the one who called her back from her own denial world.

 

“Nobody. Nothing. Really. Anyway, let’s go.”

 

“Stiles…”

 

“The forest, yeah? Have you talked to Allison yet?”

 

Scoot sheepishly shook his head. Stiles felt relieved, she still got something to distract Scott with. Also something that apparently still secret only between them. Allison has not yet penetrated Scott’s trust. And immediately Stiles felt awful for being so petty.

 

“Scott, you know she will found out sooner or later, right? You can’t keep hiding from her, especially if you need a night out every month. You don’t have period.”

 

“eww!” Scott made a face, “TMI!”

 

Stiles shrugged, but the atmosphere came back to casual and normal, in which made Stiles felt more comfortable. She managed to get the disaster dinner with her father away from mind, and then focused on Scott and his transformation.

 

It proved to be the worst thing ever for both of them. Scott started to change into werewolf in pain (no, not as smooth as fuck like all the movies and novels said it would be) and slowly Scott lost his mentality. He still recognized Stiles though, but when he started to change into full werewolf in the car, he was in great pain and doesn’t want to hurt Stiles, so he opened the door abruptly and jumped from the jeep. Stiles was shocked, and after a second she decided to drive and follow Scott.

 

Scott was jumping faster than the jeep could follow, and soon the wolf entered into the deeper part of the forest Stiles’ jeep couldn’t reach. She clenched the steering wheel in frustration, before taking her phone with her and jumped out of the jeep. She ran towards the direction Scott went, but running in the forest was not as easy as it looks. She slowed down to catch her breath, wondering whether she could even catch up with Scott.

 

She looked around and found the area quite familiar. It was near the place where Scott got bitten last time. Thinking about it made her body shivered and Stiles started to get antsy. Should she come back to the jeep, or should she move on? Where is Scott anyway?

 

“Oh. What we’ve got here?”

 

The voice was pure creepiness, it froze Stiles. It was the wrong thing to do, since the next second, an arm snaked around her waist and someone licked Stiles’ neck from the back. Stiles had goosebump all over, and it was creepy, creepy, creepy.

 

“You smell wonderful, little Red.”

 

Stiles looked down and true to it, she was wearing a red hoodie. Wow. That was bad. She was going to get raped, or violated. Shit Shit Shit.

 

“SCOTTT!!!!” Stiles screamed. “HELP!!!!”

 

“Shhhhh, Little Red. Don’t be afraid. Don’t be loud too.” The man whispered by her ear, and she flinched from the bad touch. She tried to struggle, but the sharp nail was on her neck. It stung her skin, opening it as if Stiles’ skin was nothing but thin, flimsy plastic sheet.

 

“Wha…What do you want from me?” Stiles asked, feeling angry with her voice. She sounded so pathetic, but truly, she was afraid for her life now.

 

“A lot, Little Red. But you, you smell good and you will make decent, or a good beta for the new Hale pack.”

 

Stiles gulped, wondering whether it was the day everything end, whether she would die there, or probably she would be turned into a wolf. And her ADHD mind started to rant and commented on her current predicament. Would that be a blessing or a curse? Scott became healthier and more attractive after getting bitten. Would that be the same with Stiles if she get bitten? And wouldn’t that be awesome—two of them being werewolves, right for each other. Probably Scott would see her then, and not Allison anymore. But it sounded petty even to her mind. Curse her sensibilities.

 

Yet, this crazy man sounded like he actually wanted Stiles—wouldn’t that what she wanted all along? To be wanted, in one way or another? Wouldn’t that be great—she could follow this man, and her father would be able to spend more time as sheriff for the Beacon Hills and probably marry Melissa. Then Scott would marry Allison, and Stiles would be walking away with this guy… and nobody would care anymore, because who cared about Stiles? Stiles is a good girl, and she can deal with alone. She is used to be independent anyway.

 

Her mind was interrupted when she saw Scott’s body with a wolf head appearing in front of them. Stiles wanted to cry with relief. That was definitely Scott’s favourite hoodie the half man half wolf was wearing. Stiles felt her body being thrown to the side, and immediately there was some sort of clash on the air. It felt surreal, like a live-action ninja movie. Stiles froze for a moment, before realizing that Scott was actually losing. The man—he looked old, uncle-ish, quite cute if you like those type, crazy eyes, have not yet turn into werewolf—looked like he is a veteran werewolf, easily dodged Scott’s uncontrolled attack, while aiming for Scott’s weak points.

 

Shit. She needed to help Scott.

 

She looked around and found that the forest doesn’t provide much weapon. She took a small rock and threw it at them. Yet it embarrassingly off the target due to the inhumane speed of the werewolves’ movement. She took another stone and tried again. Again. And again. On the fifth throw, she felt like she was in the fun fair; shooting the moving duck target to get the first prize but being a noob, she might ended up getting cheated out of her money.

 

Out of pure luck, one of the rock she threw actually hit the man on his back.

 

Stiles almost whooped and enjoyed her winning; but when she saw the man slowly turned to see her, she cursed her stupidity. The man looked like she wanted to skin her alive. Not good. Not good at all. On the meantime, Scott was catching his breath on the forest floor, bathed in blood. Despite the super fast healing, some of the strike from the man has hurt deep and was not easy to close.

 

Stiles bit her lips and turned back, started to run. She knew it was stupid, especially since it gave the wolf a running prey to catch. She huffed through the shrubs, trying to run as fast as possible. Her heart was thumping loudly and her fear spiked up, only to be matched by her adrenaline rush.

 

She turned to check where he was, and immediately regret it.

 

The man was grinning maniacally at her, just a mere meter from her. He looked so happy and Stiles fell forward. She crawled away; yet her hoodie was pulled from behind.

 

“Little Red, you look delicious. You are perfect.”

 

“NO!!!!” Stiles screamed.

 

It was then the man being pushed away, crashing onto some trees. Stiles looked up and saw a half wolf and half man that looked like Derek.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

Stiles nodded, body weak from the rush; but now that Derek was there, things would get better… would it?

 

It seemed that Stiles was premature in her relief, but at least Derek matched the man’s speed and strength. They started to shout to each other, and Stiles slowly found out that the man was the one killing Laura Hale, the body found in the forest previous weeks ago. Also, it appeared that Derek knew the man quite well. When Stiles saw how it would be a stalemate, she became a daredevil once again and this time she hurled herself at the man. It shocked him and stopped him moving for a second, which gave Derek the chance to break the man’s neck. When the man fell down onto the forest floor and not moving at all, Stiles let go her breath.

 

Derek, on the other hand, looked really, really bad.

 

“You alright?” Stiles asked, worried.

 

“…I just killed my own uncle.” Derek closed his eyes in pain. “And now I am the alpha.”     

 

“Huh.” Stiles blanked. “Oh. What?”

 

Uncle!?

 

* * *

 

Stiles found herself taking Scott home, while Derek sat on the passenger seat. After she deposited the unconscious Scott, she turned the jeep back home. it felt surreal, everything was. she almost forgotten her fight with the Sheriff. And now she sitting beside Derek, and the man looked like he has the whole world’s responsibility on his shoulder.

 

“Hey, you alright? Just… just come with me and take a bath or something. You can stay until you get better.” Stiles said while keeping her eyes on the road, determined not to see the werewolf whose eye started to glow red. “I have some food at home... since father won’t eat them, you might as well finish them. Also, do you need to talk? I am good at listening “ Stiles knew she was rubbish at listening, but she doesn’t care, she just wanted to ensure Derek is alright, “…and I can call the sheriff office to tip them where your uncle’s body is.”

 

Derek didn’t answer, but when they reached her place (it was dark and light unlit—it showed how long the sheriff has left the place and nobody was at home) Derek suddenly put his head on Stiles’.

 

“Thank you, Stiles.” He whispered, and _be still, oh my heart,_ Stiles thought; “…Thank you.”

 

“I should be the one thank you…” Stiles started to talk, and then Derek silenced him with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take a bit of liberty on some of the scene, and only loosely following canon. 
> 
> And behold! The next chapter is pure smut. I am halfway through. 
> 
> Any first time kink recommendation? 
> 
> Thanks for reading, please visit me at http://hasesosi.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may upset some. Please read with care. 
> 
> I apologise before hand.

A kiss.

 

Stiles blinked and wondered whether all kissed taste like this. Smelled like this. Like forest, animal and excitement. Taste like the chicken … chicken asparagus? Did Derek steal her cooking? She was sure… Oh. She left the house without putting the food inside the fridge—she was in her emotional high when that happened, that’s why she wasn’t calm enough to think about putting dishes in the fridge. Maybe Derek took it after her father gone?

 

The next moment, everything was forgotten. Derek’s kiss got more desperate, hungrier. His hands were around her, one around her waist and the other her neck. Fortunately the car has stopped, or Stiles would crash her jeep onto the wall. She couldn’t concentrate at all with this. Derek’s tongue was playing inside her mouth, coaxing her own tongue to dance with his.

 

Saliva Exchange. Quite. It should be gross, but when Stiles tasted it, it smelled and tasted like Derek. And suddenly, she didn’t mind the saliva exchange. Like, at all. She closed her eyes. It was wonderful, really. Being kissed, hugged, as if you are the only thing that matters.

 

The kiss stopped, and Stiles felt herself chasing for fresh air. It was intense. If all kisses are like this, she didn’t understand why there are wars in the world. Just kiss each other, and it would be peace all around. Derek panted, and she found herself chasing Derek’s lips again. This time, she sucked his lips. It was harsher than her soft lips, but delicious nonetheless.

 

Derek took it as a welcome. She felt the seatbelt on her seat was taken off, and the hands around her pulled her up. Immediately she felt she moved to the next seat, right on top of Derek’s lap. Ph, that was better. Their position allows deeper contact, more surface to touch. She put her arms around Derek’s neck, just like the movies. Probably it was unwise to pretend she was a pro in this, but hell, her knowledge of these kinds of things are limited to the ones she saw in the cinema.

 

“Just let it go.” Derek growled before attacking her neck.

 

She held her breath. It was funny, the feeling of ticklishness and the swoon from her stomach. Someone was kissing her neck, and it was Derek. Derek, the Greek God who has been sleeping beside her for the past weeks. His body heat and scent were a bit different today, more like animal, but similar enough. Her body recognized Derek.

 

She felt a bit sexy. Like Megan Fox in Eminem’s music video. And she liked it.

 

It continued, Derek’s hands were everywhere, and then her hoodie was gone. It was colder, but Derek’s heat kept her warm. He was hot, Goodness, his body radiating heat more than usual. Then she felt it, the erection underneath her arse.

 

“De…derek?” she asked; her voice soft (and a bit scared, but no, no, no, Stiles’ no coward).

 

“Shhh…” the responding hush were enough to silence her. She wanted this, even boldly proposing to Derek last time. She was hurt when she was rejected by Derek. But now, when Derek looks like he was ready to pound her to the bed, she felt a bit afraid, and maybe she wanted to backtrack a bit. The kiss and touch and hug were nice and all, but real sex? It was a bit too much for Stiles. Especially after a night when she helped Derek killed a man.

 

Oh God, Oh God.

 

“Calm down, Stiles. Everything is fine.” Derek growled, and he put her face onto her chest. It was rather flat, but Derek looks like he didn’t care about the flatness at all. Stiles felt the desperation in his voice, and then she felt Derek putting his mouth on her left nipple. She gasped. The feeling of her chest being sucked by someone else was kind of new. Exhilarating. It was different feeling from touching oneself in the bathroom. It was more exciting, as you don’t know what they would do next, unlike your own brain who knows that ugh, here come the hands again—need to wash your own body—reduce the sensitivity, nothing sexual. It was different than this, being touched and sucked and caressed by another. Stripped to nothing while Derek enjoyed every bit of her skin and chest.

 

She couldn’t help but enjoy it and sighed.

 

And enjoyed she did. Until she was naked and Derek wears nothing as well (he went commando. Stiles wondered whether it was always the case or was it just because the full moon). It was tad bit cramped inside the jeep, and Stiles wished to come into the house, but again, she couldn’t risk it, just in case. Or maybe Derek couldn’t wait. He is humping her now.

 

She saw his cock—huge, dear Merlin, its huge—and Derek was growling. His eyes started to change colour into golden and shiny. As he humped her, she felt slowly her mind was leaving her. Derek’s eyes were hypnotizing.

 

“Shhh.” He whispered while Stiles felt something penetrated her cunt for the first time. It felt new, sensual. And it moved, making Stiles gasped and moved forward, bumping her body onto Derek’s. the finger didn’t stop there, it slowly caressed the soft folds, touching her clit, circling the bundle of nerves. Stiles found herself breathless. Derek kissed her again, playing with her swollen lips.

 

The finger moved, giving Stiles some mercy. The sensation of wanting to pee was getting stronger now. Especially when the finger slowly moved up and down her folds, then found her hole. She felt herself getting wet. And the finger played with the secretion, spreading it over her now sensitive folds.

 

When it entered, she gasped again. A bit pain, and a bit something else. Something dirty and made her felt great. She is almost becoming a woman.

 

It entered. Oh. Something is touching her inside. It felt weird. She never felt it before. And quite wonderful, actually.

 

The finger was joined by another one, making Stiles bit her lips tighter. It was ticklish and dirty and making her shaking from want. She wanted to pee, and her stomach felt tight. Something was rising, and in the meanwhile she was wet, truly wet.

 

The fingers played with her for a moment before they went off altogether. Stiles almost regret the lost before a bigger tip, something roundish and even softer entered her. She gasped loud, while Derek wasted no time and impaled her onto his huge dick.

 

Dear God--! Stiles almost screamed but she couldn’t. pain, pain, pain. “Nnnn! Derek!!!”

 

“You smelled good.” Derek whispered. He waited for a second before raising Stiles’ hips up, lessening the pain. Stiles breath out in relief, before Derek pushed her down again, injecting Stiles with the full length again. This time, Stiles screamed. It continued, repeatedly. Slowly it gets addictive. It made her stomach fluttered like never before. Made her feels sexy. Made her feels alive. Made her body shivered in wants.

 

More.

 

She gasped and curled her arms around Derek. The werewolf kept fucking her ruthlessly, and it was good, better than good. Stiles moaned softly on Derek’s ear, made easy because of their sitting pose. It aroused Derek further, as he pounded up faster. Stiles couldn’t move, and honestly it was too good for her to move she couldn’t control her body Derek’s control was good for now. It was her first time, don’t judge her on being lazy and make Derek did all the work. The man didn’t sound like he minded it either.

 

It felt so good, too good to be true.

 

She panted, feeling her inside being touched with every inch of the big cock. Nothing was romantic, it was animalistic, full of pants and lusts and dirty sound of her ass cheeks slapping Derek’s thighs. She started to get some control over her own body, limbs, and her _hole._ When Derek pushed in next, she constricted it _tight_.

 

Holy Jesus on crack.

 

She could felt the whole thing, the size, the shape, the thickness, the wetness, the hotness, everything. Derek was truly inside her, splitting her up.

 

Derek moaned too, loudest, showing his agreement with Stiles.

 

Stiles started to gain her confidence. It felt good for both of them. Not only her, but him as well. She moved her hips,

 

Oh dear.

 

That was new.

 

She likes it.

 

And so, when Derek pushed up the next time, she was ready. She moved her hips, grinds it down to meet the push. At first it was painful, too deep, just too deep—but then again, the feeling came back. The pleasure, oh and the need to pee. It was arousing. Stiles wanted more. And she knew Derek needed more as well.

 

She felt Derek’s skin getting hotter and hotter, now a bit wet from the sweat. Their sweat. She kept moving up and down, enjoying everything, Derek inside her, Derek’s hands on her hips, the sounds of slapping skin against skin, the moans sometimes from her and sometimes from him, the heating air around them, and the smell of sex.

 

The sensations built up. Stiles felt her stomach constricted without her control—it milked Derek’s cock inside her. Derek panted harder, his hand gripping her hips in more desperate and painful manner. She was almost there, don’t know what ‘there’ is, but she knew she was coming there. And then she realized, the dick drilling inside her was getting bigger.

 

“Wh..ahhh What…?”

 

And there. It became bigger it _hurts_.

 

Stiles screamed and pushed Derek away. Unfortunately the base of his penis became too big for her to push out, so she was stuck. Then she felt Derek coming, hot thing spurting inside her body, her hole. Dear lord, she cried hard. It brought her to her own orgasm. Something that made her lost her vision, everything was stars and white.   

 

She slugged forward, leaning on Derek.

 

She thought it was the end of it. It was immensely good, something she didn’t mind having again, but probably not so soon. She needs to recover from the feeling first. There is so much good one can take.

 

Then she felt Derek rutting again. Not as desperate, but definitely moving inside her again. The thing is, because the penis became giant, Stiles couldn’t push him away. The only thing she could do was to let Derek had his time, pushing in and out in minimum distance. She was stuck there, on Derek’s lap, feeling Derek rutting and chasing his own pleasure again, the big thing corked her pussy and wont let her move away.

 

She closed her eyes and let Derek finish himself for the second time.

 

Then, when she was starting to get aroused again, Derek came again inside her. The spurt was hot; she wanted to moan, but Derek’s voice shut her up.

 

_“Kate!”_

 

Oh.

 

Her name is Stiles… yes?

 

Oh.

 

Derek opened his eyes and he paled. He looked so guilty and afraid. Stiles blinked. She closed her eyes. The guilt made it even more painful.

 

“St..Stiles, I don’t… I mean, “

 

So much for the joy of her first time. People said that first time was never the best, but nobody warned her of how painful it would be.

 

She tried to smile, but the pain in her chest messed her control. She couldn’t smile at all, just staring at Derek’s face. It has returned from the half wolf creature he was before. In front of him was Derek, the usual Derek, who has invaded her room and bedroom and pretended to like Stiles but who ever like Stiles? Everybody like Stiles when they needed something from her. And Derek has tainted her with his need.

 

She couldn’t blame him, really. She offered before, and she let him did it. So she couldn’t blame him. The pain in her chest and the disappointment in her head were all her own fault. At least it was pleasurable for her before he called someone else's name. 

 

Stiles took away her arms from Derek’s neck, suddenly feeling less inclined to touch the man. She would love to move and went into the house, if only she was not tied by the swelling penis inside her. She tried to tug, but it was painful for both of them.

 

Derek was stammering in apology.

 

Stiles pretended she couldn’t hear. It was silly, since they were tied up and there are only centimeters of distance between them. But Stiles hold on to her dignity. She tried to gather her clothes, ignoring Derek. She found her hoodie and her pants.

 

The swelling reduced after five awkward minutes. Immediately after she felt the swelling going down, she pulled away. Derek tried to help her by gripping her hips, but she shrugged it as if she was disgusted. She was, actually disgusted with him and herself. What did she think? The man didn’t like her at all. Stiles was just a convenient body who let him have his pleasure.

 

She moved to the driver seat, trying to ignore the new pain inside her stomach and vagina while putting on her clothes back. She opened the door then, and closed it behind her.

 

It was her jeep. Well, at least she lost her virginity inside her beloved jeep. It was somehow a consolation. Or a bad thing, since she would be reminded of the failure and pain everytime she uses her jeep. Shit. She couldn’t think now. It was painful just to breathe.

 

Slowly she walked—she tried to walk with dignity, but it was a bit of pain to walk. So she walked slowly, pretending nothing was wrong. The front door was locked, and when she tried to find the key, she found nothing. Either she has lost her key somewhere, or she left it inside the jeep. And she didn’t want to face anyone, especially Derek right now.

 

She made mistakes by mistakes that night. Full moon does affect everyone, huh? Not only the werewolves.

 

“…Let me.” Derek suddenly was standing behind her. She jumped out of surprised and cursed when the pain between her legs shot her nerves. Derek’s hands steadied her and she immediately shrugged it off. Derek radiating regret when Stiles flinched and looked like he wanted to hug Stiles. 

 

He kicked the door instead.

 

It opened easily, the door broken. Stiles nodded in thanks, she must keep being polite after all, but she couldn't speak much at the moment. She walked in and climbed the stairs, to her room. Her bed looked so good now and she snuggled into the comforter.

 

“For all it’s worth, I am sorry.” Derek said behind her. “I am truly sorry Stiles.”

 

“D...Don't! It was…” Stiles didn't know why she spoke out, really. “…my first.”

 

She sobbed.

 

“P…Please…leave.”

 

Derek's voice was full of guilt. "I... I can't leave you like this." 

 

"Leave. Please."

 

And the door was closed behind her. Stiles buried her face on her pillow before crying her heart out.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment? 
> 
> Please visit me at hasesosi.tumblr.com


	7. I am a big girl, everything is fine

When she woke up, the headache made her wanting to go back to sleep. The pain was too much, it felt like her head was splitting into two.

 

For a second she wondered why her head felt like being goddamned by mjolnir, before remembering that the reason why her eyes felt so dried up, eyelashes sticking together and her headache was because she had been crying herself to sleep. She hasn’t cried this much for years, not recently, not really. The last time she felt that sad was when she realized that her mother preferred the angels over her.

 

Who left her this time?

 

Then slowly last night’s happenings returned to her mind, bit by bit. Her long-awaited dinner with dad, ruined because of work-related phone call, Scott’s transformation, weird man chasing her, Derek saved her and… Oh.

 

The feeling returned. She wanted to bury herself underneath the earth, deep enough to hide from everything. It was mortifying, devastating, painful and embarrassing. Yet again, Stiles Stilinski fell into her own empty hope. It was like a rom-com mixed with horror movie: the hero and heroine faced the bad guy, the bad guy dead, and then they fucked each other and then professed undying love to each other. Last night’s happening was solid proof of Stiles watching too much movie and being too gullible.

 

It was really nice, really enjoyable and Stiles felt like she was being pampered right until when Derek called the other name. It was understandable, really. Stiles tried to analyse it through impartial assessment, and it was natural for Derek to call the name of the girl he liked (enough until they were engaged) during his orgasm (Stiles knows the whole theoretical part of sex, she just lack in experience). Unfortunately, the fiancée died. And Derek still has needs. So that’s why he used Stiles, especially since Stiles has offered her own body (stupidly) for free. Also, Stiles has no sexual appeal whatsoever, so she should be _thankful_ Derek has the ability to get erection. Though, maybe, the full moon might have some effect on the werewolf.

 

Yet, if she was being honest with herself, it was so painful and humiliating to the fullest. She was full of Derek, thinking that Derek has proven his feelings for Stiles (he helped her, he ate her cooking, he came for her, he _saved_ her), but no, of course it won’t be that simple. He was not her boyfriend or knight in shining armor or the boys in those rom-com movies. No, he was a grown adult, a real man with past and characters that Stiles didn’t know. Stiles was making up all what she likes about Derek. No. she doesn’t know Derek at all. She made –belief of Derek, letting him to stay inside her room, playing ‘house’ with him, consciously trying to substitute Scott with Derek. Misplacing all her emotions and familiarity of Scott and imposed it on Derek’s image. She thought by offering herself fully, unlike what she couldn’t do with Scott because she was too late, she could make things right the second time, with Derek. And thus, she was the fool offering her body for his needs, so she should be fine on being used as a fuck body.

 

How gullible, _the_ _fool_.

 

She doesn’t deserve any of the nice things, she was just Stiles, the plain weird girl who refused to understand that her mother had died long time ago, the tomboy who attracted no one, the bad daughter who deserve no time from her father. The girl who daydreamed and loved her own best friend, pretending to be fine when she was not and foolish enough to be used.

 

Her chest stung. It hurts, to acknowledge the embarrassment and foolishness.

 

Her eyes are wet again. Who knows she can still cry?

 

Hiding under her blanket, she wished everything disappear. Or if she can disappear. She just wanted to be happy. She just wanted to be loved like Scott loves Allison, was that wrong? She thought it would be awesome after sex—everything would be brighter and something good will come out. Both parties would realize their love for each other and then it would be the happy end. But no, of course not. Sex solves nothing. And her body felt so dirty. It disgusted her.

 

She missed her mother. Maybe if mother was still there, she could give Stiles some advice on how to forget all the foolishness she has done, advising Stiles on how to make herself feel clean again. She missed her so much. She knows she couldn’t depend too much on her father, since he is very busy and have no time for her. No more Scott because Allison had him. And with Scott gone, Melissa gone as well. And of course she couldn’t seek comfort from Derek, since the man was the culprit number one.

 

She was truly alone in her pain now.

 

Why is she the only one kept getting hurt and disappointment?

 

Ugly, gullible, foolish Stiles.  

 

And then the door room was opened and her father entered.

* * *

 

 

Sheriff Stilinski entered his daughter room, immediately after he returned home and put his police gun in the safety box. The case turned out to be even worse, when they found a mauled body in the middle of the forrest. The forensic test hasn’t returned yet, so they didn’t know who is the identity of the man, but surely the wound was similar to those of Laura Hale’s. It was getting worse and the Sheriff was tired to the bone.

 

No, he couldn’t sleep now. He was worried and feeling utterly guilty. Stiles’ crying face was something he was not used to. Stiles cried and shouted at him for the first time in his life. Her only daughter cried because of him. Her daughter is super independent, cheerful and hyper active, so she has no time to cry and wallow like the normal teenagers. Well, until recently, which was the reason he suggested the dinner. If he knew the dinner would end up that way, he would do better.

 

He didn’t know how lonely Stiles was, how afraid that he would leave her like her mother. Her accusation broke his heart and not for the first time he felt awkward and regret. He should have been a better father.

 

So he stepped in, quite relieved when he saw the bundle on the middle of Stiles’ bed. Stiles has returned home, at least.

 

“Hey,” he tried to open some conversation, praying her daughter would return his greetings.

 

 

* * *

 

“Hey, “ her father greeted.

 

Stiles tried to stop crying. No, no, no, he shouldn’t see her in this embarrassing state. No.

 

“…I am so sorry, Stiles. I should have… how about we spend the day together, hmm? I have taken the day off, and you can skip classes for today. We can go to the park, then eat somewhere nice. I’ll even beg you to let me eat the full heart-attack burger, how about that?”

 

Stiles cried harder. No. Please, she couldn’t do it now. She couldn’t face her father now.

 

“…Daddy is really sorry, will you forgive me this time?”

 

_There was nothing to forgive, dad. Nothing._

 

“I will never leave you, Stiles. I promise.”

 

Stiles sobbed. No. not now. She couldn’t handle this.

 

She felt her father gave a tug on the blanket she was covering her pathetic self with, and curled even deeper into herself. She didn’t want to show the ugly Stiles to her father now. He deserves better daughter. She was too ashamed to show him how dirty and pathetic Stiles has been. After everything he had done for her, she couldn’t show her ugly face to her father now. Just not now. She doesn’t want to lose her father’s love.

 

But the yank was unexpected, and the blanket was pulled over. She lost her last defense, showing her ugly, crying blotchy wet face to her father.

 

The expression on her father’s face made her felt even guiltier. It made her flinched.

 

“Stiles, I’m sorry, please don’t cry like this, child…” he looked like he wanted to cry himself.

 

“Do..Dont look!” No. No. No. “Please leave.” Please don’t cry. Stiles doesn’t deserve his grieve.

 

“Stiles, I am truly sorry.”

 

“Please go, please leave.”

 

“Stiles…”

 

“Don’t look. Please leave.”

 

She yanked the blanket back and hid under it.

 

“ _Please_.”

 

Finally her father left, closing the door slowly behind him. She resumed to her sobbing, and this time it felt even worse than before. She disappoints her dad. She is a failure. No good of a daughter.

 

She misses her mom so much.

* * *

 

 

Ah, finally. Stiles felt her eyes stiff and her head throbbing like some stupid DJ was playing inside it. Finally she has dried up her tear ducts. And now she felt hungry. Thirsty. Sleepy. Which one comes first?

 

She may resume her moody after she got something to eat. And cleaned her body. It smelled and felt disgusting. It was funny how her mind works, but she is quite proud of it. She might wallow in her sadness sometimes (hey, she is a girl, she is entitled to hormone-induced-downtime) but she is usually a practical girl. It helped her survive the years with her father’s minimal supervision and without her mother’s guidance.

 

Bath was nice. She really didn’t realize how filthy and smelly she was. She refused to think how she got that smelly, though. She went down after bath and started to plan some meal, just to find her father sitting on the sofa, looking mournful with some bottle of whiskey in his hand.

 

“Father.”

 

Her father turned. He looked a bit red. Probably drunk.

 

“Stiles? You… feeling better?”

 

“Better than you, I guess.” Stiles shrugged. She was reminded how she shouldn’t and couldn’t afford to be down in front of her father. He would turn into the alcohol straight away, and Melissa wouldn’t be there to help them this time. Not with her having new favourite daughter in law, Allison. It would be just her and her father.

 

“Stiles, I am really sorry. Really…”

 

“I know that, I know. I am sorry too. I blew it out of proportion.” Stiles smiled, forcing herself to look okay. She felt better after the shower anyway. “How about you lay down the drink for a sec, and I’ll cook some meals for us?”

 

“Let…Let’s go out. I’ll pay.” He hiccupped.

 

“No. you cant drive being inebriated like this.” And she didn’t want to enter her jeep now. Not now, probably next time. “You are the Sherriff, people will talk if you drunk driving. Let’s just order out, or let me see whats inside the fridge. Probably there are some leftover.”

 

She found the remaining of food from yesterday dinner and started to reheat all of them (probably throwing the pasta was a big mistake after all). Her father sat on the dining chair, fortunately with empty hands. He had put back the bottle into the cabinet. Probably not that drunk, then.

 

“How much did you drink, father?”

 

“N..Not much.”

 

“You sure?”

 

Her father nodded cautiously. Stiles shrugged. She felt guilty she has made him felt like running back to the alcohol, so she should close her eyes on this one. Just this time.

 

They ate in chatter, slowly getting better. Stiles talked about their normal stuff until it ran out, her father kept apologizing until she threatened him bodily harm if he don’t stop apologizing (she doesn’t feel like she deserved the apologies anyway) and then they started to talk about the case.

 

“We found a new body in the forest. John Doe, in his thirties with wounds just like the previous Laura Hale. Probably this has something to do with the burning case of Hale House in previous years.”

 

Stiles froze for a second. Yes, they—Derek killed a man. His uncle. Must be a Hale as well then. Calm down Stiles, you are safe. You are safe now. So she changed the topic instead. It is quite interesting anyway.

 

“Burning house? Hale’s? Who are they?”

 

Her father shrugged. “Some eccentric family who used to live near the forest. Their house burnt down when you were small, so probably you wont remember them. We don’t have much dealings with them. They are eccentrics but rich, and they don’t deal with normal villagers like us.” He grinned.

 

“Normal villagers, my arse.”

 

“Mouth, Stiles. No cursing, young lady.”

 

“I am a cop’s daughter, dad.  I am entitled to swearing and cigarettes.”   

 

“You cheeky girl.” Her father leaned forward to rub her hair. She flinched before quickly laughed, pretending to enjoy the hair rub. The feeling of insecure was there, being reached by an older man. But she can handle it perfectly like she handled everything else.

 

It was nothing anyway. Nothing. She was fine.

 

She is always fine.

 

* * *

 

 

She didn’t want to go to school. She wasn’t ready to face anybody yet. But to pretend to be okay, she needs to do her usual stuff, which means she needs to go to school. And she has skipped the previous day, busy wallowing in self-pity (now she looked back, it was a bit of funny. She was just pitying herself. Get over yourself, Stiles. Nobody cares for your angst).

 

It was just… just her first time, so it was fine. If the first time was that bad, nothing can shock her for the future.

 

Yeah, nothing can shock her in the future.

 

Danny sat beside her in biology, making her earn the stink eye from Jackson. Stiles was not well enough to care for those stink eyes, though, so she pretended she has the donkey’s glasses and read her textbook in great interest (about the anatomy of a frog. Great, they have three chambered hearts. How can a frog be more awesome? Of course, by having poisonous sweat on their slimy skin. Yeah, awesome).

 

She was not really grateful of the seating turned group work though, because by the end of the class she was assigned with Danny again for the next presentation on frog’s anatomy. Truthfully? She doesn’t want to get near to any guy at the moment. Stiles needs to find her own centre before she could stay beside a guy who built like Derek for longer than 3 minutes now. No, it is not a trauma… just cautious. Cautious is good.  

 

And then she realized how much percentage that male gender made up of her friends. So far, Scott and Danny. Both are 100% male. Great. She probably needs to find new friends. Preferably females.

That was why she ignored Scott’s questions about how was she feeling, no that she felt guilty about it at all.

_“You didn’t come yesterday after the attack! I woke up in the forest without you around and I can smell your residence—fear around the areas! I am worried, Stiles!”_

_“Why didn’t you check on me yesterday, then? I was sleeping, but my dad was at home the whole day, he would open the door for you.”_

_Scott blushed a bit. “I was… a bit preoccupied.”_

_“With what? Allison?”_

_Scott didn’t answer, but the truth was too easy to see on his face._

_“Screw you, Scott McCall.” Stiles pushed him away and left the big boy to fend for himself. Or probably returned to his beloved Allison._

_“You are becoming so mean, Stiles!” Scott called back, and Stiles pretended she didn’t hear._

She is not a heartless bitch, no. she just… she just needed a friend. At the moment she has too many problems to bear, so she couldn’t let people take advantage of her anymore. She wanted a female friend, someone who actually understands what it felt like to be a girl, weird and different in high school.

 

Then she saw Erica Reyes.

 

 

* * *

 

Trying to chat the sickly girl up wasn’t easy, because she was so guarded. But she let Stiles ate her sandwich beside her, so Stiles counted it as a win. It was not a real reason why she should have befriended Erica. Stiles remembered that Erica was one of the shy ‘wallpaper’ classmate. She used to befriend her, but they never became close friends, just like what Scott and Stiles used to have.

 

She returned home, just to find Derek standing in front of her home.

 

Karma. Just Karma. She was trying to use Erica as a shield from her problem, and fate punished her by made her confront her problem face to face. She froze and cursed herself. She walked to the bus stop and used the bus to go to school that day because she couldn’t stomach facing her jeep and sat on the seat where she felt humiliated and lost her virginity for free (if she had known, she would have sold her v card to the highest bidder. At least that way she has some compensation). She needs time before she could get around washing those dirty seats. And now she couldn’t hide from Derek.

 

Derek looked wretched too.

 

 _Nope_ , not her problem. She is not feeling guilty at all.

 

“Stiles…”

 

“Hey.” Stiles shrugged and gave a bland smile. “I… I can’t pass through, can you move?”

 

“How… are you feeling better?”

 

“Yes.” _No thanks to you, though_ ; a part of Stiles whispered pettily inside her.

 

“I am sorry.”

 

“What’s done is done. Don’t mind it. I offered anyway.” Stiles shrugged. “Next time, just make sure you call the right name, Derek. But honestly? I don’t think I can house you in my room anymore. If you respect me as a human being with feelings, please refrain from seeing me again, probably for the next month or so. Just until I can get over you.”

 

Derek stiffened. “Actually… I am here because I need you.”

 

Stiles wanted to laugh. How dare him!

 

“Don’t get it the wrong way.” Derek shook his head. “I know this is inappropriate given everything that had happened, but I need your help regarding Scott McCall.”

 

“What about Scott?” She asked suspiciously.

 

“He was bitten by my uncle and has turned into a beta. Now, I am unsure how much you known about Werewolf, but a beta without a pack will go crazy and out of control. He might end up attacking people around him due to mental instability. Since I killed my uncle, I have become the Alpha. And he is my pack.”

 

“…So?” Stiles wondered what the man wants, and staretd to feel annoyed as she needs to stand right in front of her door step, waiting for the man to finish talking and it was more words than the whole weeks he lived with Stiles combined. So it must be very important.

 

And Stiles was never that important anyway.

 

“He depends on you. He’ll listen to you. Get him to meet me at the Hale’s house ruin near the forest.”

 

“I am not your mailman.”

 

“Stiles…” He growled. Stiles pushed him away, but he wouldn’t budge. Stiles growled back.

 

“Have you ever heard the sayings: never bite the hand that feeds you? Have you not humiliate me enough? Move!”

 

Derek looked like he was halfway between guilty and ready to kill Stiles. But Stiles was afraid no more. She was angry and hurt. Also, a small part of her smirking inside, wishing he would really kill her and end her miseries.

 

“I said, _move_!”

 

Derek finally stepped aside, letting Stiles passed through him. She locked the door behind her and went to the kitchen, calming herself down by chugging half a liter of coke (the drink, not the drugs. Stiles knows better than to touch drugs—though not for the lack of trying. Nobody will sell drugs to the Sherriff’s daughter). But Scott’s condition made her think. Derek is an adult werewolf, and most probably has been a werewolf all his life. He must know better about werewolf compared to anybody else Stiles knows, and Scott needs the help. The idiot is too ignorant of his own situation and only cared about Allison this and that. So Stiles needs to take care of him.

 

Growling, she wished she is not this soft.

 

She entered her room and closed her eyes. Yes, there is no use of wallowing in her stupid angst. Stiles has established her reputation as an easy, foolish fuck; soft hearted useable idiot. Now she just needs to distract herself with something else, probably something that made her feel smart. Proves her smart as well. So… research. She can research about werewolf and help Scott. And who knows she might be able to hurt Derek too.

 

Oh, the thinking pattern of an avenger. She likes it.

 

Stiles opened her laptop, smirking. _Hello, old friend._

 

 

* * *

 

She couldn’t sleep last night, mind too active to rest. The information she got from the internet was mind blowing—the nature of werewolf, the fables, the legends, the curse, the how-to’s, and the silver. Argent. She came to school feeling tired and wanting to skip. However her father is watching her closely, ensuring she has returned to normal. So she couldn’t skip.

 

It was good though. She wasn’t feeling that bad anymore. In fact, she felt she is on a mission.

 

She opened her book, yawning loudly and caused people around her to turn and scowled at her too-big of a yawn. She ignored them, pressing the impulse to stick out her tongue at them. It was when she noticed the guy two seats on her right, one row in front of hers.

 

His name is Lahey, Isaac Lahey. A quiet kid, average at best, very silent like a ghost. But rumors told her that he has broken home and an abusive father. She never believes in gossips, but then she caught glimpses of black and blue marks on the back of his neck. The kid looks like he was trying to focus, but he keeps rubbing the back of his head. Stiles blinked, before something hit her head.

 

“Pay attention to the class, please Miss Stilinski. Or am I that boring for you?”

 

Stiles whispered apology before looking down on her empty notes.

 

But her curiosity has been picked. Maybe it was the need to make new friend, or the need to distract herself from herself at the moment. So she walked and took the seat beside Isaac in recess time, smiling widely.

 

“Hi. I am Stiles.”

 

Isaac looked at her suspiciously and feigning a smile. The smile didn’t work well, though. He turned around and took his bag, battered and old, to run away. But Stiles hold his wrist.

 

Dear God, he is so thin. And she noticed the flinch when her skin touched his.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

The boy nodded quickly and took his wrist, but Stiles refused to let it go.

 

“You look—are in pain. Let’s go to the infirmary.”

 

“Not your business.” Isaac snarled softly, and then shoved her hand away. “Leave me alone, Stilinski.”

 

“It’s Stiles.” Stiles tried to call him back, but she was ignored. Then she turned to find Scott and Danny beside her.

 

“What are you up to?” Scott asked her suspiciously.

 

“Nope, nothing important.” Stiles shrugged. Scott didn’t look like he was satisfied; it appeared that he is still holding a grudge because Stiles has been ‘ignoring’ him. Danny snorted when he heard Scott said that and rolled his eyes. Stiles laughed and then with Danny’s help, calmed Scott down while they walked to the Lacrosse field.

 

But Danny stayed back for a moment with Stiles as Scott left them to the changing room.

 

“I am worried.”

 

“Hmm? About Isaac? Yeah, me too. He was rubbing his neck and he was clearly in pain. His eyes couldn’t focus… do you think he got a trauma? Is it true about his father…?”

 

Danny looked at her in disbelief. “No, Stiles. Well, I know something is wrong with Isaac too, but I am more worried about you.”

 

“Me?” Stiles raised her uneven (well, she never got the chance or the womanly guidance to pluck. For her, as long as she still go them, she is fine) eyebrows.

 

Danny smiled softly. “I am here if you need to talk, Stiles.”

 

“Wha…What makes you think I am in trouble?”

 

“I know that look. Everything not good with the boyfriend?” Danny smiled. “You have Jason’s look when he is fighting with Lydia.”

 

Stiles paled. “Oh. Nothing. We were not coup… Well, we broke up, and that’s it.”

 

Danny grimaced. “I am so sorry, Stiles.”

 

“Hmm? Why? It’s not your fault. I am the idiot to fall for him.” Stiles shrugged.

 

Danny sighed. “If you need to talk, I am here. I know Scott is not good in this kind of stuff.”

 

Stiles smiled. “Thanks, Danny. What would I do without you?”

 

Danny smiled, but the smiled quickly faltered. Stiles turned to find Derek watching them closely, and he looked rather pissed. She wondered what the fuck he was doing there.

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

 

Danny was the one speaking after, “Calm down, buddy. I do nothing to your girl.”

 

Stiles growled. “He is not my… my anything.”

 

“It doesn’t look like it.” Danny shrugged.

 

Derek didn’t contribute to the conversation at all, though. Danny then quickly excused himself and went to the changing room. Derek, meanwhile, walked toward Stiles. Stiles found herself stepped back.

 

“What do you want?”

 

The look in his eyes made her skin crawled with so many things she couldn’t explain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is showing the symptoms of denial and running away. What happened to her might also considered rape, but I am unsure about this. Your feedback regarding this is most welcome. Also, unfortunately, my future plot depends on Stiles getting pregnant, so if you think you cant stomach it, please feel free to walk away. otherwise, welcome to the some angst and reality of teen pregnancy. 
> 
> My plot does not include fluffy stuff like father to be being enslaved by mother to be. Nothing is that simple, and none of the reality around me suggest that pregnancy is fluffy. No, it is all imagination and it has gone out of hand. I cant write too fluffy, so please bear with my take of this plot. But I love the tag Stiles as a packmom, so it may go down into that. 
> 
> Hope this is alright with you, and thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am lazy. Please forgive me.

 

“Alright, alright.” Stiles sighed. “So you don’t have any access to internet and laptop. Have you ever heard of internet café? I know Beacon Hills is small, but we still have one seven eleven, and they do have internet café… I think, I never really know, but well, if you just pretending to not have internet to get to me, I mean, that’s just lame…”

 

“Stiles, shut up.”

 

“Alright.” Stiles shrugged. “Zipped up.” She then quickly typed in the keywords and wondered what happened to the awkwardness for the past few days. Have it been forgotten? Derek looked like he is already comfortable again longing in Stiles’ room, despite the humiliating thing they had previously. Probably it was not so important to Derek, anyway. Well. Stiles can do this. She can be friendly. She is friendly. But this time, she won’t gave her heart away. Not that easily. She has repeatedly lost herself to love, like Scott and Derek. She is not masochist. She can learn. And she is learning.

 

But her train of thoughts stopped when she saw the first headline news on Beacon Hills search. She clicked it and froze as she read the articles word per word.

 

The man Derek killed that night was called Peter Hale, and although he was diagnosed as dead a day ago, his body disappeared from the Sherriff office and haven’t been found ever since.

 

She felt Derek’s stiffened behind her.

 

“This is bad.” Stiles whispered. “What the hell is happening? Is he a zombie? Is werewolf immortal? Do you know anything about this? What does he want? Is he around?”

 

“..I don’t know, Stiles. But we, werewolves, are not immortal. We have enhanced physical endurance and speedy recovery, but we will die just like normal humans.”

 

Huh. Interesting. So being a werewolf doesn’t give you immunity to death, but does give you some benefits. Except the thingy with changing when full moon and shit. Alright then. Nothing can be done if she just keeps firing questions. She needs to think of a short term solution now.

 

“Just to make sure, is he dangerous?”

 

Derek nodded.

 

Stiles bit her lower lips and started to play with her laptop. She must do something. “Then you need to catch him. I can help you find some trace of him, but in the meantime you can think of how to capture him. By the way, I think you may want to get Scott… well, now I think about it, you are right. Scott needs to be trained. I have seen how much you and your uncle differ from him. He is so ungraceful it hurts. He knows second to nothing about being werewolf. I am afraid he will lose it when the next full moon comes. And did you say something about pack?”

 

“…Yeah, we live in packs. Pack makes us stronger. My family used to be the Hale Pack, but now I am the only one left.”

 

“I am sorry.” Stiles whispered. Even though she wanted to be a bitch to Derek, but his family deserves her condolences. Then her mind processed something that was quite important. “Derek, Do you.. Have you ever think of making a new pack? Since Pack makes you stronger.”

 

Derek stared at her, and she looked away. She couldn’t look at him anymore. She doesn’t want to see his eyes anymore. To see it and be reminded that they weren’t looking at her exactly (Kate’s name was chanting inside her head) pained Stiles. Stiles knew it was the residue of stupid crush she had on Derek. So she wouldn’t look at Derek until she recovered and forgotten her stupid puppy love.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Stiles smiled and shrugged, keeping her eyes away from Derek.

 

* * *

 

It was the start of everything. Stiles introduced Derek to Scott (Not the best thing Stiles ever planned—the two looked like they were killing each other in their minds, but stayed quiet for Stiles’ sake). Scott agreed to learn from Derek and become a part of ‘whatever-pack-is’ as long as Stiles is there with him. Stiles agreed for Scott’s sake, and they started to ‘train’. Stiles secretly thought that ‘training’ was just a glorified title for ‘childish fighting’ between Derek and Scott.

 

Next, she evaluated most of the people in Beacon Hills. She needed to find more people who is good enough to be pack. Derek hovering behind her everytime she did her research didn’t help much, but since she couldn’t allow him to crash on her room like last time, Derek decided to return to his old home and built it back. The first time Stiles came and visit (and brought Derek some of her homemade dinner), the house was not a house, but ruins of things. She almost felt sorry and invited him to return with her, but Derek said no before she even asked. It stung a bit, and so she never asked anymore.

 

Instead she came with dinner and food once every two-three days and found the house steadily got better. It seemed Derek really put effort in making the house livable again. On days when she doesn’t deliver food, due to school time and her father’s shift, Derek would climb into her window and stayed behind her for hours while she researched and chattering to herself. Thus, they always meet every afternoon, and soon it became a comfortable routine for Stiles.

 

Stiles suggested Isaac Lahey as the next pack member, especially since the boy came to school every morning with bigger bruises on his face and arms. She pleads the case with Derek, who was rather reluctant to change another teenager into his pack. But he listened to Stiles and went to talk to Isaac. The talk didn’t go too well, since Derek was forced to change Isaac on the spot to defend himself from his abusive dad. Isaac’s father died that night, and then Derek almost found himself as a fugitive. But Isaac came forwards and testified against the capture order, stating that his father died from his own carelessness when he was beating Isaac. The case was closed, but Derek found himself under the watchful eyes of Stiles’ father.

 

Meanwhile, since Isaac has nowhere else to go, he decided to follow Derek. Thus, Stiles found himself moving her kitchen from her house to Derek’s newly built kitchen. It was alright but new, so Stiles enjoyed it for all its worth. She put all her spices and utensils in spaces and made it her kingdom. The first time Isaac ate his dinner together with Derek and Stiles, the boy started to cry and immediately Stiles took him under her wing. Derek allowed them to stay over that night, and they slept on the king sized bed in Derek’s room which pretty big for all three of them crammed together with Isaac in the middle.

 

Isaac initially didn’t want to return to school, but Stiles dragged him and ensured him everything would be fine. Scott was surprised with the development, until Stiles explained everything. In the end, Scott took Isaac under his wing as well, and they bonded over the lacrosse practice targeting Jackson. 

 

Stiles divided her time between Hale house and her own, making sure her father didn’t worried or suspected her activities. She tried her best to make him comfortable, and in one month, the Sherriff only drunk once because he felt Stiles was running away from him. She managed to get him sharing information regarding Peter Hale and Laura Hale’s cases. That aside, she also made sure he didn’t go near the dangerous area where Derek suspected where Peter might be hiding. She wanted her father in the dark, not dead.

 

Then Isaac came to both Derek and Stiles to suggest Erica Hayes as the next pack member when they were training (i.e. Derek ordering Scott and Isaac to run around the house for a hundred times before throwing them to the trees). He argued (adorably) about how Erica is sickly and needed help and seemed to be smart and nice and everything. Stiles raised her eyebrows and looked at Derek, who looked back and shrugged. It felt very comfortable, as if they are the parents and Isaac is their baby asking for a friend for a sleepover. Stiles wished it was that easy. In reality, Derek doesn’t care much about her aside from her current role as the researcher and the cook.

 

Fortunately Stiles caught herself before she ventured into the angst black hole (she is not going to think about it, she is not going to complain, just forget about everything and she is a strong girl), and quickly left the ground back to the kitchen for snack. Derek followed her into the house (while ordering the betas to keep running) and watched Stiles from behind as she prepared their afternoon snack (werewolf have the digestive system like a black hole). Stiles found it ridiculous, understanding what Derek wanted from her (to make the decision) without Derek even saying it out loud, and then urged Derek to make his own decision. Derek stated that Stiles should probably research and gave him some sort of recommendation before he could consider Erica Hayes. When Stiles agreed, the two betas entered the room and looked sheepishly at Stiles, asking for food; ending the ‘discussion’ (if it can be called as such) between Derek and Stiles.

 

After Erica was bitten and turned to another part of their pack, Stiles felt she has overlooked one thing in the whole pack relationship. Derek is the alpha, and the rest are the betas. They are all werewolf, and that’s why they are pack. On the other hand, Stiles was nothing but the nanny who cooks and does their laundry sometimes and cleaned up sometimes and do the research for the Alpha. She was like the pack secretary slash nanny or something. When Erica entered the pack, Stiles started to feel that she wasn’t needed that much—especially since a turned Erica was not the old Erica.

 

Old Erica was sickly, quiet wallpaper girl. New Erica is a cocky, beautiful and confident lady. She saw Stiles as threat and started to challenge her in everything. It made everything harder, and Stiles found she didn’t like it much. Especially when Erica started to obviously seduce Derek in front of everyone, especially when Stiles was in the room. It hurts Stiles quite a bit. It reminds her that probably she was not over Derek. Probably she wanted to be Erica. Probably she envied Erica’s bluntness and confidence to stand beside Derek. They do look like supermodels, even without the make up. They looked good together. Erica was the embodiment of everything Derek deserved to have, and Stiles was nothing like it. Not even a bit. And to think that Stiles used to hope she would be enough for Derek. To foolishly allow her imagination distorting the reality. To allow herself that mock confidence that she was the ‘mother’ and Derek was ‘the father’. It was embarrassing and painful. Every time Stiles saw Erica trying to get closer to Derek, she walked away from the room. She preferred not to see it, lest attempt to argue. She doesn’t want to fight, since she had never won anything (Stiles vs the angels for _her_ _mother_ , her vs Allison for _Scott_ , her vs Kate for _Derek_ ). She has no right. Derek was never hers to begin with.

 

She is just the idiot.   

 

It was then the symptoms started. Stiles found herself more often than not, on the toilet bowl vomiting her meals out, usually when she woke up in the morning and half an hour after meals. Because of that, she called Scott to tell him she wont be going for afternoon for a bit until her sickness gone. She also advised them to get takeaways for dinners and under no circumstances they are allowed to come and see her (it’s probably contagious). They still see her in the school anyway, since she won’t skip school because of occasional vomit bug who comes in the morning and afternoon only (never school hours). She thought it was a bug, but it persists for the next three days, until she vomited in between classes. She took some medicine, which made her dizzy but not really helpful. Scott was outside the bathroom waiting for her on the fifth day, looking all concerned.

 

“You haven’t come to the Hale House for days. Are you alright? I thought it was just flu bug, but you really don’t look good, Stiles.”

 

Stiles shrugged and told him she is fine, just the vomiting. Scott then tried to walk her back to class in gentle manner, until he commented that Stiles smelled a bit different, and is Derek around because he could smell the Alpha. Stiles shook her head and told him probably he was just thinking too much. She just vomited, so it must be the vomit’s smell and probably Derek does smell like vomit. It made both of them laugh.

 

It cheered Stiles up, and made her realized probably she was rather obvious to other. If even Scott could sense that something is wrong with her, she was fooling nobody. So she gathered her cheerful side and covered the troublesome emotions she was wallowing herself in. She found it a bit weird when Danny smiled and rubbed her hair after he saw her back, which made Stiles’ chest a bit warm. Then she followed Scott to her jeep and drove to Hale House.

 

The weirdness continues, because the second she opened the jeep’s door, she found Derek standing straight in front of her. She blinked twice. Derek looked different.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I am … better?” Stiles smiled. “Did you worry about me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Oh.” Stiles was surprised and didn’t know what to say. “…Then… thank you.”

 

“What?”

 

“Thank you for worrying about me. You don’t need to, though. I will be fine soon.”

 

Derek didn’t answer, so Stiles left him and went to check her kitchen. She was _shocked_.

 

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY KITCHEN????”

 

Everything was a mess. The pans were everywhere, remains of food stuck in most places, and a bit of burn mark marred the wall beside the electric stove. The microwave was kind of broken, with the door hinged to one side. The floor was dirty and wet. The sink was full of takeaway cartoons and used plates.

 

She shouted to call all the werewolves, which to her surprise, has increased by one Vernon Boyd. They came immediately after she called them, and most of them (excluding Boyd and Erica) looked sheepish like children who know they have been caught stealing from the cookie jar. Stiles interrogated them one by one; shushing all of them when one tried to answer, and then pointedly ignored Derek’s abysmal effort to explain. She ended up ordering them to clean up the kitchen or else there would be no dinner.

 

It might be just her imagination that the packs (even Erica) looked happy when they were agreeing to their appointed tasks.

 

Dinner was a fun affair, with Isaac occasionally turned to Stiles for approval and tried to be closer to Stiles. Stiles indulged the boy and let him have her dessert. Derek looked like he wanted to express his disapproval before Stiles shot him with her don’t-you-dare look. Scott grinned and mentioned that probably he should bring Allison to dinner as well, if possible, which earned him raised eyebrows looks from both Derek and Stiles.    

 

Surprisingly Erica didn’t even try to get closer to Derek anymore. Instead, she stayed with Boyd all the time, sweeping the floor around the dining table. The matured boy looked like he handled Erica perfectly well, which earned a star in Stiles’ book. She turned to Derek to ask, but Derek shook his head before Stiles even opened her mouth. Stiles nodded a bit and then continue to supervise Scott and Isaac’s washing dishes duty.

 

It was then she started to feel the nausea coming, so she excused herself and ran to the bathroom to puke. She pretty much vomited half of her meal, which was pretty good—considering she has been vomiting most of her meals these days. She was going to stand up and washed her mouth when a pair of strong arms pulled her up. She found herself being pulled into familiar embrace.

 

_Be still, my dear heart._

 

She knew this feeling, the heat, the safe and the strength. Derek was hugging her.

 

 _Why_?

 

He took her to the washbasin and let her washed her mouth. Feeling a bit insecure, she brushed her teeth as well. When it was done, Derek hauled her off her feet and brought her to bed. She protested because she wanted to go home, but he wouldn’t say no and kept her under the blanket. She was out cold in a minute and only woken up a bit when she felt Isaac and Derek crawled into bed, each on one side.

 

Hmmm she liked this sleeping arrangement. It is warm.

 

….after another 1.5 hours, she retracted her statement. No, sleeping with werewolves furnace is just death by too much heat.

 

So she kicked Derek off the bed.


	9. Chapter 9

 

Stiles sighed as she flipped the pancakes. Behind her sat a pouting werewolf alpha, who was pretty unhappy being kicked out of his bed last night. She woke up to the putting werewolf on the floor, refusing to look at her. The way Derek sulked was pretty adorable. So she apologized, and then offered special breakfast for peace offering. Derek nodded slightly for the offer, so that’s why she was there. Stiles added the bacon slices onto the other pans, letting it sizzles. When it was done, she put the pancakes and bacons on the plate and slowly putting it in front of Derek.

 

“Stop pouting. Look, I made you some pancakes and bacons, like I promised. I am sorry, alright?”

 

Derek’s lips twitched, but he still maintained the “pouting air” around him. Stiles sighed exaggeratedly, showing that she was playing along with the sulking werewolf. She wasn’t sure why she was playing along with this game. She shouldn’t care what he thought about. She was his chef plus assistant anyway, nothing else. Why is she playing along with this pouting game?

 

But it felt good to tease him. Comfortable. To pretend it was more than just the Assistant Stiles Derek needed. To pretend Derek likes her, probably a bit. Oh shit, thinking about that _hurts_. So she distracted herself by sweetly asking Derek.

 

“What do you want me to do, you big Alpha baby?”

 

“Morning.” Another voice answered, and Stiles looked up to see Isaac smiling sheepishly while entering the kitchen. He walked to Stiles and kissed her cheek. It was cute, and Stiles felt a bit like a mother. Stiles smiled back.

 

“Morning.”

 

Isaac suddenly guffawed, “Oh. Look, Derek’s _blushing_.”

 

“What?” Stiles turned to see Derek’s face reddening. She couldn’t believe her eyes. What? How? Why?

 

“Wow. This calls for celebration.” Stiles laughed. “Sit down, Isaac. I’ll make you some pancakes.”

 

“Thank you.” Isaac smiled warmly and took the milk from the fridge. Stiles returned to flipping pancakes and wondering whether she should try working in McDonalds because she is so good flipping pancakes. She can work all breakfast shift.

 

After she served the pancakes on Isaac’s plate, she sat beside him and asked Derek, “So… What’s the deal with Boyd? I wasn’t told.”

 

“Oh, Erica pleaded Derek to turn him. Apparently Boyd has bad reasons like I do. And she approved him.” Isaac answered obediently, while Derek pretended to stare at his pancake.

 

“So… it’s word of mouth, eh? Recommendation?” Stiles joked. “The pack is growing quite fast now. It was only Scott last month.”

 

“Actually Erica did it. She talked and told some people that needed this… this new state. But Derek chose Boyd. You weren’t there, Stiles. You were sick… are you done eating?”

 

Stiles stood up. “No, not hungry this morning. I don’t want to keep puking. I’mma use the bathroom and I’ll drive to school, alright?”

 

“You sure?” Isaac looked worried and Stiles kissed his forehead.

 

“I am perfectly fine, Isaac. Just enjoy the pancake and wash the dishes after, yeah?”

 

She left them to the bathroom, wondering why she felt a bit angry. Well, she was sick so she wasn’t there, but within the three days she was sick, Derek has already made some decisions without her. Boyd is already pack, and a werewolf. Derek bit him.

 

It was a bit insulting to Stiles why Derek hasn’t over her the bite as yet.

 

And the decision to not eat breakfast came back to bite her in the arse. She vomited on empty stomach once she reached the bathroom. It felt disgusting and nauseated. She felt funny for feeling nauseated after looking at her own saliva vomit. Alright, the stomach bug is getting worse. Stiles decided to visit the GP after school for sure.

 

Derek was in front of the bathroom door when she opened it, startling Stiles. She almost bit her tongue in surprise.

 

“Derek! Can’t you give me a warning or something? It’s weird to surprise people in front of the bathroom! There is another bathroom upstairs, cant you use that one?”

 

His hand touched her cheek. Stiles’ eyes widened.

 

“Feeling better?”

 

It was weird. The touch made Stiles half embarrassed, half flushed, half scared. It took everything she got before she could smile awkwardly and looked away. The touch was burning her skin.

 

_Derek kissing her, Derek’s lips on her nipples, Derek playing with her body._

 

_She was raped for her first time. By the person she likes._

 

It woke Stiles up. She moved her face away, and then took a step back. _Avoid Derek at all cost_. “Ye..yeah. I am fine. I’ll get ready for school. You can use the bathroom.”

 

“Stiles…”

 

Stiles swallowed hard and faked a smile. “What?”

 

Derek looked like he wanted to touch her again, to reach her, but his hand was frozen in the air. Stiles quickly walked away, refusing to look back. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Not good. She is not good.

 

Not good at all.

* * *

 

Yup. She was not good. The day started weirdly with pouting werewolf and pancakes, then continued by Jackson Whittermore standing in front of her locker and asked her to speak privately. She was hurried by him to nearby empty spot before she could even answer, and she caught a glimpse of angry Lydia face watching them leaving the locker area.

 

“Right, so. I was told that I need to ask you. You can say yes now.”

 

“What.” Stiles shook her head. “Do. You. Mean?”

 

“You are their leader, right? Like the pack mom or something. Plead my case to that Hale, will you?”

 

“Wait. What case? To who? Hale?”

 

“Yeah, your husband or boyfriend or something? He is the one who has the power to turn me into werewolf thingy, right?”

 

Stiles couldn’t close her jaw. What the fuck was happened. Who was her husband? What? She is definitely single. With capital S. Then she remembered about Isaac telling her about Erica ‘speaking’ to ‘some people’. Wow, what a big mouth. Now the whole school would know.

 

“Look, I know I am not close, but I need… I need that. And compare to some other candidates I am way better, trust me.”

 

“What candidates?”

 

Jackson shrugged. “Well, Hayes told me about several. And she told me to plead my case to you since you are in charge of recruitment. But you don’t even look like you know what this is all about.”

 

“Ye…Yeah. I am not sure what this is all about, nonsense.” Stiles laughed hollowly. “Sorry, cant help you with this, Jackson.”

 

The boy looked hurt and angry. “You took Danny from me, and you still don’t want to help me? How selfish are you, Stilinski?”

 

“Well. I can say at least I am less selfish than _you_.” Stiles spat back. She couldn’t accept being called selfish. She tried her best to not be one, and so she wouldn’t let selfish people like Jackson W to call her selfish, that selfish bastard.

 

“What are you insinuating?” Jackson turned red.

 

Stiles growled. “Nothing, _jackass_.”

 

“Don’t you think I won’t hit you, even though you are a girl and pre..”

 

“Wow, wow. People, calm down.” Danny suddenly spoke out, surprising both Stiles and Jackson. The matured boy came forward and pulled Jackson away from Stiles. Stiles wondered when did he come and did he hear any of the conversation. “Calm down buddy. What is happening?”

 

Jackson looked like he wanted to tell tale but then decided against it the next moment, and walked away. Danny smiled apologetically to Stiles. “Sorry. He is emotional like that. Anyway, see you in class?”

 

Stiles nodded and Danny left to chase Jackson.

 

Huh. That was weird.

 

* * *

 

 

Stiles kept thinking while ignoring the stinky eyes from Jackson throughout the History lesson. What rhymes with Pre…? Preschool, President, Prepare, Pressure? Nothing made sense. Jackson said he would hit her even though she is ‘ a girl and a pre…”. So Pre what? She is a girl, alright. And she is a pre…. What, pre-university? Prestigious? That sounds more like compliment.

 

“Please pay attention, Ms. Stilinski.”

 

Stiles blinked and paid attention. Probably she should just let it go for now. She needed to focus on the lesson, and after school medical check-up.

 

The medical check-up ended up being postponed for the next two weeks, because a lot of things happened and going to clinic for check-up when Stiles could still run on her own two feet was not as important. Things started to go awry after school, when suddenly Scott called her in the middle of the road, stating Isaac’s sudden fall while doing lacrosse and was in great pain. Stiles turned back to school to find Isaac being fine, his super-healing werewolf ability saved his shattered kneecap. But the boy was not mentally alright, he was reduced to simpering mess because of the memories being beaten by his dead father. Stiles hates that man so much and hopes the man rot in hell.

 

So she put Isaac and Scott into her jeep, and somehow Erica and Boyd decided to tag along too. They ended up all going to the Hale House, just to admire Derek’s day effort of reinforcing and re-carpeting the house. Stiles decided she will cook something good to cheer everyone up, and surprisingly Boyd was the one who offered to help her. She ended up getting closer to Boyd while together they cook three pans of five layers cheese and beef lasagna and a huge black forest cake (Stiles wanted to make red velvet but they don’t have the red dye).

 

Dinner was peaceful, and slowly Isaac returned to normal. He stayed close to Stiles and Derek though, which made it a bit awkward for stiles since she was trying to avoid Derek. Yet looking at whimpering Isaac with those huge blue eyes, she couldn’t say no and ended up cuddling both werewolves on her thigh while spending the next three hours watching the Amazing Spiderman DVD with them (Scott invited Allison, and while some of the pack members didn’t agree, Scott managed to make Stiles agree and that was it. When Allison came, she was surprised to see what she found there but adapted easily enough, snuggling into Scott on the floor with blankets. Erica and Boyd sat on the sofa, close to each other and Erica used Boyd as her pedicurist). Stiles needed to go home, though, so she took Allison and Scott with her, sending both of them home before returning to her own house and put the lasagna portion of his father’s in the fridge (she made a note to let him know).

 

The next few days passed similarly. When Allison was not invited, the pack trained in the forest, jumping from one tree to another, catching each other, beating each other up. Stiles wanted to shout at Derek for it, yet Isaac ensured her it was alright and it wasn’t hurt at all. Also when Stiles turned to Derek, wanting the man to stop the fight, Derek looked very serious while watching the fight and ended up giving some pointers. When he caught Stiles watching him, he looked awkward for a second and his hands twitched, as if he wanted to do something with them. Stiles immediately turned away, wishing to live a day longer. She doesn’t want to anger the Alpha more than she does. And watching Derek making her looks desperate for attention. No. She doesn’t want his attention anymore. She was nothing but a housekeeper and pack assistant. Nothing more.

 

Usually she went straight to the kitchen and cooked dinner. Sometimes she purposely chose a menu which needs new ingredients so she has some reasons to go to the shops. It gives her time to think. Usually she went alone, sometimes Isaac would come with her. But everytime Derek volunteered to come, she would immediately told him he is needed for the training so he shouldn’t go, or she would change the menu so it wont need the shopping trip. It was rather obvious, and after the fifth time, Derek stopped offering. He pouted, though. So Stiles played along and pampered him with his love of ear scratch (Stiles found it out of luck. She was rubbing Derek’s hair when he was still hiding inside her room and found the weak spot). Sometimes she especially gave him some alcohol added dessert, which she refused to give to the others. She doesn’t drink herself though, for the bad memories of her father’s drinking habit.

 

Usually her effort appeased the sourwolf, and immediately Derek mellowed at her again. He usually showed his happiness by touching Stiles’ stomach, which made Stiles rather uncomfortable and run away. On the other hand, she also started to know each member’s favorite food (Except Scott’s. She knows that since long time ago) and started to make it whenever they deserved some rewards. The pack all agreed that Stiles’ cooking tasted good (not five stars good, but alright—Erica stated, which threatening earned her growls from Isaac. Derek sighed while Stiles defused the situation) and motherly (this was agreed by everyone around the table before asking Stiles for another cheesecake slice). Stiles pretended to shed a tear when they teased her and said she was pleased her puppies are getting older; but since when did she have so many children? Where did they all come from? Derek turned red but refused to tell why he is so flustered. Then they proceeded to tease Derek until the Alpha exploded in anger and hit them one by one (he excluded Stiles and Allison though. Making Stiles a bit hurt. She is the housekeeper. Yeah. She is an outsider).  

 

When Allison was invited, then the pack spent the day studying together, reading up and making study group. Stiles couldn’t believe how much it helped since most of them have something they are better than the others at. Stiles felt proud when she saw Scott finishing the differential problems without her help at all. And she was amazed on how good Erica with Art. Her drawings were beautiful and Stiles likes one of her drawing depicting their pack the best. Derek was standing in the middle, behind a push chair Stiles was seated, then the pack puppies either standing beside Derek (Boyd, Erica) or on the floor, laughing (Isaac, Scott and Allison—surprisingly she was included in the drawing). Stiles decided to take the picture and scanned it, then put the picture on the wall. Derek stood beside her when she was finished putting it on the wall and admiring the picture; making Stiles suddenly felt really comfortable. She put her head on his shoulder, enjoying the warm feeling. She didn’t remember to avoid Derek for the rest of the night and found her feet being massaged on Derek’s lap most of the time while they were watching the Avengers. It felt as if they had returned to the time when Stiles haven’t had a crush on Derek and it was only the two of them hiding from the world inside Stiles’ room. Derek massaged her feet wonderfully she was tempted to let him do it every night before she came back to her right mind and decided she has enough daydreaming.

 

Stiles knew she hasn’t push over the issue with Erica telling people that they are inviting people to their pack. Becoming werewolf is quite overrated, since people think it’s all about improved health, beauty and physical appearance. They forgot about the bad thing like the bloodlust and insanity if they are without pack, the turning under full moon and the crazy zombie uncle who was still cannot be found. And the more people know about it, the more danger would come. Luckily Jackson was the only one approaching her (he approached her again the next day, but giving up after that. Since then Stiles didn’t see much of Jackson. But she did a lot of Lydia Martin giving her suspicious eyes). Stiles felt she should speak to Erica instead, which she has done immediately after Jackson came to her for the second time. Erica apologized half-heartedly, but she did become more careful about it. And every time Stiles considered telling Derek, she was kind of sure he wouldn’t want her meddling in the pack’s problems. For Derek decided to bite and add Boyd into the pack without consulting her, not even a bit. He also didn’t speak much to her anyway, and she couldn’t bear to stare at his eyes for too long.

 

It was hard, being torn between wanting to touch and watch and worship the Alpha with all her heart and body for she still feel the puppy love for Derek; while on the same time feeling scared and little and not safe with the man who has used her, probably rape if she wants to be vicious, then dumped her in the worst possible way. The whole thing with Derek changed Stiles’ perspective on love and sex completely. She also knows and understands that Derek doesn’t like her that way, so any feeling Stiles has for him would be a burden. Stiles could see that Derek only have guilt for her. It was rather hurtful whenever he showed his kid-gloved treatment to Stiles compared to the rest of the pack including Allison sometimes. She felt singled-out, because she is not part of the pack. Yet, Stiles is a masochist. She still played and secretly loved (well, she thought she was being secretive but the pack members all tell her blankly on her face almost everyday) being their caretaker. Being a part of the patched pack. To have a role, people who needs her. Accepted her because she is useful for them, and wont let her be alone too long. It was soothing. She might think she was fine being alone, but being alone made her feels lonely. Being in the pack leave her no time to be lonely.   

 

Allison asked her one time, while they both were doing laundry, when she and Derek started going out. Stiles raised her eyebrows, started laughing hollowly, and explained to her that she was nothing to Derek. There was nothing between them. And Derek likes someone else. Someone beautiful. His fiancée called Kate. Stiles was there because the big Alpha needed a housekeeper. Allison looked surprised and apologized, telling Stiles the reason why she asked was because Derek acted like Stiles’ boyfriend—no, more like husband. It’s like Derek is the father and Stiles is the mother. Stiles blushed on that, and thanked Allison but ensuring the girl that Derek doesn’t like her at all. Kate was the only one Derek loves. Allison looked sad, then lightly changed the conversation, stating she has a deceased aunt named Kate as well.

 

The vomiting ceased to exist ever since, and that’s why Stiles postponed it until today. She actually didn’t want to check, since she was feeling good; but she needs to make appointment for her father for check up as well (for his cholesterol and blood pressure level) so why not? She took her jeep after informing the pack (Derek immediately wanted to come along, looking worried even though Stiles told him it was just a check-up. Scott volunteered to come along since he knows the Sherriff’s usual medical check-up lists. In the end Derek let them go, but not before pulling Scott aside and whispered to him threateningly. Stiles rolled her eyes while Erica snickered. _“Why don’t you tighten your leash around her neck, Alpha?”_ Stiles heard when she left the room).

 

She didn’t know then, but she was really, _really_ not ready when she heard what her diagnose was.   

 

* * *

 

 

She couldn’t believe her ears. “What.”

 

“Ms Stilinski, did you have unprotected sex with a man?”

 

Scott turned beet red. He turned to Stiles with his big puppy eyes, waiting for the negative answer. Because, of course Stiles is still a virgin, right?

 

“Uh. Ye…Yes?”

 

Scott paled and couldn’t close his jaw.

 

Stiles immediately understand what was happening. Jackson’s ‘pre-‘ mystery. Vomiting. And she hasn’t got period for two months. “Shit. Are you saying I am pregnant?”  

 

The doctor nodded and proceeded to explain biology. Stiles refused to listen and walked out from the room. She couldn’t do this. What. Why. Why is this happening to her? Why is her luck this bad? First time, almost rape, loveless, heart break and now she is pregnant with his baby. Perfect, _Stiles_. It felt like she has given everything and now she was forced to literally give out a piece of her.

 

Why is it never enough?

 

Stiles let Scott drove all the way to the Hale House, silence between them and when they reached the room, Stiles walked towards Derek. The man saw Stiles’ face and looked solemn as well. Stiles calmly asked, “Did you know…? Or, more appropriately, how _long_ have you _known?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: " I AM NOT KATE"


	10. I AM NOT KATE

 

“Did you know…? Or, more appropriately, how _long_ have you _known_?”

 

The room fell silent, not that Stiles cares. She just needs to know how stupid she actually is. Derek stares at her, and she stares back for the first time since the bad sex they had. Not all bad, but particularly bad by the end.

 

Stiles waited, she can wait as much as he wants to. She wants the answer, now. Everything depends on his answer. She was ready for it. She couldn’t do this anymore. It is just too straining. The weird thing was, it was anger which filled the forefront of her mind now. She didn’t know the exact reasons why she is angry, but she knows she is fucking angry and Derek is the one who would bear the fault. She is fucking done of being used. She can’t bend herself to satisfy other anymore. She wants to hurt Derek so badly now. Fuck her feelings before, she is damn very well angry and needs to fucking hurt someone. Preferably Derek. He can take it, the big scary Alpha and all.

 

“Everyone, OUT.” Derek said in finality. Stiles felt the rest leaving the room, Scott being dragged by Isaac because he refused to leave Stiles alone. Stiles ignored Scott, though. She was kind of touch he still thought of her as his ‘best friend’ but words were nothing now. Scott’s recent actions of abandoning and forgetting their friendship made it not worthy of him to think he got the right to care about Stiles. Not anymore.

 

“Stiles…” “How long?” Stiles cut before Derek could plead anything.

 

Derek scowled. “… The day after I had my knot in you. The knot always resulted in breeding for werewolf. It doesn’t happen often, but everytime it happen, we breed. You will bear my child.”

 

“Oh, so… I am going to bear your child.” Stiles mocked. “So I don’t get a say about this. I am going to keep it, to have your kid. Stiles, the easiest, dumbest girl who will do anything to please you, yes? What am I now, Derek? An incubator? Have been degraded from being Kate’s substitute to a baby factory, Derek?”

 

“That’s not what I mean.”

 

“What do you mean then?”

 

“I do… I do like you, Stiles. A lot. You are not a thing like whatever you said.”

 

Stiles laughed hollowly. She wanted to slap Derek so much. “Now you say something like that. Derek, please don’t be surprise, but I am not an idiot. You can’t manipulate me with those foolish words anymore. I have brain, you see?”

 

“Don’t twist my word.”

 

“You don’t even like me. You barely tolerate me at first, I was your shelter and now you only want me as the pack babysitter. You maybe think you get to play me around in your palm, using my feelings for you to make me do what you want. And I let you do that because I keep hoping I was truly needed as I am. And probably when this all over I ‘d still have some good memories. But pregnancies… it’s a baby, Derek. A child. It’s a responsibility I can’t bear now or ever shay away from. And guess what? Even I have limits, Derek. I can’t… I can’t have a baby with a person who don’t even like me.”

 

“I don’t… I never use you. It’s me, I mean…”

 

“Pack, you want _pack_ , right? I helped you with that. I helped you find your pack, build them. But guess what? I have feelings too. I get attached. I… I thought I was a part of this pack. But well, I was wrong once again. You don’t need me after everything is good. You accepted Boyd without me. You don’t consult me and let Erica sell the pack membership freely. You never offered me to be pack, yet you let Erica spread it as if it’s free candy. Have you ever thought how much that _insults_ me? And now you have successfully using me as a real breeder. What’s next, Derek? Am I going to be the pack’s dinner? You’ll cook me? Or maybe I need to _cook_ myself and give it for pack’s _dinner_?”

 

Derek growled. He loomed closer, making Stiles stepped back. He stopped when he saw Stiles was keeping distance, body language screaming _‘don’t touch me’_. “I… I never know you want to be pack. I never offered you because I respect your decision, Stiles. You never asked, so I never try. And don’t be ridiculous Stiles. I didn’t tell _you_ because _you_ said I need to decide things for my pack by myself. And don’t forget, you _offered_ yourself to me. You did all those things for pack by your own choice. I never asked you to take care of them. So _you_ don’t get to blame me for everything. This is the aftermath, and we need to bear this together. I really respect you, Stiles but you misunderstand everything.”

 

“Haha.” Stiles couldn’t believe her ears. “I see. I don’t understand anything. It’s my faults? Fancy you said you respect me. Everything you have done to me shows how I don’t deserve much of your respect. It’s true that I was the one inviting you to fuck me, but I … being substitute… it’s just very painful, Derek. I need time to get over that. But you just barged in, asking me for help. And I helped, because I thought we had something special. That’s why I wanted you as my first. I thought… I was… I helped you. Because… I thought, we maybe can be … I was happy, you know? When I can play alongside being the parents for the pack. Pretending you did care for me while you don’t even like me. Was I disgusting? Annoying? Bossy?” Stiles felt her voice became weaker and weaker. She was just tired of it now. “…I was _so_ _stupid_.”

 

Derek winced and he pleaded sadly. “I said I am sorry. I cant say it enough. I wasn’t in my right mind, everything happened so fast and it was under the full moon. You think I want to use you, hurt you? You were the first thing that opens my eyes after I lost Laura. You gave me the right hit on the head when you run over me with your damn jeep, and you sheltered me. You shielded me from your father even though you were in pain yourself. I got the chance to laugh again because you make me, let me feel happy again! You were so good, and I really care about you, Stiles. I made a huge mistake, it’s my fault, but this is also your fault! We never communicate enough, and I … please have the baby, Stiles. I’ll take care of you both. I _beg_ of you.”

 

“You hurt me…. And it’s my fault?” Stiles blinked and she felt weak for having tears on her cheek now. She shouldn’t cry. There is no point blaming and being angry to a person when the said person didn’t feel like they were wrong. It was just wasted emotions and energy. “Oh, look how bad we are. We can’t even communicate. How can we even bring a baby of we are like this? … You know what? I don’t even know what I am saying anymore.” Stiles laughed again, biting her own lips. Derek’s confession sounds sincere and a bit shocking. She needs time to process it. She suddenly felt tired. She was never the one for confrontation. “But nevermind. It was my fault to fall for you. I apologise for everything that’s my ‘fault’. There would be no ‘misunderstanding’ next time. Goodbye.”

 

She turned to leave, but Derek grabbed her arm and turned her harshly. “Stiles! Look, my feelings for you are real. And you are pack. You are _my_ _pack_. You are _mine_. This is not your fault. I am sorry for saying that. I am sorry.”

 

Stiles tried to get herself free, but she couldn’t. Damn werewolf super strength. “Don’t lie to me! What do you mean by _real_? You don’t even like me, you love Kate! You knotted me because you were thinking of her! Have you ever thought how dirty and worthless and _painful_ it made me when I need to… need to bear the child you _want_ _to create with Kate_ instead?”

 

“Stiles…”

 

“It is cruel of you to use my feelings against myself, Derek. I can’t even get angry fully at you because I am _angrier_ at _myself_.” Stiles stopped scowling and wiped her tears.

 

Oh. She was _most_ _angry_ at _herself_.

 

Oh yeah, now she gets it. It’s her she was angry at. It was herself.

 

“Stiles…”

 

“Ah, here we go again. Are you happy now? Now I feel like the dumbest idiot in the world. It’s always my fault, isn’t it? I despise myself now. Congratulations, you have won the argument. I am sorry for making ruckus. You’ll get the baby, don’t worry. After that I will leave you in peace.” It was never Derek. She was the one over thinking about everything. She made a big deal of everything. She should just calm down and accept it. It was her fault. Everything was. She was so stupid for ever liking Derek.

 

“No, you don’t. You don’t get to run away again now.” Derek growled and pulled her into his chest. She struggled as hard as she could. “I watched you run and run everytime you think you lost, Stiles. You never fight for it. You don’t get to just give up like this now. Not with me.”

 

“Let me go!” Stiles screamed, kicking hard. Derek winced but he kept his arms strong around her. “You’ll still get the baby, I promise! Why should I fight for you when there is nothing between us? I told you I can’t have the baby with someone I don’t like, but I do like you, or at least I used to like you. I’ll give birth to the baby and give it to you when it’s born, so just… just let me go!”

 

“No, I wont let you go.” Derek whispered as he put his face in Stiles’ hair. “I can’t … I cant let you go. I… I _like_ you.”

 

Stiles wanted to laugh. Derek sounded like he had been tortured and gave up the nation’s secret. Like, liking Stiles was one bad, bad secret. Why does he feel the need to lie about it so badly? Everything was clear now, Stiles has misunderstood everything. She got it, and she accepted it. Why does Derek feel the need to make her believe he likes her? It’s just… painful. And she has had enough for a day. So she pushed Derek away with all her strength. “Let me go, you… you… cruel _beast_.”

 

“Stiles, please. I really meant what I said.”

 

“No. No you don’t. You don’t know me. You don’t even know my name. What’s my name, Derek?”

 

“…Stiles?”

 

“See? You don’t know what my real name is. Don’t you think if you really _care,_ you should know?” Stiles smiled sadly. “Don’t push yourself to _lie_ anymore. I know you can’t lie properly. I _know_. Just… Just let me go. Let me think. Let me have my dignity back, alright? Just… Just prepare yourself to explain this to the Sherriff. I won’t be able to hide the pregnancy from him, no matter what he’s still my father and I live with him.”

 

“No. I wont let you go. You’ll stay. Don’t leave me.” Derek still wouldn’t let her go. Stiles stopped struggling at all and sighed.

 

“Accept it, Derek, I am NOT Kate.”

 

“I never want you to be her!”

 

“Then, whose baby is inside me? Yours and _mine_ or yours and _Kate_?”

 

It silenced him for a bit, making Stiles thought he would let her go. Yet Derek answered by trying to kiss Stiles a moment after. Their lips touched and it brought memories to Stiles, which was not very welcomed. Stiles wouldn’t open her mouth when his tongue  tried to come in and turned her head. “Stop it, Derek. I won’t kiss you now that I know I have misunderstood _us_.”

 

“Stiles… Look, now you misunderstand my feelings again. I admit I didn’t like you like that until the whole full moon incident, but then I grow to like you. I really care about you, and I do like you now. I am not good with words. Why are you making this so hard?”

 

“I am not making this hard. I am just making this clear.” Stiles shook her head. “I really don’t want to argue now. I am tired. I came asking you whether you know about the baby, and what do you want with it. You have answered it clearly that you knew and want the baby to be born off me. I am clear of that, so please let me go now. I promise I won’t make problems for you.”

 

“I won’t let you go thinking I use you like that. I like you and really care of you. I’ll take care of you both and I want you in my pack. You are already in the pack. You are our centre. Can’t you see?”

 

“I…” Stiles sighed. She really tired and her head started to spin. “I really wish I still could.” _Pretend she was pack. Lie to myself that Derek cared about her._

_She wished she could._

It was the last thing before she closed her eyes and lost her footing.

 

 

* * *

 

She woke up to Derek beside her and they were lying on his bed together. His arms were around her waist protectively of the stomach. She sighed.

 

The confrontation didn’t work out like what she wished. She wished Derek didn’t know and they could freak out together. But no, Derek knew since the start. And he let Stiles stayed in the dark about it, because he knew stiles would rise a hell when she knew about it. He probably waiting for the baby to grow big and harder so she wont terminate it. And after she gave birth, he would chuck her away. Gosh. She was stupid. Pretending to be pack care giver. Playing the house with Derek and Pack. Giving her everything to the pack. Wishing Derek cared. Wishing they liked her. Wishing Derek love her, changing his mind and really sorry about the Kate incident.

 

She was so stupid.

 

She started to produce huge blobs of tears and sobs into her palms. It woke Derek because she felt him closer now, shushing her and gently rocking her from the back. It was not good. She didn’t like it. It felt disgusting. No. No. No.

 

She wished he would come and learn to love her. But no, it was all just so Stiles would help him with everything. Even by giving birth to his child. It was mortifying. He took everything she could give, and then took more than she could give.

 

“Shhhh Stiles… everything is going to be fine.”

 

“I loved you.” Stiles sobbed. “I lo..loved you. It was n..not p..puppy love. I re..really liked you. Derek, I lo..love you.”

 

She felt Derek’s kiss on her hair.

 

“B..But I ca..cant do this. D…Don’t be gentle like th..this when you d..don’t really like m..me. I c..cant take it, Derek.”

 

Derek tightened his arms around her. “Stiles, calm down. Listen to me. I like you too. I told you that. I’ll take care of you, I’ll be the best boyfriend you want and I’ll protect you. Just… believe me, alright? Believe me when you are the most important thing in my life now.”

 

“I ca…cant…” She still couldn’t control her sobbing. “It h..hurts..”

 

“I am sorry I’ve hurt you, so much,” Derek whispered softly, and said it like he _meant_ it. “Just… please believe me this. Even if you cant believe my feelings, then just believe that you are the most important thing in my life now, I _swear_.”

 

She hugged herself, but couldn’t do it without including the arms around her stomach. She cried herself out, while Derek whispering nothings in her ears. It’s just bad. Stiles was afraid of everything. She is very hurt now and knowing she would be heading for more pain in the future scares her. Can she believe him? She didn’t want to think now. And she couldn’t run. She was trapped there. The only thing she could do was to protect herself from further pain. She won’t trust Derek with anything, as tempting as it was.

 

The last thing she heard was Derek whispered to her, “I won’t let you be alone.”

 

That kind of made her feels a bit better.

 

* * *

 

 

When she woke up again the next, her eyes were dry and her throat hurts. Her eyelids were heavy and puffy. And she felt rather empty. It was like hangover, both mentally and physically draining. When she tried to move though, she felt the arms still around her. She wondered whether Derek even feel stiff. Werewolf probably won’t feel muscle stiffness at all. Or he just doesn’t want her to run away. Not like she could run anywhere anyway.

 

She couldn’t abort the baby since the start. Stiles knew it would be hardwork to raise a baby by herself, and if Derek didn’t want it then probably she would think about aborting it. But now that she knew at least one side of the parents wants the baby so much, she couldn’t just abandoned it. She just wished it was conceived in better time, with better set of parents who truly loved each other. Not just one sided love like hers.

 

Yeah. She knows for sure now that Derek doesn’t love her. Probably like her a bit, but not love. Never love.

 

Fuck her life. She now doomed to stay with a person who doesn’t like her for the long future, at least until the baby grew properly and happily went to college. Wow. That sounded so long. Even Stiles hasn’t got into college yet.

 

Headache. Hurts. She wished it can go away. She groaned.

 

“You awake?” Derek asked softly beside her. She nodded. And immediately regret it. Headache.

 

“Hungry?”

 

She shook her hand instead, giving the universal sign of no.

 

“I’ll get you something to drink.”

 

And he carried Stiles downstairs, putting her on the sofa and returned a quick moment later with a glass of water. She drinks it slowly, trying to keep her eyes opened when it kind of blurry from dryness and a bit of pain. She was still trying to figure out when the dryness would go away and didn’t realize that the whole pack was in the room as well up until Scott punched Derek on the face. _Hard_.

 

The corresponding Scott’s speech of being the best friend and trying to protect Stiles’ honor was quite funny in Stiles’ mind, but she said nothing because her massive headache just prevent her from putting too much attention to her external environment. She felt someone touched her forehead and patted her face with cold cloth, and she guessed it was Isaac, from the scent. Interesting. She remembered Isaac by smell?

 

“I… I need to go home.” Stiles called dryly, and wasn’t surprised when Derek stood beside her immediately and refused her wish. Isaac then immediately added that they have informed the Sherriff that Stiles was going to have sleep-over at Scott’s for a few days for school project. Stiles sighed and then another hand, Derek’s scent this time, rubbed her head softly.

 

“Just sleep, Stiles. I’ll take care the rest.”

 

She really shouldn’t feel relief, but she did and she fell asleep. Stiles was still far from alright, but she never was anyway, and it was good enough. At least she knows she would still be part of the team until she gave birth to the baby.

 

She wished she could be happier. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please give me feedback on this chapter. 
> 
> Next chapter I am thinking of kanima and magic combined. Also, Peter's return. More comment or kudos makes me update faster. 
> 
> x Hasegawa


	11. Chapter 11

She tried her best to pretend nothing changed. The Pack was already aware about her pregnancy, and while none of them say anything obvious to her (probably because Derek has warned the Pack while Stiles was sleeping), their attitude towards her changed a bit. They were a bit more subdued, gentle and dare-Stiles-say, more protective.

 

Boyd was the most obvious. He would stay around Stiles most of the time. And while he pretended to do something else like reading or listening on music, Stiles felt his eyes following her most of the time. He even took over the laundry duty from Stiles. Erica reduced her snarky tone to her, and the day after Stiles confronted Derek, she helped Stiles made dinner for the Pack. Isaac became clingier, pouting and wanting Stiles’ approval more than before. Scott brought Alison more than ever, torn between treating Stiles like usual and trying to mend the rip in their friendship—apparently even Scott’s thick skull realized that there was no more Scott and Stiles. Stiles hiding about Derek was a blow to Scott’s confidence of their friendship, so he seek some comfort and stability in his relationship with Allison, while slowly watching Stiles, unsure how to act. It was awkward at best. 

 

Stiles acted like usual, trying to smile, laugh, playfully scowling the ‘children’ and taking care of the pack, like usual. Initially it taxed her to pretend everything was normal, yet slowly she could adapt and got better. In contrary, she did everything she could to ignore and avoid Derek. It was not really obvious to everyone, but Stiles managed to sit Isaac between Derek and her; she also avoid being in a room with Derek alone as much as she could; then she rejected most of everything Derek offered and preferred to ask other Pack member; and she actually tried to speak as little as possible to Derek.

 

Derek, on the other hand, did the reverse. He looked like he was in pain if he was not in the same room as Stiles, or not beside her all the time. He looked hurt when Stiles rejected his offer (and so usually Stiles ended up accepting it) and tried to help her before she even asked. It made it harder for her to avoid him. And she needed to ask him about certain stuff, like how long the pregnancy would be, and is there any difference between normal human and werewolf pregnancy. Would their baby be a hybrid or something?  

 

She finally relented and asked the man when she was being cuddled on the couch, with the rest of Pack scattered around it watching Batman. Stiles had this sporadic but high in frequency urges of cuddling with the baby’s father, and so she sucked up her embarrassment and pride before seated herself on Derek’s lap. Usually Derek immediately complied, adjusted himself to make her comfortable, before continuing to stroke her stomach or nipping on her earlobes or the back of her neck. The pack usually closed their eyes on such display, opting to pretend they see nothing.

 

Stiles blamed it on the hormones, of course.

 

Derek answered slowly, explaining that the pregnancy would last from five to seven months instead of nine months for human. He also said that the child would have equal chance of being hybrid, pureblood werewolf or normal human. Stiles asked whether the chance of having pureblood werewolf being born would increase if both parents are werewolf. Derek answered positively, but the chance of a both-werewolf pair to bear a child is far less than human-werewolf pair, since they were a bit unfertile mix. Derek also softly added that his father was a human and his mother was the Alpha. Stiles nodded, commenting offbeat—probably that’s why Derek kept her as human—and it silenced Derek and the Pack. She resigned to the answer, knowing that if she worth more as human than werewolf, so be it.

 

She wont be a werewolf all her life and probably wont be fully accepted into the Pack.

 

Then, instead of asking more, she opted to rest and sleep on Derek’s chest. It was far more comfortable.

 

 

* * *

 

Telling her father did not go like what she had in mind. Instead of having normal, Sunday brunch and his father threatened Derek to death by violence, The Sherriff found out by the school’s call to him, telling him to bring Stiles home because she fainted due to her pregnancy. Stiles was feeling fine, just until the time when they were supposed to have PE and even though Scott argued with the PE teacher, the teacher still ordered Stiless to run around the field like everyone else. And she was running half way through when she couldn’t take it anymore, embarrassingly fainted to the ground. When she woke up she was in the infirmary and she was told her father has been called. They also asked her about the pregnancy, but she kept her mouth shut.

 

The Sherriff arrived with flushed, unbelieving face. Stiles knew she was dead for sure. Her father must felt awful and hating Stiles at the moment. Yeah, that’s the drawback of having a daughter, since a daughter can be easily impregnated by men and the one who needs to bear the shame.

 

“…I am sorry, father.” Stiles whispered in shame when she saw the Sherriff speechless as he read the medical note.

 

“…What happened, Stiles? Who was it?”

 

“I…” was raped. Could she say she was raped? No. She offered herself to Derek. She was the utter fool. “I was stupid.”

 

“What… does he know? Who is it?”

 

Stiles sighed. She wondered whether Derek would want to tell her father.

 

“Alright. What do you want to do, then?”

 

Stiles smiled blandly. “He wants the baby. I’ll give it to him when it’s born.”

 

“Do you… are you in love with ‘him’?”

 

Stiles wondered. Is she in love with him? Still? “ _Yes_. But he doesn’t like me. So I don’t think he wants me with the baby. It’s alright, father. I can handle this. You don’t need to worry. Please… Just please forgive me for this. I am really sorry. It’s my mistake.”

 

“Oh Stiles.” Her father looked pain before hugging her. It was then the infirmary door was opened and Derek entered the room, followed by Boyd and Erica.

 

“Stiles.” Derek looked worried and pale. “Are you alright? What happened?”

 

“Who is this, Stiles?” her father asked coldly, hands ready on his bar.

 

“This is the father of the baby. Father, this is Derek. Derek, this is The Sherriff.”

 

It didn’t go well, but the Sherriff knew better than to start an argument in public places, so he brought Stiles back home. Stiles watched as the Camaro followed her father’s car back home. When they reached home, Stiles decided that she might as well put on the kettle and brew some tea to welcome the party. Derek entered the house alone, looking paled but determined. Meanwhile, The Sherriff looking like he was one second from bursting with anger. When he saw Derek, he immediately rushed and grabbed Derek’s collar.

 

Stiles returned with tea tray and watched as her father and Derek staring at each other. She wondered when they would start hitting each other, and would it be best for her to stop it before it started. She felt indifference, really. It was shameful but nothing else could be done now.

 

 “…When?” suddenly his father asked her, and let go off Derek’s collar.

 

“The night you choose to skip dinner with me for your work.” Stiles, honestly, couldn’t feel guilty anymore. It’s the truth. Probably if only his father didn’t leave that night, she wont be there, full to the neck with self loathing and filled with Derek’s baby.

 

It silenced the Sherriff immediately. And he turned to Derek with so much anger.

 

“He was… he was the one who made you cried before, didn’t he? You used my daughter when she was most vulnerable…!”

 

Stiles watched from the side. It was surreal for her, her father shouting and threatening Derek, while Derek tried to defend while apologizing as well. Derek started to promise all the stuff she promised Stiles, then Stiles watched as her father looked heartbroken and finally resigned. They stopped their dance to look at Stiles, making Stiles wanted to run. She doesn’t know what to do, so please stop looking at her for answer. She was no longer the old, know-it-all Stiles. Weirdly, both of them lost their fighting sprit when they see that Stiles couldn’t care less about the whole thing. Her father then walked and sat beside her, asking how she feels. It was funny that he asked, since she didn’t know.

 

So instead of answering her father’s question, she asked him, “Can you take me to mom’s grave?”

 

It silenced the Sherriff, because his daughter never asked about her mother’s grave.

 

* * *

 

 

Stiles stood in front of the grave. The name written on the stone was not familiar. The family name is Stilinski, though, so it should be her mother’s grave. She waited for the feeling to come, but nothing washed over her. She felt empty, disconnected. Her father stood behind her, looking unsure while Derek watched them from far away, giving them some privacy.

 

“Is this her, father?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“She is really gone, isn’t she?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you think… would she be disappointed if she saw me now? With this thing and everything I am now?”

 

“Stiles, I don’t think that would matter. She loved you and me. She would be proud of what you have done all these years. Supporting me, being a good, independent child. You were the best thing we ever wanted, Genim.”

 

Stiles smiled at her father. “Thanks, dad. Can I… Can I have some time with mom, here?”

 

The Sherriff left her alone there, standing in front of a normal looking, old, eroded stone with a name carved on it. Her mother’s name. Stiles wished she could remember what her mother looks like, really looks like, not just from her own biased memories which might have mixed with some over-imagination.

 

But she came up with nothing. And so she stood there, wondering what she should do, and whether it was all just a dream.

 

Probably.

 

She blinked to see a creature standing on her mother’s gravestone. It was some sort of golem interbreeds with lizard. It was looking at her, as she was staring back at it.

 

It happened only for a second, because immediately she felt someone pulled her back and she found Derek shielding her from an attack. Before she could think or acted, the thing has gone, and the only proof the thing was not a fraction of her false memory (due to depression and probably hyper-imagination) was Derek’s bloodied T-shirt on the left arm. The scars closed up quickly, but the blood stain stayed there.

 

“Are you alright?” Derek panting as he gathered Stiles into his arms. Stiles nodded.

 

“What was that?”

 

“…I am not sure.”

 

“But you have some idea, yes?” Stiles’ brain started to run. “It was some sort of creature, but with conscience. I saw it watching me. It didn’t attack before you attack what.. do you think it may be connected to your uncle’s disappearance? And also, what kind of idea you have on this thing? Please tell me everything you know, I can’t work it out properly if I don’t have enough information.”

 

“Stiles… Stop. Look at me.” Derek pulled her and stared at her eyes. “Are you alright?”

 

It made her blinked. “Ye…Yeah?”

 

“Good.”

 

They went back home after that, and in the car she explained about werewolf and the stuffs. Her father looked stricken especially since he was getting to understand that the whole werewolf thing was actually true and not something his daughter imagined. Stiles could read her father well, and wondered until when her father would start believing her again. She was no longer his good daughter anymore, that’s for sure, especially after his reaction to the news she was pregnant from her first sex ever.

 

Derek, on the other hand, looked like he was hiding things from her. Probably he doesn’t want to tell her. If that’s the case then she would do things her way then. It was better than moping on stuff she couldn’t change anyway.

 

 

* * *

 

A week after the visit to the grave, Stiles found herself on the bed, tucked in while Derek entered the bed beside her after patrolling around the house. He did it ever since the Kanima came to Stiles in the grave. Stiles observed that it made him felt surer after patrolling the Hale House before he slept, probably an Alpha thing. Stiles couldn’t care less, since for her, the Kanima didn’t possess any danger. The creature was there to greet her. And it actually doesn’t intend to harm or hurt her, up until Derek tried to protect her. Well, if it does come and hurt Stiles, she wished it would kill her as well. Then everything would be happier, easier.

 

She did her research, but it was fairly limited. She got some folklores that might have described something similar to the creature though. However since Derek has told her father that it was safer for her to stay with Derek at all time, her father let her to stay full time at Hale House. It was a bit sad for Stiles, since it felt like her father has given up on her. Well, probably he was also trying to give the best for her, since Derek was admittedly a better shield against supernatural creatures compared to metal bullets. Then, since she stayed in Hale House full time, her research time was fairly limited especially if she wanted to keep Derek away from the research. Lucky he got internet connection, though. Otherwise Stiles would have gone crazy since day one when she brought half her cupboards and her beloved laptop to Hale House. Oh, and since Derek refused to put Stiles anywhere other than his own room, it was decided that she would sleep on the same bed with Derek.

 

Derek was just opening his shirt and Stiles suddenly felt her body temperature increase. She needs something, she needs someone to hold her tight and fuck her. The image of Derek fucked her in the jeep passed through her mind, and suddenly all she could think about was Derek on top of her, fucking her into the bed. She couldn’t even control herself. It was weird, considering her first experience of sex wasn’t all that great. Yet all she needed was someone to sleep on top of her and fucked her. Then Derek entered their bed, putting himself in a respective distance from Stiles. Stiles knew he didn’t want to fuck her, but she needed this. She wanted it so badly. She heard herself saying out loud,

 

“Derek, fuck me.”

 

The Alpha froze before turned to stare at Stiles closely. She was already under the cover, all ready to sleep, but face flushed and eyes stared straight at him, full of lust. Derek looked like he was torn between ready to fuck Stiles into oblivion and unsure whether it was the right thing to do. Stiles couldn’t care less, since her body demanded she got laid immediately. So she got nearer to Derek, put herself on top of him, then rubbed herself on Derek’s torso, kissing the man’s jaw.

 

“Please,” She pleaded desperately, “Please Derek… Please fuck me.”

 

Derek made up his mind and immediately tore Stiles’ clothes off her, then pinned her down to the bed. His habit of sleeping with naked upper body helped shortened the time, and soon he was preparing Stiles for his penis. Stiles moaned, feeling almost content. Yes, it was what she needed. She moaned louder, clenching her hands on Derek’s biceps. Derek kissed her, asking for permission. She growled, and pushing her hips up. Her extended stomach touched Derek’s well muscled torso, and giving new sensation to sensitive Stiles. It was then Derek entered her, making her screaming with need. That was it. When Derek moved, slowly pounding her, she screamed for him to get faster. Derek complied, bucking his hip faster. Stiles sighed in need, up until she felt she was falling. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the satisfactory orgasm that washed through her body. It was way better than the short lived of her first time orgasm. Then she waited for Derek to come, lifeless and putty in his arms, letting him having control until he came. She waited then, waiting for the pain to come, waiting for Derek to call the woman he loved. It didn’t come though; Derek came in grunts but he didn’t call any name.

 

When it finally ended, Stiles gently pushed Derek away and let his cock slipped out of her. She couldn’t be bothered to clean herself, and it doesn’t matter anyway since she was soiled already. She turned her back to him, then buried herself in the cover, trying not to shake from fear and pain. After the hormone-induced lust passed, her impulse to get near to Derek gone immediately, leaving her empty inside. Her stomach felt full though, with Derek seed. She was happy that she won’t get pregnant from it since she was already full. Unconsciously, she patted the rounded stomach she has now.

 

She swallowed hard before whispering, “Thank you, Derek.”

 

“…for what?” came the reply, almost as soft as her whisper.

 

“For fucking me when I asked you to.” Stiles answered and closed her eyes. _And to remember keeping yourself from calling anyone else’s name when you came._

                                                                                                                   

And she pretended not to notice how Derek went rigid. She fell asleep, but when she woke up in the middle of the night because of the heat, she found herself inside Derek’s arms, Derek spooning her closely from behind. It made her felt a bit weird since they were both naked.

 

She let it be and returned to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

The next day, Stiles felt way better than usual and decided to do grocery shopping (this decision was especially due to the empty and pitiful condition of Hale’s Fridge, where there was nothing but ice cubes. She wondered how the whole Pack managed to finish it to the last bit like this, especially since she remembered they still have some mayonnaise in bottles and pickles and leftovers that one does not eat as snack). Also, she suddenly wanted to eat coconut jelly so much she could taste it on the top of her tongue.

 

When she announced she was going for grocery and what the Pack wants, she was not prepared to end up in the Camaro with Derek beside her driving, Isaac on the back. The boy looked tad bit uncomfortable with the smaller space, though. The rest of the pack took Stiles’ jeep and followed behind them. Stiles was still surprised.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Hmm?” Derek hummed. Stiles huffed.

 

“Why is everybody coming with me? It’s just a grocery shopping.”

 

“We want to come. We have stuff to get too, Stiles.” Isaac answered from the back. “Is it alright with you… _mom_?”

 

Stiles blinked. “Huh? Am I the mom now?”

 

Isaac whimpered from the back. Stiles saw the evil stinky eye Derek sent to Isaac through the rear mirror. Stiles found herself laughing at that, which made Derek less tense and Isaac sighed in relief.

 

They arrived at the bigger supermarket on the outskirt of town. Stiles wondered why they need to go to such place when the local supermarket would do. But her craving for coconut jellies overrode her mind, thus preventing her from asking Derek why.

 

The Pack members dispersed by themselves, while Stiles walked slowly (she was showing by now—and it was quite heavy to walk. Truthfully, with her small frame and thin bones, having werewolves inside her was quite a task. It felt like she carried at least 10 pounds of sack everytime she walks) with Derek walking beside her.  Derek  helped her with the trolley and slowly they pushed through the fresh products aisle.

 

Stiles wondered what should she make—wow, the carrot and lettuce are on sale—when she saw Derek seriously comparing between button mushroom and the yellow ones. She came closer, almost laughing. He looked so serious while comparing the two.

 

“What are you doing, Derek?”

 

He jumped and looked bashful for being caught. Stiles laughed and took the button mushroom from him. “Do you want this in the salad?”

 

Derek nodded slightly before murmuring “BBQ.”

 

“Oh. That’s good as well.” Stiles put it in the trolley. “Do we need to buy meat? I think I saw a butcher outside this supermarket, probably with fresher meat. Mutton? Beef? Chicken?”

 

“Don’t need to get the meat.” Derek answered stoically, but Stiles caught a bit of humor in his tone. “I’ll get the kids to catch the meat.”

 

Stiles laughed louder when she realized what that meant. “Well… alright then. Tomorrow is Sunday anyway, so if you all can catch them before lunch, then we can enjoy BBQ for late lunch.”

 

Derek smiled a bit and put his hand on Stiles’ hips. For a moment it reminded her of their copulation last night. However, it also felt quite warm and sweet, so Stiles let that hand stayed there. She then continued to look for the vegetables that are good for BBQ and are on sale—she is the mother, so she needs to control the budget especially with a Pack with bottomless pit stomachs.

 

It brought her to some capsicums and potatoes when she saw a cute couple walking side by side, laughing at each other’s words, looking as if the world is theirs and nobody else’s. It was sweet, with the right amount of PDA. It made Stiles felt a bit bad though. She wanted something like that. Called her cheesy or girly, but she wished it could be her and Scott. Being loved in return, enjoying the sweet world with the person she loved the most. Alas, it was just a dream now, something she couldn’t indulged to even imagine. Derek made it very clear that he is stuck with her forever, even though he doesn’t love her (something about wolfie mated for life or something. Even though she has offered him an open relationship so Derek could find his real love was shot down immediately). That’s just plain painful since it made Stiles the annoying obligation and not his choice. Stiles herself felt restricted too. Anyway, Stiles was sure even though Derek came to learn to tolerate her that much, he wouldn’t act like that in public or in private. Their arrangement is just for the convenience of the Pack and his babies.

 

Stiles wondered how it felt to be loved like that. She saw it often between Allison and Scott. She wanted to know, just once, how it felt. Not that she could do anything about it though. So she buried the wish inside her chest, refusing to fall into the easy angsty lure. She doesn’t need more angst for God’s sake, she just need to learn to accept.

 

She turned to see Derek watching her strangely. It made her feel embarrassed for she was caught watching others, so she quickly changed her step to the next aisle. Isaac was already waiting there, with two cakes on his hands, one the butter cake and the other banana bread.

 

“Can I have them?” he used his puppy eyes, melting Stiles’ heart. She nodded and let happy Isaac put both cakes on the trolley. Isaac kissed her cheek before running away again, this time probably looking at the ice cream aisle. She shot Derek a strict look before the Alpha could even say anything. Derek pouted.

 

“You’re spoiling him.”

 

Stiles shrugged. Isaac was the only thing she could indulge in her current predicament. What was the harm in letting the kid who had been abused by his own father to have two cakes he wanted? For Stiles it seemed justified.

 

“It’s just cakes. But I will prevent myself from doing that from now on. I’ll pay for the cakes too, if that’s what you want.”

 

“Stiles…” Derek looked frustrated, which made Stiles looked away. Nothing she does pleased the man anymore. So she opted to keep silent.

 

They were saved by Scott and Allison, putting two huge bottles of cokes into the trolley. Stiles smiled as Allison told her about cheap bath stuff on the body care aisle and urged Stiles to check it out. Stiles assured her she would go with her pace. Stiles is quite slow these days since she walked with constant 10 pounds on her.

 

Then Erica and Boyd came with handful of diapers and baby stuffs. Stiles raised  her eyebrows, which invited Erica to do the same as well. Boyd shrugged and told her it was just preparation since they were trying to help up with the nursery. It surprised Stiles, really, because the nursery was something that never passed her mind beforehand. She thanked both of them and let the two scampered back.

 

She stayed silence for the rest of the shopping trip, mind divided with pricing and ensuring she got enough supply to feed the Pack. She couldn’t control herself when they got to the jelly aisle, though. The coconut jelly looked so good. She almost praised it when she saw it and probably might had sing a song for it on the spot. She stopped doing it when she realized people were staring, and Derek may or may not have been trying to keep her voice down for the past five minutes. She quickly took two of it and held it in her hands, because she was going to pay it with her own money. It was her own cravings anyway.

 

“Put it in the trolley.” Derek called to her.

 

“No, I’ll pay for this myself. This is mine.”

 

“Stiles…”

 

“I crave these. I’ll pay for it. I have some money too, Derek. You have been paying for the Pack and everything. I got this.”    

 

“Stiles, please give it to me.”

 

“It’s alright, Derek. I can take care of this myself.”

 

“Stiles, please. Why won’t you let me take care of you?”

 

It silenced her. It was funny how a sentence can hurt her chest like that. Is it for Stiles, or is it for the baby? It’s never for Stiles. She really dislikes the way Derek pretends he cared about her when it was all about the baby only. She doesn’t need pity jelly. She slowly put it back in the shelf. The jelly doesn’t look as good anymore. “…I am sorry. I don’t think I want this after all.”

 

“Stiles.”

 

“Stop calling my name, Derek. Or better yet, find out who my real name is if you really care.” Stiles snapped. “Not that you care, right? It’s all about the baby. I am not a child anymore. I can take care of myself and the baby, don’t you worry. I have been taking care of myself and my father since I was small anyway. I can take care of your baby, with or without a partner who likes me enough to be with me.”

 

She walked away, wishing the Pack members—any of them, really—to come and distract her from Derek. This was not what she wanted, not what she imagined. She needs to just suck it up. Because nothing in life would go as well as she wants them to be. Fortunately Scott and Allison came to them and Stiles got the chance to distract herself with asking Scott which juice flavor he wants, just like old times. Scott looks eager to come back to the familiar interaction as well, and so she stuck to Scott and Allison for the reminder of the shopping trip. She also pretended she didn’t realize Allison’s stare at her when the beautiful girl didn’t think Stiles would see.

 

And well, since she decided to skip the coconut jelly, tomato juice looks good as well.

 

 

* * *

 

Damn, probably she shouldn’t have settled for the tomato juice. The coconut jelly still dances in her mind and dream, especially now when she was tucked in beside Derek on the bed.

It seemed that Derek had learned from their previous communication attempt that she was kind of angry at him. The man acted like a kicked puppy for the remainder of the day, and even with Stiles trying her best to amend the problem, he still refused to act like haughty Alpha as per usual and instead keeping his distance with Stiles while watching her movement all the time.

 

It was awkward at best for her, but soon she found that she didn’t care. She was learning to un-love Derek, and it seemed to be working. It felt surreal. She missed the old Stiles who was innocent and naïve enough to think that everybody in this world are good people. Now she knew better and it gave her a bitter touch on her personality. Instead of honestly being happy, she now mostly faked being happy. She tried to keep it down though, since it wasn’t good for the baby if its mommy slash incubator is depressed while growing it.

 

The Pack seemed to take notice, but none said anything. Which was good, since Stiles couldn’t believe herself to keep her secret failure in relationships. She was not in any kind of relationship with Derek anyway. She was just a convenient human to breed, someone whom Derek liked enough to accept into the pack.

 

She slid from the bed as silent as she could, then go down to grab something, anything to make her forget the jelly. She got her tomato juice, but it wasn’t as satisfying as the coconut jelly. Probably she just needs to go to the supermarket—but the clock showed it was 2 am in the morning, and damn, nothing opens that late.

 

It frustrates her. And it made her felt so stupid. Feeling all these anxiety from just coconut jelly withdrawal syndrome. She blamed it all on the baby, and then feels bad because she was blaming something that doesn’t even have consciousness. She doesn’t want to hate the baby, since it is her child as well, even though not fully hers. Then she blamed it on her hormone, and Derek, and then her own weakness and loneliness. And in the end it frustrated her even more since she could blame no one for her current predicament.

 

She felt her cheek wet. Damn, now she is crying because she couldn’t get her coconut jelly. It was the most ridiculous thing she ever done. Crying because of coconut jelly. Damn it, ever since Derek came into her life, nothing was easy anymore. Her chest constricted in pain and she sobbed into her hands.

 

 _Someone, please help me end all this_. And probably get her some coconut jelly in the process.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

The questions shocked her. She looked up to see Derek standing in front of the stairs, looking like he was trying to safely reach a sleeping tiger. In a way, probably yes because Stiles’ emotion is currently in disarray,  a time bomb.

 

“Yeah. I am fine, thank you for asking. Sorry waking you up, please get back to sleep. I’ll return to bed soon.”

 

Derek looked pained and he slowly came towards Stiles. She was tense, up until she felt his arms around her and hugged her tight

 

“I am sorry. I never meant… I hate seeing you like this. I am sorry.”

 

“De..Derek, don’t…”

 

“I am so sorry, Stiles. We both know I have hurt you. But I don’t realize how much until now. I am really sorry I am an arrogant prick. I didn’t mean any of this. I thought I can keep you happy. But I see now that I don’t, since I drive you mad with everything I do. I don’t even know what to do anymore. So please, tell me what you want and we can go from there.“

 

What does she want?

 

“I want us to be fine, to face this together. Honestly, Derek, I am fine. I can handle this. Just… Please don’t ask me to depend on you, because I… I just can’t. I can’t depend on someone I can’t trust.”

 

“I swear you can trust me. I promise I’ll take care of you.”

 

“I can’t trust you since you don’t even love me. I am sorry, but everytime I see you and feels the baby inside me, I kept remembering how I was just a substitute—nothing better than a substitute, and it just spiraling from there, Derek. I am sorry.”

 

Derek slowly patted her back and she buried herself inside his arms.

 

“I know I am not Kate,” She continues, feeling Derek twitched when she called the name, “I am not your perfect girl, I don’t even know a dime about you or your past. I might never be good enough for anybody, but… I really want to be the best for this baby. I … I am doing my best to cope with this, Derek. I promise you I’ll be fine. So for now… can we just be friends for now?”

 

Derek was silent for some moments before nodded. He let Stiles go and went to one of the cupboard, and magically—wait for it—come up with two coconut jelly cups. Stiles’ eyes were as big as saucers and she immediately made grabby hands signs—she doesn’t care anymore. How, she mouthed without being able to speak it out. Derek mentioned something about buying it in secret when she wasn’t watching but Stiles couldn’t care less about it. Instead, she opened it like a savage and took the spoon Derek offers, then devoured the jelly like there is no tomorrow.

 

Man, she was half way to orgasm. Almost there, _Oh_.

 

She did moan, though. Sinfully. Deliberately. To express her happiness.

 

The second cup didn’t last long, and there was the last scoop when she remembered that she was not alone. She turned to Derek, silently offering her last scoop of jelly. Derek, surprisingly, was smiling softly.

 

“No, I am alright. You finish it.” Derek answered the silent offering.

 

Stiles smiled back and then enjoyed her last scoop, just in time to realize that Derek’s pants were pooling on his upper thighs; making her blink and Derek blushed a second after he realized that he was being caught. And it gave Stiles a rush in her head. She was almost having a mental orgasm from the coconut jelly, and she might as well reward Derek for his thoughtful behavior. And she might as well get some orgasm on the way. The sex was good up until before the miscalling name anyway.

 

“…Probably we can be friends with benefits too, if you want.” Stiles commented lamely.

 

It followed by her being fucked against the counter. She clutched the stone counter tightly, stifling her moans (even though she was sure with his super hearing, Erica, Boyd and Isaac knew anyway) while Derek fucked her from behind, lips hot on her earlobe, hands covering her own on the counter. It was quite intimate, and the orgasm that came was just like a cherry on top after the coconut jelly.

 

Derek carried her upstairs, and then when they were comfortable on the bed, Derek slid closer to her. He offered his arm as a pillow. Stiles was tired, sated and so she let him positioned her to make him comfortable.

 

A moment before Stiles truly fell asleep, she felt Derek kissed her forehead.

 

“I’ll take care of you, _Genim_.”

 

 _Oh, he knows my name_ was Stiles’ last thought before falling asleep.

* * *

 

Well, apparently learning to un-love Derek was easier compared to not falling back in love with Derek. Stiles found out that after that night, everything returned to normal, as much as normal was possible. Derek slowly approached her and made her comfortable with his attention, while Stiles learned to not jumped and expected the worst when Derek approached her. They spent time together, just like the old days when Derek crashed in Stiles’ room for weeks. Sometimes before bed, they even have sex; which always followed with stiles’ craving of the time (it changed from coconut jelly to salty cornet sandwich with pickles in the middle, coke mixed with tea, and then some beef jerky—the last she shared with Derek, usually). Sometimes they would talk, almost lightly about everything except their own feelings, but then slowly Derek started to tell Stiles about himself. Like how he had a stronger, smarter, loving, older sister. How he used to think he would be an architect. What kind of Christmas he had as a kid. The colour of his socks. What food and fruits he likes. How he likes the smell of tobacco. And how he likes Stiles’ shampoo.

 

The Pack was happier because of this, but Stiles always shrugged and labeled Derek and her as friends instead of a couple. It earned some frown from Allison and Isaac, though. Stiles could only smile and pretended she believed what she said—they were just friends. Yeah, she was afraid she is falling in love with Derek all over again, and it wouldn’t be good for both of them. She needs to control herself.

 

Yeah, she should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comment or response. I just want to know how much I have butchered this story. It demotivates me immensely. 
> 
> And today is my birthday, which sadly is forgotten by everyone, even my own family. I wonder how much facebook information actually govern ourselves, because I don't put my bday in facebook, and it just amazed me how much it determines the number of happy birthday! greeting I received.


	12. Chapter 12

On the other hand, returning to school wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be. She couldn’t hide the size of her tummy, and even with the baggiest hoodie she has, it was still obvious.

 

 _Loose girl,_ she heard.

 _Slut,_ they said as she walked passed them.

 _Stupid girl,_ they whispered when they think she couldn’t hear, _I thought she was one of the smartest in our class._

 _Doesn’t she know how to use condom?_ When she opened the toilet door.

 _Glad it wasn’t me._ When she left the restroom.

_Why does she still coming to school anyway? Has she any shame at all?_

 

It was kind of novel feelings for her. How much scorns and judgments reserved for girls who got pregnant. It is unfair, when society always blamed only the females, and ignoring the facts that pregnancy requires two parts, male and female. Nobody asked who the male part was.  People judge the female. Because it was obvious and the female couldn’t lie for she needs to live with a growing life inside her for months till it was born. And its not like the whole school doesn’t have sex life. Stiles knows at least half of the girls and boys in her class who did it in various places within the school wall.

 

She couldn’t lie and say it doesn’t bother her. She didn’t like being called loose woman, or slut at all. She hated being called stupid. She knows she is stupid, and she doesn’t need them to reinforce it. Well at least now she knows that the world have the same thinking with her. She was already punished by having a child with a man who doesn’t love her, and it would be helpful if the hypocrites (who had sex more regularly than her but smarter enough to reinforced condom or birth pill control) refrain from judging her.

 

It doesn’t help that she hasn’t quite talk to her father in weeks following her moving to Hale House. Even when she called, he was never at home, and when she called his mobile phone, he seemed to be awkward and wanted to run from any conversation.

 

So when the great Lydia Martin came over and stood beside her locker, Stiles knew it was going to get worse.

 

“I need to talk to you, Stilinski.”

 

Stiles followed her as they walked to deserted area, not that Stiles could imagine it would be deserted now as everybody saw Lydia Martin calling the school slut, which made everyone in school wanted to follow and eavesdropped.

 

“I am going to ask you just one. Is that baby Jackson’s?”

 

“What.” Stiles couldn’t even begin her surprise before she started laughing in disbelief. “No. No way in heaven.”

 

“Don’t lie to me, Stiles. I have seen him wanting to talk to you a few weeks back. What did you two talk about?”

 

“…Nothing of this concern. Really, I have no idea why you would think I am having his child, and having sex with him… ewww, that’s kind of gross.”

 

Lydia appeared to be angrier and she took a step closer to Stiles. She looked menacing and intimidating now. “He is my boyfriend, Stilinski, and you’d better stay away from him!”

 

“Uh. No problem.” Stiles shrugged. “If you really want to know the truth, why don’t you ask him yourself? He is your boyfriend, after all.”

 

Lydia’s anger dimmed for a moment. “He has been trying to avoid me and keeping some secrets from me. You are the reason he did that, aren’t you?”

 

“Uh. No.” Stiles shook her head. “I am sorry to disappoint you, but no. It’s not me at all. And for the record, I am a slut with taste and I don’t open my legs that cheaply, especially to guys like Jackson.” Perhaps the last note was too petty, but the whole day has been a trial for Stiles’ patience. And Derek was probably worse than Jackson.

 

Lydia looked like she didn’t believe anything Stiles said, but she left nonetheless. Stiles sighed and turned to see Isaac and Scott standing behind her, looking concerned.

 

“Everything’s fine, puppies.” Stiles smiled widely and rubbed their heads. “Have you finished your Lacrosse practice? If yes, then lets go back to Derek’s house.”

 

Isaac whimpered and hugged Stiles closely. She hugged him back.

 

“Why are you suddenly so clingy?” She whispered. Isaac shook his head, until Scott pulled his t-shirt on the neckline back. Stiles nodded thanks to Scott and then ushered the two werewolves back to Hale House. They met Erica and Boyd in the process, and it was a cramp journey back.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, when Derek entered the bed, he slowly covered Stiles’ body with his. His lips were kissing her hair, gently. It was the sign that he wanted to have sex with her. She felt his urgency to touch her, to make sure the baby (and her, by extension) was fine. Probably because it was the first day Stiles returned to school after she fainted, and Derek was quite worried. When she entered Hale House that afternoon, Derek was immediately standing in front of her, asking silent permission to check Stiles’ well being. She let him, and felt like tourist who gets checked in the front gate of airports. Derek’s kisses on her neck and shoulder woke her up from her thoughts. His hands were cupping her belly in a very gentle manner. She also felt Derek’s penis poking her from the back. He was quite ready and enthusiastic. Usually Stiles would agree especially if Derek has her craving of the day with him, but today, she felt a bit restrain.

 

 _Slut_.

 

She closed her eyes.

 

_Loose girl._

She bit her lower lips tightly. A bit of blood taste washed the need to taste beef jerky, somehow.

 

_Stupid girl._

She shook her head. “I am sorry, Derek. I feel unwell. Can we not do it tonight?”

 

Derek accepted her words and soon he fell asleep. Stiles, however, couldn’t sleep at all.

 

* * *

 

 

“We are worried.”

 

Stiles stopped herself from turning the doorknob open. She could hear the voices from the kitchen downstairs even though she was up there in the second floor, inside Derek’s room. That morning she woke up late, probably a manifestation of her unwillingness to go to school. Or probably she was just that tired. Anyway, Derek has left the bed and she took her sweet time preparing (i.e. washing her face with scrubs for once, brushing her teeth twice and choosing between either grey jumper or red hoodie). She almost ready to go down when she recognized the voice, it was Isaac’s. It was weird how recently she seemed to be so attuned with the pack that she could smell and hear them just as if she has the werewolf super senses. Was it because she is carrying werewolf babies?

 

Stiles returned to the bed, sitting down. Her belly was bit bigger this morning. Now that she thinks about it, she was already 3 and a half, almost 4 months pregnant. And if Derek was telling the truth about werewolf pregnancies, then she was halfway through. The baby would be born soon.

 

And after that… what? Would Derek realize he could take care of the children with the pack alone and doesn’t need Stiles anymore, so he would let Stiles go? Or would she need to go and take care of the pack and the baby just like usual? Can she go to college? Does she want to go to college? It’s funny how she started to think about stuff, when she was brooding about having a baby with Derek before. The pregnancy time is so short that she couldn’t rest between freaking out of having a baby and freaking out of what would happen after the baby comes out.

 

“Why?” She heard Derek’s answer. Stiles resigned herself and sat on the bed, eavesdropping.

 

“The students don’t receive the pregnancy that well. They called Stiles stuffs. We tried to keep it down and hit anyone who dared to speak it out, but I guess some must have slipped.” It was weird that Erica was the one who said all these things, Stiles wondered, “Also, Lydia Martin called her. I think it is because of Jackson Whittermore, the one I told about joining the pack and rejected.”

 

She heard Derek growled.

 

Her chest tightened.

 

Oh. So the pack knew that she was being called stuff. Being put in her place. Stiles sighed. She really has no dignity or pride left. The pack can only see her as a weak, scrawny human that good for household chores but nothing else. She was not smart enough, strong enough. And now she was incubating the pack cub(s), so they care. What about after the birth, though, what would happen? Would they realize how much burden she is, more than her usefulness?

 

Would they ask her to leave?

 

There was nothing to regret now. She just needs to do it till the end and just take it as it comes. So she steeled her will power and went down to the kitchen.

 

“Good morning.” She smiled her best carefree smile. “I am sorry I wake up late. Have you all make breakfast yet?”

 

“Some. We have pancakes and blueberry. Your favorite.” Erica shrugged.

 

Stiles thanked her and sat down, enjoying the pancake in front of her, trying not to think too much. There was nothing good from thinking too much, after all.

 

It doesn’t help that she couldn’t control her emotions very well nowadays. Damn it, she had cried more times recently compared to the years she has lived until now. But it was a bit _hard_ , to remember that she was fine, especially when she walked into the classrooms to find people stop talking for a second and stared at her, before resuming it again after a minute. Self conscious was new to her, as she now has obvious reasons (with her extending stomach, even the hoodie failed to cover her stomach). She excused herself to the toilet in the middle of the class, and slowly succumbed to the need to cry in the bathroom stall.  

 

Stiles couldn’t cry in Hale House because the pack would sense it; and she is not welcomed anymore in her own house. Her father has not yet returned her call in a week, and a worried phone message from Melissa ( _Stiles, are you alright? Haven’t seen you for so long. Come visit me whenever you can, and I’ll take care of your father for you, so don’t worry_ ). And she wasn’t welcomed in the classroom either; and school for that matter.

 

Tears kept coming, and while she kept herself inaudible, she lost her sense of time. She was busy sobbing when the door was opened (damn cheap school; their toilet stall door lock is made from unreliable old metal slide) and revealed Lydia Martin standing. Stiles rubbed her face quickly; but Lydia closed the door again, then washed her hands.

 

“Come out when you are ready, Stilinski.”

 

It was kind of kind of her. Stiles rubbed her face dry, calming herself before finally she stepped out. Lydia was fixing her make-up, but she stopped when she saw Stiles out from the cubicle.

 

“Feeling better, Stilinski?”

 

Stiles shrugged.

 

“You know, I am not as bad as you think. I may have butchered my your first impression of me, but I am not that heartless to let you cry alone in the cubicle. You can talk to me, Stilinski. I won’t bite.”

 

Stiles blinked, wondering whether she heard it right. But Lydia seemed like she was waiting for her response, so she nodded softly.

 

“Thanks.”

* * *

 

 

That was quite the surprise for the day, and luckily the rest of the day wasn't as bad. Apparently the members of the pack were able to subdue the rest of the school, refraining them from calling Stiles names especially in front of her. She was touched on their effort, so she cooked extra special dinner, consist of meat stew and cheesecake for dessert.

 

Luckily Allison was there to help her, and so the food was set on the table, and the rest of the pack was making their way to the table. Stiles was just tidying up the kitchen before she heads to the table as well when Derek came to her and fidgeting beside her. Stiles smiled.

 

“What’s up, sourwolf?”

 

Derek looked away, but he put something on the surface of kitchen beside her. Stiles blinked. It was a brown paper bag, looking innocent.

 

“What’s that?” Stiles asked. “Coconut nata de coco?” It was her new craving.

 

Derek pushed the bag towards her, so she took it and grabbed whatever inside.

 

She really didn’t expect the thing inside. It was a blue velvet box. Stiles really couldn’t say anything, and somehow she wished it doesn’t house a jewelry she doesn’t know how to react to.

 

When she opened it, it was a ring. A huge freaking diamond ring, pear cut and with either white gold or silver ring.

 

She closed the box again.

 

“What do you mean, Derek?”

 

Derek still refused to look at her. “I was told that this probably will help you.”

 

“… Help me for what, exactly?”

 

Derek looked like he was getting caught red handed. The guilt and fear were so clear. “…to fend off some of the nasty comments you had in school.”

 

Okay. Stiles didn’t know what to say or how she must answer to that question. She felt ridiculously low now. So, the ring was offered to make people stop calling her _slut_. There were so many wrong things about it. Firstly, the ring came from a brown, normal paper bag as if it was a cheap, convenient lunch. Secondly, the way it was offered to her, with not even a decency of commentary. She needs to ask what that was before Derek explained. Thirdly, the explanation was quite degrading in a sense that Stiles couldn’t fend off those “sluts and name-calling” by herself. And she freaking need a diamond ring to safe herself, yippee. Lastly, it was offending her feelings because face it, Derek decided to give her an engagement (or wedding ring, she wasn’t sure what the ring represent) ring even though he knew she actually loves him for real, and she also knew that Derek didn’t love her. So in essence, he was just giving a ring without seriously asking Stiles out. Making the ring that Stiles used to wish to be the symbol of ever-lasting, mutual love (like her parent’s), as a joke. It is very, very offending to her, especially since she has been wasting all these time trying to reason Derek’s attitude towards her.

 

“..Is this a fake one then?” Stiles tried to keep her temper down. Probably if it was a fake one, then it should be alright, since it was just ‘for show’.

 

“No. It was my mother’s.”

 

It stopped Stiles. “…Why?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“This is wrong on so many level! You don’t put your mother’s ring in a brown paper bag! You don’t give your mother’s ring to a girl you don’t even ever think of marrying! You don’t use your mother’s ring for decoy! _Why_ are you giving this to me when you don’t even love me? What’s wrong with you?”

 

Derek growled. “I thought the paper bag will make it less intimidating.”

 

“What. Are you even real.” Stiles rolled her eyes. She took the velvet box and put it back in the bag. “Take that back.”

 

Derek looked like he couldn’t accept it. “But...”

 

Stiles shook her head. “You don’t know what you are doing, do you?”

 

Derek looked like he was listening.

 

Stiles sighed. She needs to keep her temper down. But her chest was throbbing in pain. Ridiculous. It’s just Derek’s ignorance hurts. “Look Derek, let me explain this to you. This, _all this_ , is very insensitive of you. You know I love you. I still do. And I am willing to look away and be here, knowing you need me just to be pack nanny and a breeder.” Derek wanted to cut, but she stopped her by putting her palm on his lips. “Listen to me, alright? I don’t think you understand how much offensive this to me. I… I am a girl, aright? I like romance. I was expecting romance in my life, up until I decided to stupidly fall in love with you, then I gave up on romance. But I still got some girly wishes, like being proposed by a guy who loved me, probably after an excellent dinner or on a balcony of someplace high. To make me feel… _special_. Now, you see; by giving the ring that was supposed to symbolized mutual love and the desire to be together, then put it in a cheap paper back, making it a prop so I can fend off people name-calling me; you are essentially mocking my dream. I know you don’t love me, and all you think about is to make the baby born healthy. But this… Please humor me, and let me keep my silly romantic wishes I know I wouldn’t ever get from you, or ever in life, to myself? Please don’t ruin this for me. Don’t play this ring with me, Derek. You have played with my feeling long enough.”

 

Derek was silent, looking dumbstruck. Stiles was right, wasn’t she? The idiot didn’t even think that through. Why was she even in love with this guy?

 

“Stiles!” She turned and saw Scott looking so guilty behind Derek. When did Scott came? “I am sorry. It was my idea, since Derek was asking how to make you more comfortable in school. I know you wanted something romantic like a family ring but I didn’t actually tell him how to give it to you…”

 

“You boys just don’t understand, do you?” Surprisingly, Erica stood behind Scott and hit his head hard. She sashayed towards Stiles and took her arm. “It’s alright, Stiles. Lets go.”

 

Stiles blinked, tears almost fell (fortunately it hasn’t) but let herself be dragged by Erica. She saw Allison’s concerned face, Erica nodded towards Allison and the girl took her other arm.

 

“We are eating out tonight, girls only! Don’t you dare follow us, insensitive jerks!” Erica shouted to the whole group. It made Stiles blushed from mortifying embarrassment, since she was sure her conversation with Derek was heard by the whole pack. Oh the embarrassment.

 

She couldn’t face another dinner with pack, be it only girls or not.

 

“No. I am sorry.” Stiles shrugged from both of the girls. “I think I am just going home tonight.”

 

“I’ll drive you.” Derek spoke out, his voice desperate. Probably he was trying to make up his utter failure, especially since usually he refrained Stiles from leaving the Hale House alone if he could.

 

“No, Not you.” Erica growled. “I can drive you home, Stiles, if you want.”

 

“No, it’s fine. I can still drive.” Stiles smiled faintly and went towards the key hanger. She needs to go someplace that does not have Hale in it. “You guys can enjoy the dinner. I have cheesecake in the fridge. I’ll go first.”

 

She didn’t wait for their response and went for gold. Lucky she still wears her jumper to fend off the cold. When she turned on the jeep, she knew she was not really welcome in her dad’s place, so she needs to go someplace else.

 

Maybe… Lydia’s it is.

* * *

 

 

Stiles ended up sitting on Lydia’s parent’s couch with a cup of hot tea in her hands. Lydia stared at her. They haven’t talk since she let Stiles in, but she looked like she was bursting to ask what happened.

 

“…So?” Lydia finally asked.

 

“He gave…no, offered me a ring just now.”

 

“Who? The baby’s daddy?”

 

Stiles nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“Shall I congratulate you?”

 

“…No, I rejected it.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because he only wants me for the baby. He doesn’t love me. But the baby’s special so he wants it.”

 

“..Special? What do you mean?”

 

“Oh, it’s just he has lost his whole family, and this is his chance to get a new family. I guess.”

 

“Alright. That’s bad.” Lydia sipped on her tea. “May I know about the baby’s daddy? Like how old is he, or what’s his name?”

 

“I…” Stiles honestly doesn’t know how much she could say without jeopardizing Derek's Pack, so in the end she just shrugged it off.

 

“Well.” Lydia sighed. “I can only say that this relationship may not be a good one for your health. You look pale and sad, Stilinski. You know, if you want I can hook you up with some of my guy friends.”

 

Stiles shook her head. “Thank you for the offer, but no thanks.”

 

“It’s just a token of my apology for being suspicious of you yesterday.” She shrugged. “In fact, one of them is already here.”

 

“What…?” Stiles blinked and suddenly the door was opened.

 

The werewolf who almost ate her, Peter Hale stood by the door.

 

“Hiya, little red riding hood. I’ve missed you.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

“Why are you doing this?” Stiles scowled, trying to get her wrists loose, but it was futile. Peter Hale has grabbed both of her wrists and tied it with strong leather cuff. Kinky.

 

No, not now. She needs to concentrate. She was being held hostage in the basement of Lydia’s house.

 

Actually… she wasn’t even held hostage. She was kidnapped. Or hold inside the basement. By the way, the basement smelled so old it was kind of comfy. Stiles blamed on her pregnancy, because no other way she was going to admit an old, dusty place like that as comfy. But the sofa she was sitting on was pretty comfy.

 

“Relax, Little Red. I wont hurt you.” Peter smiled his creepy smile and patted her head. “You are pretty enough and a good breeder for my pack. Just hold on tight while we get those cubs out of you and then you can start having my cubs.”

 

“What.” Stiles felt she was out of the loop now. “What do you mean?”

 

“I am going to rebuild the Hale pack, and unlike my useless excuse of a nephew alpha, I am going to do things the werewolf way. But first thing first, I need to rebuild my pack. Ever since I met you in the woods, your scent is so beautiful and fertile, I can’t get it off my mind.”

 

Stiles blinked. “Are you saying I … I need to be a breeder for you? Can’t you see my uterus is occupied at the moment? No vacancy, sorry.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Suddenly Lydia answered, and then Stiles realized it wasn’t Lydia’s voice. It was Peter’s voice from Lydia’s mouth. And Lydia looked like she was in a daze. Wow, that was creepy. “We’ll get those out, and you’ll be ready for ours.”

 

There was a lot of stuff wrong with that statement. “Wait. Us? Who? And what do you mean those? And what do you mean by out?” now she was starting to freak out. It seemed all Hale family members left were either: 1.) ignorant of what they don’t want to acknowledge or 2.) just that stupid and extreme. So she tried to plead. “Lydia! Please, let me go. Don’t listen to this nut job, he is a zombie, and probably bad for both of our health!”

 

“You don’t understand, Red.” Lydia smiled and still in her daze-like state. “This witch has given half of her soul to me and I her, making us one.” And then she moved to one of the corner of the basement and started to make something from smelly bottles.

 

“Wow.” Stiles couldn’t believe what she heard, and cursed her tendency to go off topic most of the time, but she was awed. “So you can cut half of your soul and then trade it with someone else?”

 

She regretted her statement when Peter creepily touched her face and slowly rubbing her cheek. “Yes. I will do it with you too, if you want.”

 

“Nope, sorry, nope. I am fine with my full soul.” Stiles tried to smile sweetly.

 

“Well, we can get started then.” Peter left her side, which was good for Stiles. But just for a second. Peter climbed the stairs, leaving the basement but Lydia came to her.

 

“Started with what, exactly?” Stiles tried to keep calm, but her wrists need to be out of the leather cuffs soon. Especially when she saw Lydia coming with a nasty, huge concoction that smelled so foul. “What… whats that? It smells weird.”

 

“It’s one of the potions to abort werewolf babies. They are more durable than normal babies.” Lydia shrugged, this time she was speaking in her own voice.

 

“And you know it because…?” Stiles bit her lips.

 

“I am a witch.” Lydia shrugged. “Everyone make mistakes, Stilinki, and I am trying to undo mine.”

 

“How?” Stiles was officially panicking now.

 

“He would return my soul if I help him now.” Lydia shrugged. “No hard feelings, Stilinski. You were the one who stole Jakson from me, so it was your fault I started to dabble in the magic books my grandmother left me in the attic.”

 

“What do you think you are, Harry Potter?” Stiles screamed.

 

“Well, I was thinking I can mildly curse you, you know, with some mild depression and stuff, but I ended up calling a wicked soul. And since I can’t take back the spell, I need to help him get what he wants and he will help me gets Jackson back.”

 

“What? So I am depressed and angsty because of you!?”

 

“Hmmm.” Lydia came beside Stiles. She pinched Stiles’ nose hard and when Stiles reflex opened her jaw, she poured the foul concoction in. Stiles wanted to vomit it out, but Lydia threw the bottle away and started to massage her neck, while still pinching Stiles’ nose. “Not so much because of me, though. I just increase whatever angst you had in your pretty little head. And also did some gossiping, wonder why it spread like wild fire at school. I think your reputation must be that bad, Stilinski.”

 

“Wow. That was...ugh.” Stiles wanted to vomit. It tasted so bad. “This is bad.”

 

Lydia shrugged. “And you don’t want these babies anyway. So I am helping you getting them out.”

 

“Babies?” Stiles’ eyes went round. “As, more than one baby?”

 

“Yeah.” Lydia nodded. “You are super fertile, apparently.”

 

“Was that a joke?” Stiles couldn’t help it.

 

Lydia laughed. “You really don’t care what happened to yourself? How can you still be not stressed now?”

 

Stiles shrugged. The bound wrists are really annoying. “I guess when in a day I come from being called a slut, given a ring inside a brown paper bag and then being kidnapped to kill all my unborn babies, I have nothing else to freak out on. But really, is this potion for real? Because as much as the babies surprised me and forced me to eat so many coconuts for the past few weeks, I am kinda in love with them too.”

 

Lydia looked away. “I am sorry, Stiles. But Peter haunted me so badly he almost killed my parents.”

 

“… Are they alright?”

 

“No. They were freaking out and ran to my cousin’s house in Brooklyn. I have been living alone with that freaking werewolf nightmare for the past month. I am losing my mind, and I don’t even know where he ended and where I begun. It’s getting hard to separate myself from his thought these days.”

 

“Oh.” Stiles wanted to hug Lydia, weirdly, but she couldn’t with the bonded hands. But then, the pain started. “Uhhh… I think your potion is making me having stomach ache. Can you send me to the washroom? I don’t want to spoil your basement.”

 

“It’s not stomach ache, Stilinski.” Lydia shook her head sadly. “It’s the contraction. The potion helped your body expelled whatever you had in your stomach.”

 

“What, like pooping?” Stiles couldn’t believe her situation anymore.

 

“No, more like forced labor.” Lydia shrugged and then Peter came back. Stiles couldn’t speak anything because the next bout of pain hit her again.

 

* * *

 

 

Stiles couldn’t follow whatever happened after that. Labor, forced or natural, was excruciating. It came every half an hour, the pain as if she has eaten a moldy, three month olds steak and it refused to come out of her. And even more fun, she as trying to hold it in. Yes, because she was sure the babies (wow, plural!) weren’t ready to face the world yet. She cannot risk her babies come out before they wanted. Also, she has this nagging feeling between the pain that once the babies out, they would be eaten by Peter, like Hannibal Lecter would.

 

She never would admit it before, but now she would shout out to the world that she loves her babies.

 

She never met them. The most interaction she had with them was kicks on her stomach, especially hard whenever Derek finished fucking her and came inside. As if they were calling her slut, but probably because they just don’t like Derek’s cum cramping their space.

 

They made her craved so many coconuts.

 

But she loved them anyway, and she wouldn’t give them up without fight. She felt responsible as a mother too. No matter what, her children are hers. She wouldn’t give up on them, just like her mother who saved her from the accident.

 

But the pain, dear God, the pain. Stiles screamed. Her stomach cramped so badly. Worst than her period pain, times with ten times. She’s barely handling the pain, let alone trying to keep the babies in. In times like this, Stiles wondered what she has done in her previous live that she was being punished this bad.

 

“Shhhh Little Red, you are going to be just fine. It will come out of you soon.”

 

The disgusting sounds were so hurtful and annoying Stiles growled at them.

 

“Look at you, so full of pain. I promise, when you are giving birth to our babies, I will prepare you first so you have less pain than this. My nephew doesn’t know how to care for others, unlike me.”

 

Stiles wanted to agree and disagree on that, but the bout of pain made her screamed again.

 

“Let it go, my Red. Empty your body for me.”

 

“NnnnO!!!!!!!!” Stiles screamed. Her hands were still cuffs but she pulled it as hard as she could. The leather pressed deep into her skins, yet she registered no pain from that. Her whole body was just too focused on the cramping, forced-birthing pain. “Derek….!!!!!!!”

 

“Shhhh…. Red, he is not here. It will be just you and me. Call my name, if you must.”

 

Stiles couldn’t think. It was pain, pain and pain. Then suddenly, a loud crash noise. And some noises she couldn’t comprehend. She smelled some familiar scents but nothing registered in her mind. It was all pain, pain and pain.

 

Someone, something hugged her. She screamed and trashed around. She didn’t want touch. She wanted out. She wanted to keep her babies. She wanted them save. She screamed as hard as she could.

 

“Stiles! It’s going to be alright, Stiles!!!”

 

Stiles breathed heavily, damped with sweats. The pain started to reside, but then before she could breathe normally, it started again. And this time, she felt some gush came out from between her legs. She screamed hollowly, feeling something trickling from her vagina.

 

No, NO, NO!!!

 

She started to cry. No, she couldn’t lose her babies just like this. No, she doesn’t want to. She will keep them inside, as long as she could.

 

Someone let her go from the cuff. Her body was freed from the binding. And someone pulled her up, carried her up. She screamed and fought, but pain made her bent her body. Her stomach was just too painful. The arms that were holding her scrambling to keep their grab on her but failed. She fell onto the floor, rolling, landed on her stomach. It gave so much pressure she screamed even louder from the pain. No more, she couldn’t do this anymore.

 

Within the bouts of pain, she finally passed out. But it wasn’t blessings at all.

 

 

* * *

 

When she woke up, she felt like she was corporeal. She felt nothing, and breathing was hard. Something was stuck to her nose and mouth. When she blinked, everything stayed blurry. Someone were looking down at her. They were talking to her… or was it amongst themselves?

 

Then she felt her eyes became too heavy to open and so she surrendered to the darkness. She was forgetting something, something important…

 

She couldn’t open her eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

Everything was bright. Stiles wanted to open her eyes, but she found she couldn’t. Just like because she was too deep in sleep, and opening eyes felt like the most taxing thing possible. She knew she needs to open her eyes though; something was waiting for her. She needed to face the music. Reality. Oh, yes, reality, the horrible but honest thing—

 

“ _Genim._ ”

  

 The voice soothed her. She blinked to see some blurry lines of a lady hovering in front of her. Oh, she was actually lying down on a bed. The blurry image became clearer, and she saw a lady—with Stiles’ eyes and lips, smiling at her.

 

“ _I’ll always be with you, baby. I love you. Always.”_

And just like that, Stiles felt she was crying. Those words sounded so heavy and soothing to her ears. She knew the lady. She missed her so much. And she didn’t want to wake up now, because if she woke up, then she would never meet this lady anymore.

 

Someone touched her shoulders. And it woke her up, truly this time.

 

Everything was bright.

 

* * *

 

 

The first thing she saw was people. It took her a second to recognize them. She recognized Scott, Erica, Isaac… Derek? They were calling her name, but it was a wrong name. Someone had given her a different name, but she had totally forgotten about it.

 

“What … happened?” her voice sounded like a croak, her mouth so dry it hurts.

 

People stopped panicking around her, and surprisingly it was Erica who spoke out.

 

“You have been in coma for the past one week, Stiles. Only this morning you show the sign of returning, thank Goodness.”

 

“Oh.” Stiles coughed a bit, her throat really dried and unpleasant. Smelled foul as well, she was sure. Something covered her mouth and nose, and when she tried to move her arm, it was linked to three cables. Pretty uncomfortable, because all of them had needles inserted into her skin.

 

Then she realized something. Her body felt lighter than the past few months; something has changed, something was wrong.

 

Her stomach was too flat to hide babies inside it.

 

“Where… where are the babies?”

 

Nobody answered her question, all of them turned to each other for answer. She turned to see Derek growling, and refused to see her. He was standing the furthest, near the door. Oh, wow, Stiles had her own room.

 

“Stiles…” Scott was the one who finally started talking. “We have news about the babies.” On the same time, Isaac went out of the room.

 

The door closed silently behind him. Stiles doesn’t like the way Scott spoke. Something must be wrong. He looked like someone had died.

 

“…You had twins. A boy and a girl.”

 

 _Had???? What does that means?_ Stiles screamed in her head.

 

“You were in the operation for quite a long time and loosing blood, and since your body was rejecting the babies, it was unsafe for all of you to keep them inside. Unfortunately, they are different babies. One of them is werewolf and the other human.”

 

“…So?” Stiles coughed. “Where are they?”

 

“The boy—he is a born werewolf. It helped him coped, and since it has been five months or so, he has developed quite fully and he is fine. He is a very healthy 6 pounds 5 ounces. Isaac is bringing him in right now.”

 

Stiles tried to sit up, slowly as she gradually felt her body sensation back. Her lower body parts starting from her hips were so sore she couldn’t move much. Then a miracle happened, Erica pressed some buttons and Stiles felt the bed went upright just nicely.

 

“Thanks.” She whispered, just when Isaac entered the room with a bundle in his arms. Stiles’ eyes widened, and tried to receive the bundle, but failed. Her arms were too heavy. Isaac came to her and held the baby near her face, pretty awkward but Stiles doesn’t care. The baby looked comfortable in his bundle, sleeping and yawning at the same time. His eyes were closed, but his nose and eyebrows were all Derek's. He has thick hair and nails a bit too long for normal human baby. His lips was Stiles' though, and he has the cutest wolf ears beside his face. Stiles found him cute and dear, just … perfect.

 

She slowly managed to move her hands and received the bundle. She inhaled his scent, it was wonderful, just baby powder and something innocent. Something weak and strong at the same time. It was perfect. Just… perfect. And she found herself weeping on her baby’s face.

 

“Where… where is she?”

 

She almost too scared to ask. Scott didn’t even dare to look at her when he spoke. “She was born premature, too premature for human to normally breathe. The doctors kept her inside the incubator, but just yesterday she took turn to the worse and… this morning, she… she didn’t make it.”

 

“What do you mean she didn’t make it?” Stile found her voice raising. It woke her son. He sniffled and started crying.

 

“Stiles…” Derek suddenly spoke out, he looked like he was going to do some damage control. Or probably just control over Stiles. But Stiles was not going to have any of it.

 

“Where is she, Derek? Where is she!? Tell me!”

 

“We have cremated her body.” Derek spoke, and the rest of the people in the room winced. “We will have the farewell ceremony tonight.”

 

“What… What are you talking about?” Stiles laughed hollowly. “You don’t even wait for me to see her before you cremated her? Is that how you feel about your own daughter? Or is it because she is a human that she doesn’t need proper burial?”

 

“Stiles, calm down. You were in a comma and nobody knows when you will wake up. We can’t wait that long. This is the proper burial we can give her as a pack…”

 

“I don’t care! You know I am not your pack, so I don’t run by your rule! I need to see her, but you burned her before I can even meet my own daughter? What, are we that unimportant to you? Are we lesser being!?”

 

“Stiles. Calm down.”

 

“NO, I won’t calm down! I am not your bitch! I have done everything you asked, and you promised me to protect us! Me, and them! What now? Will you take the responsibility? You failed to protect us, Derek, so don’t expect me to follow your rules anymore! I am sick of you!”

 

“Stiles, please.” Erica came and hugged her, but Stiles struggled. The baby was crying in her arms, so she hugged him tighter to her bosoms.    

 

Derek looked down. “I… I am sorry, Stiles.”

 

“How good your sorry be? Can you return her to me??? You have taken everything I am, everything I have… are you happy now? Go AWAY! I hate you!!! Don’t even dare to show your face again! I HATE YOU!” Stiles screamed with her whole body. It just broke her apart, everything that had happened. Scott took Derek away from the room, while Isaac and Erica stayed by her.

 

Stiles was ready to cry and curse Derek till the end of time, but the crying baby inside her arms reminded her she still have another living child. So she focused there instead, trying to open her hospital gown for breast feeding. Erica stopped her, saying that she had been under so many drugs cocktail that it wasn’t good for her to give the baby her milk. It might be contaminated, so Stiles might need to wait until it all flushed out before she could breastfeed.

 

Stiles accepted it weakly, while cradling her son. Slowly her son calmed down; and he fell asleep. In the meantime, Erica and Isaac filled her in with the news. Allison has learned about the werewolves, broken up with Scott and the Pack found out that Allison was an Argent. Argent is the werewolf hunter family for generations. Apparently Kate was Allison’s aunt, which reminded Stiles that Allison once told her about her deceased auntie named Kate.

 

Erica then told her how Derek was feeling so guilty about playing Stiles’ dream he started to become restless and decided to find Stiles home. He was shocked when the Sherriff told him that Stiles never arrived there, and so he followed Stiles’ scent and found it was mixed with dangerous and familiar scent of his own uncle’s. So he called the pack and they attacked, just to find Stiles already in mid induced-labor. The rest of the pack tried to subdue Peter and Lydia—which succeeded eventually—while Derek took her to Deaton. Deaton referred her immediately to the hospital with werewolf friendly policy and experience; and that was how Stiles ended up in the hospital and being operated by the best werewolf-knowledgeable surgeon.

 

The rest was as known; Stiles lost too much blood to survive, so they induced comma for her. Meanwhile the babies were taken care of, the boy was fine but the girl… it was hard for everyone, the Pack took shift to stay vigil beside Stiles and her daughter. But she didn’t make it. Stiles listened through it with silent tears.

 

Yet Erica agreed that according to the werewolf law, a deceased should be cremated before buried. Because they wouldn’t want to let her body be stolen and controlled by necromancer. Stiles shrugged and held her baby even closer.

 

They finally took him from her, stating that Stiles needs more sleep and the baby needs feeding soon. They have formula for the moment, so they let Stiles be alone in the room. Before they go, though, Stiles wondered where her father was. Erica and Isaac looked at each other before shaking their heads. Stiles frowned. Her chest became even more hollow. Her father didn’t even see her. It was… painful. She has disappoint everyone.

 

And she lost her daughter.

 

If only she didn’t go to Lydia’s house. If only she was smarter than to trust people blindly. If only she struggled harder. If only she didn’t the potion. If only she didn’t let her stupid dream of getting proposed normally (she wouldn’t have it, why can’t she just accept it?) took over her feeling and ran from the Hale’s House that night. If only she had contacted her father that night. If only she fought more. If only.

 

She was filled with regret. She wished the earth would open up and swallowed her whole. She wanted to see her daughter too. She must be afraid, small and vulnerable inside the incubator, not properly formed and not her time to be born as yet. She was unlucky because she has Stiles as her mother. Stupid, foolish Stiles.

 

She couldn’t cry anymore. It just hurts. Everything. Hurts.

 

It was a whole new pain she never knew she would ever feel. She came to know about her pregnancy too late, and she was too busy wallowing in her superficial, non-existent  love life. Stiles didn’t realize how much she was waiting for the babies too. She had promised herself that she would give Derek the baby and left. But now? She wouldn’t do it. She couldn’t leave and left the baby with Derek, because she loved her children, and she had failed them. She couldn’t leave them with Derek, the hateful, liar Alpha. She wouldn’t let her children… her child to experience the painful feeling she had for Derek. Loving someone incapables of love.

 

She hated Derek. So much. Hated him more than she hated Peter Hale. She hated Derek so much now that it was laughable she ever thought she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

 

Someone knocked the door. Stiles blinked.

 

“Hi.” Danny smiled. “Can I enter?”

 

Stiles nodded and tried to rub her cheeks. Her face felt stiff from dried tears. She didn’t want to be pitied.

 

“I heard about what happened. About the kidnapping and accident… and I am sorry about your daughter.” Danny spoke softly. He looked very solemn. Stiles was reminded that all along, Danny was the only one truly care about her.

 

But she felt something was wrong with Danny. And she didn’t want to trust people blindly now.

 

Danny sat beside her and touched her hand. “If you need to talk, I’ll always be there for you.”

 

“Thank you, Danny. You are so sweet.” Stiles smiled sadly. She wanted to cry but her tear has dried away.

 

“Just tell me anything I can help you with.” Danny smiled reassuringly and patted her hand, before standing up.

 

“I will.” Stiles smiled. “But I need to be strong for my son, I won’t fail him like I do my daughter.”

 

“…You have not failed your daughter.” Danny shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault, Stiles.”

 

“…It happened because I was careless.” Stiles whispered.

 

“You never asked to be kidnapped. The kidnappers are the one who wrong. They are at fault. Your daughter won’t blame you.”

 

“How do I know? She won’t come back for sure, and I never even meet her…”

 

“…Actually you can.”

 

“Can what?” Stiles looked up, and she knew she shouldn’t but even though she felt suspicion towards the weird offer, yet she felt somekind of hope.

 

“You can meet her, if you want to.” Danny whispered with the smile of an angel, “What if I can make her return from the dead?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be done soon. Oh, although it seemed like this will lead to Bad Ending, I assure you it wont. I dont like bad ending myself. they are overdone with too many angst. And dissatisfaction of my fangirl heart.


	15. Chapter 15

 

In every folklore, it was told that whenever the Gods asked you what you wished for, you shall not ask for anything. Because they will turn those wishes to their own gain and your demise. You’d think you gained something, but in reality, you lost even more than what you asked for. It was a Devil’s wheel.

 

Stiles’ mind screamed something was wrong; just as when she decided to keep Derek inside her room. Just like when she felt herself accompanying Scott into the woods. Just like when she gave herself up for Derek. Just as she given up of ever knowing her mother.

 

Yet, there she was. She looked back and found her body on the bed, the line on the machine indicated irregular heartbeat. Her whole body pulsed up and down; like she was having a seizure. A doctor and an army of nurses rushed to enter the room; while Erica and Isaac, who were tending to Stiles’ son, turned and panicked and brought her baby to the room, just to find Stiles’ body went still.

 

She felt the hand on her shoulder; and so she turned back towards the road she should take. Danny smiled at him and she grabbed his hand. They walked side by side, and suddenly she was outside of the building, and inside the woods.

 

She looked down; it was grass floor. Honestly she felt nothing, even though the ground looked dry and sharp. Danny walked with noises; his feet stepped on branches and dried leaves. But Stiles were touching nothing but Danny’s arm; her feet touching nothing, not even air. She felt nothing, not even numbness. It was just nothing.

 

“Where are we going?” Stiles asked again. They haven’t talked since Stiles said yes, she wanted to see her daughter.

 

“We are going to see your daughter, Genim.” Danny smiled gently. “And we can bring her to life.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because that’s what you wished for, yes?” Danny tilted his head.

 

“…” Yes, it was what she wanted. But something was wrong. Something in her head told her it was a trap.

 

“Don’t you worry your little head, Stiles.” Danny smiled and gently guided them to the centre of the forrest. “We have prepared everything for you. You only need to rest your soul in peace, and we take care of the rest.”

 

 

* * *

 

Derek’s heart was thumping so hard he couldn’t hear the rest of words Erica told him. He rushed back to the hospital after Scott received the panicked call from Isaac. They said Stiles suddenly turned to worse and now in ICU. She won’t make it, that was what the doctor said. They were trying to resuscitate Stiles over and over. Her body was alive, but it was rejecting something, or reaching for something it has lost. He vaguely realized Boyd called Deaton. Derek was in a haze. He was scared.

 

He was scared before, when he lost his family in the fire. He was scared when he killed his uncle. But he did it for Stiles, the girl whose smile filled his memory nowadays, more often than not. Derek have lots of fears; but now he was facing his biggest fear: Stiles is going to leave him for good. Just like Laura, and his family did. But unlike them, Stiles is leaving him with hate for Derek.  

 

He looked up to find his son crying; Erica was trying her best to calm the baby down. He should care for him… but no, he couldn’t do it now. His own heart was bursting in fear. Stiles, please… please come back.

 

“Her body is alive, but her soul is gone.” Deaton’s voice was thumping inside his head when the Vet explained stuff. “Someone took her soul, or she surrendered her own soul; and her body is trying it best to get its soul back. But the soul was too far, it stretched too thin. Her body couldn’t grab her own soul back.”

 

“Then what should we do???” Derek heard Scott hysterically screamed at the doctor.

 

“Find her soul.” Deaton answered griefly.

 

“How!??” Isaac was screaming, high pitched and desperate.

 

Derek hated to admit it, but if Stiles did die and her soul gone, the Pack wouldn’t ever be the same; hell, they would even leave him and wont admit him as an Alpha anymore. Stiles was the Pack’s point of return. If she’s gone, then nobody would want to stay any longer.

 

“Follow the trail.” Deaton answered gravely. “Follow your connection to her.”

 

“Wha… What does that mean?” Erica asked.

 

“You all are her pack, am I wrong? You are all connected to her. Some stronger, some older, some younger, but everybody is connected to her. So find your connection to her, and get her out. I… I am afraid if we wait too long, she would be gone too far. I have not yet told you, but recently there is an increase of witches activities around Bacon Hill. One of them was Lydia Martin and your pack has crushed her magic, not completely but enough; but there is still another… and I am afraid it deals with necromancy. And Kanima.”

 

The last word woke Derek up. He saw the Kanima watching Stiles as the pregnant girl stared at her own mother’s grave. He had moved so quickly to grab Stiles to safety, but after that he was too busy to bury the kanima memory from Stiles to ensure her safety.

 

What good he has done. He always failed Stiles. From the start. He was too immersed in his lost of family, his failed first love relationship, that he chose to ignore and played dumb for Stiles’ innocent yet strong emotions. She offered him everything, even helping him making pack after he raped her. She even gave him his kids. She gave him everything, even her dream of family, romance and love. She didn’t expect Derek to give something he wouldn’t give, things he was still too afraid to give. She gave him her everything.

 

And fat good lot it brought her. She lost everything, from her body to mind and then her safety and pride. Now she lost her—their—daughter and her soul. He has no right to love her anymore. she was too good for him.  

 

“…Wake up from your funk, Derek.” Derek suddenly felt a slap on his cheek. Hard.

 

He looked up to see Scott sobbing in front of him. He was full of anger.

 

“You got to save Stiles. You must. You _owe_ her this.”

 

“I don’t deserve her. I will hurt her again… and she hates me now.”

 

Oh how it hurts. Stiles screamed she hated him from the bottom of her heart. Her whole body shook in intensity. It was clear that she blamed him for the death of their daughter, and Derek couldn’t blame her. Not when it was actually his fault. He failed his daughter and Stiles. He doesn’t deserve their love anymore.

 

“You don’t deserve her, you fucking idiot.” Scott said calmly. “but she loves you so fucking much. I bet you have the strongest connection amongst all of us. I would gladly your son has the strongest connection, but he is only a week old. You made him and his twin with Stiles. You have the strongest connection here. You’ve got to follow it. You are our best chance. You owe her, Derek. You owe her more than me now.”

 

Yes.

 

Derek closed his eyes. Yes.

 

He owed her this.

 

He owed her love this.

He owed their son this.

He owed their daughter this.

He owed them this.

It doesn’t matter how much Stiles hates him now. But he owed her this. She must find happiness, and without her soul, she could feel nothing. He would bring her back. He should. He owed her this.

 

And he just realized how he is fucking so much in love with her.

 

* * *

 

“In front of you is the fire of sacrifice. You shall enter it and give your blood to it, feed it little by little. And in exchange, your baby will return, bit by bit.”

 

Stiles stopped wondering and realized what Danny meant.

 

She was trading her soul for her daughter’s.

 

 _I would always love you, Genim._  

 

Her mother was around, and she was there for her. So Stiles will be there for her daughter as well, just like how her mother was there for her.

 

She walked slowly towards the fire. The flame didn’t hurt her; it was ticklish instead of burning. She smiled and giggled and turned around to see the monster she saw on her mother’s graveyard watching from behind Danny. She tilted her head.

 

“Do I know him?”

 

Danny nodded. “Yes, Stiles. You know him.”

 

“… Is he Jackson?”

 

Danny just smiled serenely.

 

Stiles then asked again. “Can you lie to me?”

 

“No.” Danny smiled. “This is the world of soul. The price of a simple lie is greater than its benefit, and the rules are strict. I cannot lie as you cant either.”

 

“Then… who are you?”

 

“I am Danny.”

 

“You are not Danny.”

 

“Not fully the boy, probably.” Danny smiled. “But I am him.”

 

“What happened to Danny?”

 

Danny looked pained for a moment. He then rolled back his sleeve, and showed a huge scar on his arm. It was deep and red, angry. Suicide scar.

 

“I am his deceased twin.” Danny smiled sadly. “When we were born, I died so he could live. But he killed himself because he was … unaccepted. He was taunted by our father because he was gay. And he chose to kill himself. I managed to get in just in time.”

 

“… I am so sorry, Danny.”

 

“Thank you, Stiles. That’s why I like you. Your compassion salvaged me. I watched you being dragged down by those imbeciles werewolves and yet you still fine and thought of others. Isaac. Erica. It was humbling. I like you, Stiles.”

 

“…” Stiles smiled back. “Thank you.”

 

“That’s why I will grant your wish. I grant wishes of people I love. I love Jackson, so I grant his wish to be stronger. He is way much stronger as Kanima now. And you want her back, your daughter to live?”

 

Stiles slowly nodded.

 

“Then good bye, Genim. It was an honour to know you.”

* * *

 

 

At first, as the blood dripping slowly into the fire, Stiles felt nothing.

 

But slowly, it got heavy. It slowly took everything from her soul. She felt more tired, heavier and strangely, more transparent.

 

Yet the more she have, the clearer her daughter’s soul was. She was happy as she took shaped in front of her. She looked so small, a bit premature. But she was there.

 

And then she started to cry.

 

“STOP!!!” a voice called out. “STOP IT STILES, STOP!!!!”

 

Why should she stop? Her daughter is returning to live.

 

“YOU ARE KILLING HER ALL OVER AGAIN! SHE’S GOT NO BODY TO RETURN TO! DON’T BRING HER SOUL WITHOUT BODY, OR SHE WOULD TURN INTO A GHOUL!”

 

It stopped Stiles. Yes, she wanted her baby to live, but she doesn’t want her to be a wandering soul trapped in between world. She cannot condemn her own daughter to such life!

 

So she retracted her hand, but her blood still dripping. She stepped out from the fire, but the blood still trickle. She couldn’t stop the trickle. And her baby was floating towards her, attracted to the smell of her blood. Or to the silvery trail her blood soul.

 

Stiles bit her lips. She was crazy and she didn’t know what she was oing, but all that matters was that her baby is safe.

 

So she took the baby towards her bossom and then with one push, forced it into her body.

 

It was painful. She screamed so loud it deafening. it felt like being penetrated for the first time. It felt like the contraction she had when she was giving birth. It was everywhere, and her stomach felt like it was being twisted into knots and burned with fire. It was painful. She wanted to give up.

 

“STILES! COME AND FOLLOW MY VOICE! STILES!!!”

 

Stiles couldn’t. she couldn’t follow the voice. She didn’t know where it came from. It came from everywhere and nowhere.

 

“STILES…. PLEASE HANG IN THERE. LISTEN TO ME. FOLLOW ME. COME TO ME.”

 

Who…?

 

“GENIM… I LOVE YOU AND OUR DAUGHTER. COME BACK. I PROMISE YOU EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.”

 

Who was that?

 

But she felt better. And so she let herself drifted. And when she turned to see that man, she smiled and hugged him back.

 

“I love you too.”

 


	16. The end

When she wake up, she wished she didn’t.

 

Her head hurts so badly it felt like exploding. Her whole body felt discomfort, not outright pain but sort of disjointed, like she was wearing a new skin tight clothes. Her heart was beating faster than normal and she wanted to puke. It was the worst hangover.

 

Except it wasn’t hangover. She never had hangover before. Slowly she realized she wasn’t alone, people around her calling, probably her name, but she couldn’t remember as yet. She just wanted to go back to sleep.

 

“Genim.” Her father called. Oh yes, father. “Genim, how do you feel?”

 

“P..Pain. headache.” She sounded dry and unlike herself. Her mouth felt too dry to speak.

 

Then she heard a crying baby. It woke her up from her funk. She pushed herself to focus and saw her son being carried by someone—Erica—behind her father. She tried to sit upright, just before a hand kept her shoulder on the bed. It was Scott.

 

“Don’t sit up yet, Stiles. You need rest.”

 

Stiles started to get customized to her surroundings. She realized she was back in the bedroom, the main bedroom in newly built Hale House where she usually slept with Derek. It was their—no, his—bed. She was wearing her old pajama, and she got some IV drips into her arms. It felt funny and awkward. Dizzy.

 

“How long have I..?”

 

“It’s only been three days. Deaton said you need at least a week worth of complete bed rest. We took you back from the hospital yesterday morning since you are better watched here. We took turn.”

 

“Oh.” She sighed. “That’s… That’s nice of you. Can I have some water?”

 

Scott turned to Erica for help, and Erica smiled softly to Stiles. To think that a few months ago Erica would only smirked at her, it was so weird. Meanwhile Scott poured a glass of water and gave it to the Sheriff to help her drink.

 

Erica spoke out. “Nothing. Everything is good for now, Stiles. But you need bed rest and lots of food, since you are pregnant.”

 

“What do you mean? I had given birth…”

 

“Apparently your will made the baby’s soul return to you. And your daughter seemed to be as headstrong as you are. She made herself cozy inside your body, and miraculously materialized as a zygote. So you are only a few days pregnant, but she is there. She is not lost, Stiles. She is still within you.”

 

Stiles couldn’t speak. Her eyes started to wet. She touched her own stomach—it was not as flat as before she was pregnant, but not as big as when she was having the twins. But she wished so much of it to be true. Her daughter is not lost yet. She was strong and she forgave Stiles for losing her. Her daughter is a fighter. It made Stiles wants to laugh in happiness. It was so… so good.

 

“Thank…Oh my …” Stiles laughed within her tears. “I cant…”

 

 _Danny_ ….

 

It stopped Stiles from thinking further. Danny knew this? Did Danny trick her, or was he trying to help her from the start?

 

Which one?

 

“And do you want to see your son? He has been a good boy, but he kept crying for you.” Erica came and sat beside her, then showed the bundle of clothes with her son inside it. Stiles tried to touch him, and the baby sniffed before latching strongly to her hand. Stiles sobbed and Erica helped her to reach her son’s forehead. He was warm and soft and smelled wonderful and he was alive. It was just…

 

Stiles was so happy.

 

“Thank … Thank you.” Stiles sniffed. She kissed her son again and again. He smelled heavenly. “Thank you… all of you.”

 

“No, we are the one who need to apologise and thank you.” Erica whispered softly. “Just… Just get well soon, alright? We missed you. We need you.”

 

“I will.” Stiles sniffed and smiled. “I will get better soon. I promise. What’s his name?”

 

Erica shook her head. “No, we don’t feel like naming the baby without you. You should… probably discussed it with Derek.”

 

Stiles’ smile faltered. She kissed her son’s forehead for the last time and then sighed.

 

“… Why would he even want to talk to me? He got his werewolf baby already.” Stiles was so sure that Derek would name her son as soon as possible to claim him. Stiles wouldn’t put it pass the werewolf Alpha to degrade her like that. She has all the proof now, how low she was on the Alpha’s eyes. With the pain and stress and everything, Stiles thought she couldn’t care less about Derek now. As long as she has all her kids with her.

 

She might be a baby making machine, but at least she gets to keep both of her babies alive.

 

“Stiles, Derek is really, truly sorry.”

 

“I bet he is. It must be devastating for him to almost lose his cub, I guess. But I don’t think he cared about me or my daughter, so I have nothing to say to him.”

 

“Derek is blaming himself now. I know you are angry with him, but he does care for you and the children, Stiles.”

 

“What would you know, Scott? You cant even recognize sadness, let alone love. You’d think with the way he had treated me and my children, he would even care if I am alive? I’d doubt it.”

 

“Stiles, don’t be ridiculous. Of course he cares about you. He loves you, Stiles.”

 

Stiles raised her eyebrows and blinked, before laughing hollowly. “Sorry, Scott. I cant believe that. You must be hallucinating.”

 

“Stiles, stop refusing to…”

 

“I am not refusing. I am just accepting.” Stiles cut him off. Scott stopped talking and watched her with his big, brown eyes. “I have enough of trying to get him to like me, I have enough of wanting him to care for me. But with everything that has happened, do you think he really cares? How blind are you, Scott? Don’t think that everything is as absolute as your love with Allison. Derek has never loved me at all. And sorry about Allison. I hope you are fine?”

 

Scott looked pained and left the room. Stiles felt a bit bad for snapping at her ex-best friend. Her father sighed and patted her head.

 

“Sometimes you need to stop coming so strong, Stiles.”

 

“Dad…” Stiles groaned. “Don’t make this bigger than what it should.”

 

“No. It’s mostly my fault.” Her father smiled sadly. “I let you raise yourself. I made you hid yourself and be strong for both of us. My alcoholism made you grew faster than other kids. I forced you to be independent and stubborn. I made you kept your loneliness to yourself, and now you are too afraid to open yourself because it hurts you again and again. I am sorry, Stiles. For everything.”

 

“No, that’s…” Where did all of that assessment comes from? She felt like she was one of those drama queens in teen movies. Stiles shook her head and her headache came back. “You know what? I don’t need this right now. I want my babies and my rest. Can we talk about this later?”

 

Her tone was final. It wasn’t long before everyone left—her dad was the last, assuring her he won’t go away like her mother, and Stiles snuggled into her son closer. Erica had kindly put him beside her head on the pillow, the little thing. He was sniffling and turning, trying to reach to Stiles. Stiles smiled fondly and played with the little hands. The little hands are perfect. His little feet are perfect. His little nose. His little, pucker mouth. He is perfect, the perfect little thing, hers.

 

“I _love_ you.” She whispered with all her love. Her son is perfect. Her unborn daughter will be perfect too. She loves them so much, too much. She was bursting with love for them.

 

“I… I love you too.”

 

Stiles blinked and turned her head to see Derek standing by the door.

 

“What…?”

 

Derek suddenly turned red, blushing furiously. He looked away. “…I thought you were talking to me.”

 

Stiles suddenly felt very mean if she said what she wanted to say (Good if you realize that you were mistaken my love for my babies, so go away and leave); so she nodded and turned her attention to her son again. She tried to concentrate fully on her son—and it was so easy too—but she still couldn’t ignore Derek’s presence in the room.

 

“Can we talk, for a moment?”

 

Stiles buried her face on her baby’s blanket. He smelled heavenly. Stiles wouldn’t want to let him go, ever.

 

“I am sorry, Stiles. For all it’s worth, I am sorry.”

 

What good sorry be? Stiles wanted to scream. But she didn’t want to be petty. Because of Derek, she now has the perfect son and daughter. So she nodded and continued the silent treatment.

 

“I know and understand that you don’t want to talk to me. But the baby needs a name soon. I will take care of the certificates and everything. So… I’ll left the naming to you...”

 

Stiles was surprised. Honestly surprised.

 

“What? You would? Really?” she turned to Derek.

 

The man was standing in black leather jacket and jeans, looking like the menacing Alpha that he was. But his eyes were hollow and pained and longing. He looked like a hungry man in front of a feast he wasn’t supposed to touch.

 

“For you, _anything_.”

 

It made Stiles unable to breathe. What does that mean?

 

And she unwittingly answered, “…We can name him together.”

 

Stiles regretted it the moment it left her lips. She was supposed to be angry at him and be mean like he was mean to her. Damn. And Derek must knew about this, as he raised an eyebrow; yet he looked a bit happier than before, and hopeful. Stiles wondered whether she was imagining too much. Instead, she turned to her baby and continued to immerse herself in her baby’s scent.

 

“What do you think about ‘William’?”

 

Stiles thought over it.

 

“No.”

 

It continued to Derek suggesting names and Stiles refusing all of them one by one. They started stiff, but by the end of the day, when Deaton came in and brought some concoction for Stiles, they were already arguing good naturedly about whether Tony Stark is better name than Hannibal. Deaton scolded both of them, especially Derek, and told Stiles to return to sleep. Deaton took her baby away to let her back to sleep. Stiles has a bit of problem with it, yet in a moment, she fell back into unconsciousness.

 

 

The whole pack turned the naming into a game. Everybody tried to pitch in, and soon the name became more and more ridiculous. Names from TV Series and popular TV Stars were suggested, and vetoed by the others. The room Stiles was in turned into a make-shift family room, with all the bean bags and sofa fitted in, more tables and all the food around. Stiles didn’t move a single inch, though, because everybody forbade her from leaving the bed.

 

Probably it was what a queen’s life likes. She didn’t need to lift a finger for anything. They all came to her.

 

* * *

 

Stiles cuddled her baby to her bossom, which—hooray!—grew larger and filled with milk. She was happy with it—not only she grew two cups size, she could also feed her baby now since she has detoxified all the medicine she has been ingested when she was under medical treatment. The baby—Stiles has already named him, but she wasn’t going to share it as yet when the pack is still enjoying the name game so much—suckled onto her nipple with gusto. This feeding is covered by cloth for Scott’s sake who kept screaming “cover yourself Stiles” everytime he caught Stiles opening her shirt to feed her baby.

 

Surprisingly, it was Boyd who exclaimed that Stiles should be able to feed her baby openly and scolded Scott for being immature. Stiles thanked him, but she choose to cover herself, just so Scott stopped screaming like a child and for Derek to stop blushing everytime she caught his eyes.

 

Yes, Derek watching her is a constant thing now. She felt his eyes even when she was trying to totally ignore him. He was always there, standing in one of the corner near the bedroom door, glaring at her and the baby. She hasn’t speak much to him, and neither did he try to. Stiles took it as the proof that Derek didn’t want to have her there, and he was just tolerating her for the sake of the pack. So be it. She didn’t want to see him either, because she was afraid she would saw hatred and pissed Derek because she has taken his bed. The fragile nice relationship they shared between her breakdown in the kitchen to the point where Derek offered her his mother’s ring was gone. And Stiles couldn’t care less now.

 

She has given up trying to make Derek love her. It’s not going to happen anytime soon, or ever. She would just direct all her feelings to her children now.

 

Something was nagging in the back of her mind, though. She knew the big picture of what happened, but she honestly forgotten how she got her daughter’s soul back into her. Something about Danny and a voice calling her, but what really happened she wasn’t sure. And she wasn’t gonna questioned it. She was already content with her babies safe and alive.

 

In the afternoon, when the pack took over the baby from her to let her rest, Stiles would immersed herself under the blanket and wished she would disappear.

 

It’s just too much, sometimes. But her babies need her.

 

* * *

 

 

Her father came everytime he has time off; and it was not a lot, yet it was meaningful for Stiles. Her father felt very guilty on the state Stiles was in, so he came and always bring something for her. It was amusing and touching the first few times, but after a week, it became a chore. She couldn’t pretend she was happy everytime he came and smothering her with all his affection. Some mean, childish part of her wanted to scream, “It’s too late to care now!” but she didn’t want to upset him anymore than she has at the moment.

 

Slowly rest became boring and made her restless. Lately she had nightmares everytime she closed her eyes. It scared her from sleeping. So she pretended to sleep and then lie awake the whole night. One night she woke up drenching in sweat and half screamed, the remains of nightmare still haunted her eyes—Crazy Peter’s face flying with her bloody babies on his hands—just to find that another real nightmare was waiting for her. She saw Derek’s face and was surprised to death, but when she almost screamed, Derek hugged her softly, whispering nothing but ensuring Stiles’ safety.

 

She fell asleep in his arms that night.

 

She was ashamed.

 

* * *

 

 

“Stiles, we really need to name him.” Scott whined. “It has been almost a week. We cant keep calling him, “Him” or “Baby”.”

 

Stiles huffed while keeping her baby on her bosoms, drinking his milk. “Yeah, I noticed that. Don’t think I don’t know about you calling him Little Wolfie, Scott.”

 

Scott blushed and pouted.

 

“We have already decide on a name.” Suddenly Derek talked, which made the whole room turned to him. He never talked when they were all together inside Stiles’ room—which was Derek’s room but invaded and occupied by Stiles.

 

Stiles blinked. She did actually chosen a name for her son; but she never told anyone. And Derek just said they have decided on a name? What was that?

 

“It’s Danny.” Derek announced softly. And it shocked Stiles, because truthfully, it was the name Stiles chosen. She wanted to honor Danny. Because even though Danny was one manipulative soul, he actually helped Stiles gained back her daughter. And Stiles wasn’t angry with Danny, honestly. She kind of understand what driven Danny and his twin’s soul.

 

The pack was silent, but then it burst into arguments. Scott was the most vocal against the name, because he still blamed Danny for Stiles’ condition. Yet Derek stood fast, ignoring the complaints, while staring into Stiles’ eyes as if he was begging for her approval.

 

She knew to give when it was due, so she nodded and whispered, “Thank you.”

 

Derek smiled softly to her. Unfortunately, the whole pack noticed their small exchange. Erica coughed loudly then.

 

“Alright boys, let’s go out. Let mommy and daddy have their time.”

 

“Wha…What?” Stiles blushed so hard. She noticed Derek’s face turned red as well. Erica ushered the rest of the pack to leave the room, and before she closed the door behind her, she winked at Stiles.

 

Wow, that was kind of weird, since she used to hate Stiles.

 

Stiles watched as Derek walked closer and finally sat on the chair beside her bed. Usually Isaac was the one claiming the chair, refusing to give it up except when Sheriff came over. Stiles looked down, trying to pretend to focus on her son who was still busy sucking her nipples.

 

“Why?” Stiles whispered. “Why do you know?”

 

“I always watch you.”

 

“…Why would you watch me?”

 

“Because I… I care about you, Stiles.”

 

“Why would you care? I thought I have passed my usefulness now you have your werewolf son.”

 

Derek slowly cupped his hand over Stiles’ right left cheek and rubbed her skin softly. “I always care. I care. You are… you are everything wonderful that had happened to me.”

 

 _She was…?_ Stiles felt her eyes moistened. She couldn’t believe what he was saying. She thought he hated her now that she was no longer useful for him. She twitched when Derek took her free hand and kissed the back of her palm.

 

“I love you.”

 

Stiles froze.

 

“I am sorry for everything that had happened. I am sorry for being an ass. I am sorry for everything that hurt you. Please let me make it up for you. Let me… Let me take care of you and our children.”

 

_Children? Not only son?_

 

“But…” Stiles felt her voice faltered. “She is… she is a human.”

 

“A human or not, she is still mine. Ours. You give me a chance to have a family. I… I cant stop thanking you. And I was a fool for not realizing how much you meant for me. I was too busy trying to cover myself from disappointment. Kate happened, my whole family was killed, my sister died and my uncle killed her. It was too much, so I … I vented it on you. But now I know I was wrong. I should have been better. Please give me a chance.”

 

Stiles didn’t know what to say, or do, so she just nodded. And she let him kissed her.

 

It started slow and soft, making Stiles realized she missed that.

 

And it grew quite heated, when Derek climbed up the bed and covered Stiles with his body. Stiles found herself moaned, and when she was ready to reciprocate, suddenly the moment was burst by her son’s crying. Stiles and Derek immediately pushed away, both noticing that Danny was screaming now. Apparently he was squashed between mommy and daddy, and it was uncomfortable for him. He was enjoying his lunch before he was squashed.

 

Derek growled. Stiles huffed. Both looked at each other and promptly laughed.

 

Danny stopped screaming when he heard them laughing, and miraculously, he smiled too. And cooed.

 

Stiles melted. She hugged him even closer to her bosoms. And Danny then latched back to her nipples.

 

“He is going to suck my milk dry.” Stiles sighed while smiling, enjoying the little tyke’s satisfaction at his meal. She looked up to see Derek’s reaction, and she was surprised when she saw him eyeing her with … lust?

 

“What…”

 

“I think I may need to visit the bathroom.” Derek huskily answer, leaving the bed.

 

“Derek, wait!”

 

Derek stopped walking away.

 

“Are you… _hard_?”

 

He growled. Stiles felt embarrassment radiating from him. And she kind of smell something like his arousal.

 

“Derek…. Come back.”

 

“No.” He growled. “You don’t know how much I want to… Damn, I am not going to fight with my cub.”

 

Stiles laughed. “Come here, you big baby. Danny will be finished soon, and then we can enjoy ourselves.”

 

Derek raised her eyebrows, but he returned to bed and settled beside Stiles, spooning her from the side. He touched Danny’s face gently and then kissed Stiles’ forehead.

 

“I am glad you hit me with your jeep.”

 

“What.” Stiles blinked. “What are you talking… oh. Yes. I did, didn’t I?”

 

“Yes. I need that blow in the head.” Derek smirked and arranged her to snuggle into him. “I need you.”

 

Stiles shrugged and snuggled closer to Derek. “You need me, huh?”

 

Derek kissed her again.

 

“Stiles…”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Would you go out with me?”

 

Stiles raised her eyebrows. “… I think it’s too late to ask that, don’t you think? But yes, yes I will.”

 

Derek’s answering smile was enough for her.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. I want to make happy end, so I apologise if it doesn't fit well into the story. But I think Stiles had enough angst already. I want to add an epilogue, full of fluff. Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued. 
> 
> As you may guess, the continuation will be Stiles trafficking Derek into her room and kept him safe there, while mourning about her lost love. Then something slowly build up between Stiles and Derek, but Stiles was still too hurt from her broken heart while Derek is emotionally constipated. Soon Stiles and Derek found themselves scratching each other's need, which resulted in unwanted pregnancy. This will be followed by Stiles' angst, Sheriff's guilt to not being there when she needs him, her will to get better and Derek's realisation of his own feeling towards Stiles. Then enter Peter to havoc it all. 
> 
> If gets enough response I will continue. if not, this will be another unfinished promt. 
> 
> Or if you are interested, please take it over from here. 
> 
> BTW please visit me at http://hasesosi.tumblr.com/


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